Conflict Resolution
by UncommonGround
Summary: I really enjoy the Beca/Chloe character contrast. I think that's what's so interesting about this ship. This story is something I've been working on for a few months actually. It started off as just some random drabble, Beca/Chloe interactions, but progressed into more. It kind of follows the movie, but not really. It's mostly just backdrop for the dialogue I wanted to create.
1. Chapter 1

Maybe college wasn't so bad after all. But the nightmares still came. Just like they did before.

/

"Hey you," Beca hears from behind her, an arm linking around her own. She's in the middle of campus, so it really could be anybody, but she knows that voice and it belongs to the only person who would come up to her out of nowhere, immediately initiating physical contact.

"Hey Chloe," she replies without even looking over at the person next to her.

"Where you headed?"

"Radio station. I have a shift before Bellas rehearsal."

"You about to pump up the jam on the campus airwaves?"

"Hardly," Beca snorts. "More like...the exact opposite of that."

"Well, I'm sure you will be soon enough."

"You're confidence in me is utterly, bizarre," she replies dryly.

"Why? There's greatness in all of us you know. Sometimes we need to be reminded of it," Chloe says in all seriousness.

"Ok thanks Maya Angelou."

Chloe giggles. "I'm serious! There's something about you, Beca Mitchell. Something special. You may not be able to see it, but I do."

"Could you kindly remind Aubrey of what's so great about me. I swear she's just looking for an excuse to kick me off the Bellas."

Chloe sighs, looking over at her sympathetically. "Don't worry about Aubrey. She can't deny that you have a killer voice so as much as she lets on, she wouldn't kick you off. We need you too much. I'm sure deep down, she's happy to have you on the team."

"Wow you managed to say that with a straight face. Impressive."

"Shut up! I mean it! You are an important part of the Bellas."

"Thanks, Chloe. It's nice to have someone in my corner for once."

"You're kinda special, so it's not too hard," Chloe says, adding in a light hip check.

"Yeah, you've mentioned that," Beca replies, feeling the blush on her cheeks.

"Beca Mitchell, are you blushing!?"

"No."

Chloe pulls her to a stop, a big grin on her face.

"What? My face always looks like this. I have naturally red cheeks."

Chloe just keeps on grinning. That damn smile is so infectious, Beca is fighting every muscle and nerve in her face to stop from making that same stupid grin. She bites down hard on her lip, and she's sure to draw blood pretty soon. Both girls hold their ground, Chloe grinning like the Cheshire Cat and Beca trying to remain unemotive. Her efforts proved futile though, because Beca cracks, not being able to hold her ground anymore, and a small smirk plays at the corner of her mouth. She tries to play it off, but it did not go unnoticed by Chloe, who raises one eyebrow up and down ever so slightly. She leans in close and whispers "gotcha." All Beca would have to do is lean in an inch and their lips would touch. And what the hell kind of thought was that? But before she can divulge into that any further, Chloe is giving her a peck on the cheek, turning on her heels and walking away.

"You play dirty, Beale!" she shouts after the redhead.

Chloe turns back around, walking backwards now. "You haven't seen anything yet, Mitchell!" she shouts back.

Beca shakes her head, as Chloe faces forward, leaving her behind, throwing up a hand in the air and waving bye.

/

_She's outside, lying on her back, her mom beside her, looking like she did when Beca was just a little girl, but Beca is her current age. Her mom is healthy and happy, smiling over at Beca with a smile she nearly forgot existed. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and Beca is taking in just how blue the sky is. It's fascinating how consistent the color is throughout the sky, only disrupted by an array of fluffy, white clouds. She's never just marveled at nature like this. She closes her eyes, taking in a deep breath of the crisp air around her, extending her arms out to grasp the plush grass around her. A breeze passes through and Beca can hear how it touches everything around them. She feels her mom take her hand and they lie there together, side by side, nothing hurting, nothing broken. _

"_Beca, I love you so much, you know that right?" _

"_Yeah Mom, of course. I love you too."_

"_I'm sorry that I have to go."_

"_What? What are you talking about? Go where?"_

_Suddenly she feels the grasp on her hand loosen, and there is a chill in the air that bites at her skin. She looks over and the sight she is met with is an all too familiar horror. Empty eyes and too much blood oozing out of a bullet hole wound. _

_At first, no sound comes out of her mouth. And she's not breathing. But finally a sharp gasp of breath breaks the silence. Then screaming and sobbing. And finally words. "MOM! MOM!" _

She wakes up, gasping, her hands gripping the sheets. She quickly turns, burying her face in the pillow and biting down hard on the material, groaning. She doesn't want to wake her still sleeping roommate, knowing there will be no sympathy and only steely glares, probably a comment or two on Beca's inconvenient choices. When her breathing calms and she doesn't feel like screaming as much, she rolls on her back, staring up into the darkness. The clock reads 5:42 A.M. It's at least past 3 in the morning. That's an accomplishment.

Beca finds her headphones and iPod, after throwing on jeans and a hoodie, deciding that going for a walk is the safest thing to do right now. It's Saturday so at least the campus should be quiet at this hour. Anger and frustration rise up inside her as she strolls aimlessly. She thought she had got some control over the nightmares. She hasn't had one about her mom in a long time, her other demons dominating them most of the time. She slumps against a tree, her phone in hand, finding the number she shouldn't be dialing. She stops herself before pressing down. _Don't do it. Be strong. You don't need it._ _Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out._ She dials a different number instead, feeling guilty for how early it is, but knowing the person on the other end is the only person she can think of who would welcome her with open arms right now. She feels the smile pull at the corner of her mouth as the groggy voice answers.

"Hey...it's me. Sorry it's so early, I just, um...can I come over?"

/

"Are you okay?" Chloe immediately asks, opening the door to let Beca in.

"Yeah I'm fine...couldn't sleep," she answers, shrugging her shoulders, trying to sound casual. Chloe leads her into her bedroom, and sits back down on the bed.

"You sure? Beca, you don't look so good."

"Yes. I just, um...wanted to see you too I guess." _Did she just say that out loud?_ "Is that okay?"

Chloe smiles, grabbing Beca's hand. "Of course it's okay. I always love seeing you!"

Beca somehow manages to resist blushing, if that's even possible. "Can I sleep here for a bit?"

Chloe smiles and nods, pulling Beca down on the bed. She immediately curls up, closest to the wall, her back to Chloe. She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes, as she feels the covers being pulled over her, cocooning her in warmth. She then feels an arm snake around her waist, the press of Chloe's body against hers, and warm breath on her neck. Her body instinctively tenses up, but Chloe holds her ground, pressing into her more.

"Relax."

"Sorry," Beca whispers back.

Chloe giggles softly, her lips grazing Beca's ear. "It's okay. Just try to relax."

Beca only nods, her voice and breath caught in her throat.

"Breathing is good too."

She exhales, not realizing she was even holding her breath, and lets her body relax, eventually being able to just melt into Chloe, her eyes growing heavy, and the last thing she hears before slumber takes her is Chloe humming a familiar tune.

/

"So are you going to do the whole parent's weekend thing?" Chloe asks, breaking Beca away from her wandering mind. They had been laying in silence for a while after they woke up, accompanied only by the sounds of whatever music was on Chloe's iPod.

"Oh, um...no I don't think so, I mean my dad is here already and we don't really...hang out or whatever. He's busy anyway..."

"What about your mom?"

"No. She can't make it either," Beca lies, her mind frantically searching for something to change the subject too that won't be blatantly obvious she's trying to talk about something else, which will no doubt elicit a million investigative questions from the redhead.

"Want to go grab some food?" Beca asks.

"Ooh yes please, I'm starving! Nik's?"

"Sounds good," she replies, internally sighing in relief.

Nik's is the local diner/coffeehouse on campus. It's been there forever, owned by this old couple from some tiny country in Europe with too many consonants. They still speak in thick accents and somewhat broken English, but they have the best stories and Chloe's been patronizing the place since her first year at Barden, so they know her very well and have taken a liking to Beca as well. She swears the place never closes either. It's always open when you need it.

"Mmm I want a milkshake," Chloe says. She looks like she's actually visualizing the treat right now, a goofy grin on her face. Beca chuckles, tossing a pillow at her, bringing her back to reality.

"Hey!" Chloe laughs.

"Well if you want it we actually have to leave the room. You can't just say it outloud, like The Secret, and expect it to happen. I'm sorry, but Oprah was on crack the day she endorsed that piece of advice."

"I don't know, she might have been onto something because I'm thinking about it _real_ hard right now and I swear Bec, I can practically _taste_ it," Chloe says, closing her eyes and licking her lips, making moaning sounds.

"Should I leave you and your imaginary milkshake alone, or...?"

Chloe keeps her eyes closed, scrunching her face up a little. "Mmhmm...we're going to need some privacy. Oh, hello beautiful! You're lookin good today. I think this might be love at first sip..."

She stares at the redhead, shaking her head, a smile creeping on her lips.

Chloe opens one eye, finding Beca, trying to keep in character, but Beca laughs first, and it's all over for Chloe, who bursts out laughing too.

"You're unbelievable."

"Oh no, Beca Mitchell," Chloe says seriously, moving close to her," I am 100% real. You _better _believe it."

They're inches apart. Beca swallows hard, her stomach doing flip flops, her mind getting hazy as she takes in their close proximity. Chloe is just smirking at her, eyes narrowed, her eyebrow twitches up and down for a moment like she's challenging her to something.

"I um...won't ever doubt it again."

"Good. You shouldn't." She's staring right into her eyes.

Beca chuckles, feeling awkward and looks away briefly. Her whole body freezes when she looks back at Chloe, who has an intensity in her eyes that makes Beca skin turn bright red and she just wants to crawl in a hole right now because she knows Chloe can tell she's making her blush and is loving every second of it. Chloe giggles and Beca tries to look annoyed.

"You love doing that don't you?"

"You know, I really do."

/

"Blueberry pancakes and coffee for you Beca, and one milkshake for you Chloe," Inna, Nik's wife, says placing their orders in front of them.

"Thanks Inna! I've been craving this _all_ day!" Chloe chirps, rolling her eyes slowly at the word "all."

"You won't be disappointed. I make it perfect just for you my ginger love," Inna coos, smiling at Chloe, who beams back at her. "Enjoy!" she chimes, walking away.

Chloe pulls the milkshake closer to her, keeping her eyes on Beca, who isn't paying attention. She's buttering up her pancakes, glancing over to find the syrup, and sipping her coffee. Beca feels the gaze on her, and stops what she's doing, moving her eyes to look at Chloe. Chloe takes the straw in her mouth, wrapping her tongue around it, and slowly closes her eyes. She takes a sip and swallows, throwing her head back and letting out a really big "Mmmmmmmm!"

She keeps this up for a good minute, Beca just staring at her. She hears Inna yell, "I tell you! I make perfect!"

"Oh Inna you weren't lying! Ooohhh!"

Inna chuckles, a satisfied smile on her face. Beca goes back to her pancakes and coffee, ignoring the dramatic moans coming from across the table. Chloe seems to go silent for a moment, then calls Beca's name. She looks up to find Chloe staring at her mischievously, a glob of milkshake on her nose.

"Do I have anything on my face?" Chloe asks innocently.

"This is me ignoring you," Beca says, turning her attention back to her food.

"I just feel like I may have gotten some milkshake on my face. Can you tell me?"

"All good," Beca responds, still not looking up.

She hears some shifting in the seat across from her, lifting her eyes up to investigate what Chloe is up to now, and she's greeted with Chloe's face inches from hers, a glob of milkshake still dripping off her nose.

"Beca...are you _sure_ there's nothing on my face?"

Two can play at this game.

"I'm sure...oh you know, actually I _do_ see something." She picks up her fork with blueberry topping all over it and presses it to Chloe's cheek. "Yep...you got a little blueberry on your cheek," she says smoothly, smirking.

Chloe keeps her cool. She opens her mouth to say something when suddenly someone else is joining Chloe on her side of the booth.

Shower guy.

"Hey babe. Why do you have food all over your face? And how do you make it look so cute?" _Barf. _Beca rolls her eyes. _Oh Jeremy don't you just say the darndest things._ Chloe sits back down in her seat, turning to him, a smile on her face to humor him.

"Here I'll get it," he says, taking his finger and wiping off the blueberries first, licking his finger clean, then doing the same with the milkshake. "There ya go...mmm that's good! Maybe I'll order one! Oh hey Beca!"

She returns his greeting with half-smile.

"Jeremy," Chloe says in an even tone, his attention turning back to her.

"Chloe," he mimics back.

"We're kind of in the middle of something," she tells him sweetly.

He looks at her like he thinks she's joking, but quickly realizes she's saying that in all seriousness.

"Oh...ok. I will just let you be then." He slides out of the booth, giving Chloe a quick kiss on the cheek. Beca gets a sudden urge to reach across the table and push him away.

"Text me later?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

Chloe smiles and nods, and he leaves, Chloe watching him walk out. Once he's out of sight, she turns her attention back to Beca.

"Sorry about that."

"So you and shower guy huh?"

"He should be so lucky," Chloe teases with a smirk on her face. "No, he's just..._around _sometimes. No big deal.

"Oh, ok."

"Does it bother you that he's around?"

"I just think you could do better."

"And who's better?"

"I don't know, Chloe! Just someone _else_, I guess."

She smiles at Beca, reaching her hand out and placing it on top of hers.

"Well you don't have to worry about him. Okay?"

Beca offers back a small smile in response, and a slight nod of her head.

The knot in her stomach eases a little bit, and she can't help but notice that she really doesn't like that "he's around." But she just shakes it off and they finish their food - Chloe talking, Beca listening.

Nik appears at their table, a big smile on his face. "Ah my favorite ladies! How is everything today?"

"Oh Nik, you sure know how to make a girl feel special," Chloe teases.

"Well it's easy when it's the two of you. I see you had the milkshake, Inna makes the best you know."

"I sure do. Just ask Beca," she says smirking, throwing her a quick wink.

Beca rolls her eyes, shaking her head. "Don't get her started."

"Beca, why so grumpy? You always smile when you're with Chloe!"

Beca knows her face is about 30 shades redder right now and Chloe is beaming at her.

"I do not," she mutters under her breath.

"Ok whatever you say," he says, smiling. "Well I have to get back to business. Keep this one out of trouble, Beca!" he says, chuckling, and pointing at Chloe.

"Who, me?!" Chloe gasps.

Beca snorts out a laugh. "She'd actually have to _listen_ to me for that to work."

"I'm a very good listener!"

"You're a selective listener."

"Funny, that's what Inna says to me."

"And it's true!" Inna says from out of nowhere as she passes by their booth.

"Oh Inna my love, I always listen to you!" he says playfully, following behind her, giving the girls a wink as he walks away. He catches up to her, giving her puppy dog eyes and she smiles back at him. He kisses her on the nose, and the cuteness is overwhelming. Beca has to look away. She sees Chloe is also transfixed by the daily love story that is Nik and Inna. Her hand is under her chin as she longingly stares at the older couple. She sighs, tilting her head to the side, keeping her gaze fixed on them.

"Do you think I'll ever find someone to fall in love with the way Nik & Inna are in love? Sometimes I think I'll never get that. That I won't find someone to love me...really love me."

"Of course you will. Anybody would be stupid not to fall in love with you," Beca replies, but it comes out a little harsh for some reason.

"Wow that was romantic," Chloe teases.

"Well look at you, you're beautiful, smart, funny, kind, cheery, and all the other things people generally like in a person." She hears her tone becoming more annoyed and frustrated, and she doesn't really mean it to be. Well, maybe she does. It's just hard to hear people like Chloe talk about things that, in her opinion, they are clearly going to obtain in their lives. Meanwhile, people like Beca can't sustain human interaction for very long and will probably just die alone and miserable. "You'll find someone. Okay?"

Chloe looks taken aback. "It's funny because those words were all _complimentary_ yet your tone would suggest otherwise."

She knows she should just shut up. She knows this.

"Come on, Chloe. You really think _you're_ not going to find somebody to love you? Guys are always tripping over themselves to be with you. I've seen it. Look at Jeremy. Don't ask questions you know the answer too. Self-deprecation isn't attractive. There's a lot of people out there who don't have what you have and won't ever get what you're definitely going to get." She opens her mouth to say more, but closes it quickly when she sees Chloe's expression.

"No, please, go on."

Beca sighs. Foot, this is mouth. Oh you've met before? Shocking.

"I'm done," Beca replies sheepishly.

"For the record, I'm not interested in any of those guys who are apparently tripping over themselves to be with me. Just because I have options doesn't mean they are the options I want."

"At least you _have_ options!" Beca says, knowing she needs to stop, that this is one of those arguments you get into that mean nothing and you're just arguing for the sake of it.

Chloe doesn't have a retort, thankfully because Beca really doesn't need to be egged on right now. She pulls out some money to leave on the table, puts her wallet back in her bag and zips it up.

"I think we should go, continue this discussion somewhere else. Or not at all, I wouldn't hate that idea either."

Beca's feeling ashamed of herself already. She sighs an "okay" and grabs her things. They bid adieu to Nik and Inna, and leave.

They walk for several minutes in silence. Beca grabs Chloe's arm, stopping them.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I snapped at you. Can we not do this awkward, weird silence anymore? I don't say things very well, and it was just like...word vomit. Stupid stuff. I'm feeling much better now though. No more nausea."

Chloe thinks it over, painstakingly long, which she's probably doing on purpose. But suddenly she's pulled into a hug, which she knows to interpret at forgiveness. She returns the pressure, melting into her friend's warmth, taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry I suck that this. I'll work on not sucking so much," she mumbles into Chloe.

Chloe laughs. "Please do," she teases.

They break apart, but there's this energy between them that Beca feels and it's freaking the hell out of her even though she's keeping her cool on the outside. Chloe fidgets, seemingly sensing something too.

"Chloe!" they both hear, making them both jump a little. Aubrey appears at their side, giving Beca the fakest smile ever, before quickly turning her attention back to Chloe. "Hey, there you are, I've been looking for you. We have a bunch of Bella stuff to go over. Do you have time...or...were you guys in the middle of something?" she asks, her eyes going back and forth between the two of them.

"No, it's fine. I was just leaving. See ya Chloe."

"Oh...ok. Bye Beca."

She turns and walks away. Hanging with Chloe is cool, but hanging with Aubrey is not, and she knows the Bellas leader doesn't want her around more than she has to stand her anyway. She'll use the distraction-free time to work on some mixes...


	2. Chapter 2

"This class sucks," Beca mumbles to Fat Amy. They're only 15 minutes into their Intro to Business class, and Beca can't stand the monotone voice of their professor. She sinks down in her chair farther, hoping the floor will just swallow her up so she can escape the utter mundaneness of this class.

"I heard if you picture the professor naked, your interest in what he's talking about will immediately increase," Amy says, while doodling some very inappropriate, Beca suddenly notices, pictures into her textbook.

"Yeah...I don't think that's how it works. You're not saying it right," Beca responds absentmindedly because she's fixated on whatever the hell Amy is drawing. _Is that a...oh my. _

"Whatever...American phrases make it to Tasmania like a game of telephone. By the time we get it, it's something different." She's getting very detailed, as she inches her face closer to the page.

Beca's eyes widen. "Is that..."

"Maybe it goes, you should draw your professor naked and your interest will peak. I can't ever remember. What do you think?" she asks, turning the textbook so Beca can get a better look.

"Oh my God." Beca hisses, closing the textbook loudly. The professor actually registers the sound, glancing up at them. Beca makes a "I'm sorry" face, and when she glances at Amy, she finds her grinning and flashing a wink. Their professor furrows his brow and looks away quickly, continuing on about whatever he was talking about.

"He's kind of got it goin on, right? For an old chap." Amy says, raising her eyebrows at Beca.

"Um, sure. I guess."

"Have you ever done it with an old dude?"

"What?! No...ew."

"Yeah me either...but I think it could be hot."

"Gross."

"Your dad's pretty serious with the stepmonster right?"

"Ignoring you."

Amy smiles at her, chuckling softly. It seems Chloe isn't the only one who loves to make her feel very uncomfortable.

/

She takes a deep breath, hesitating before knocking on the door, the name "Dr. Mitchell." in big bold letters on the center placard.

"Come in!"

"Oh hey, Bec!" her dad exclaims upon seeing her enter the office.

"Hey dad."

"Here, have a seat," he offers clearing the chair by his desk of pile of papers.

"Thanks."

"So do what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I um, need to ask you something."

"Ok. Shoot."

"It's just um...I need some money. I really need this piece of software that would really help me take my mixes to the next level. And I'm using it for the Bellas so it's for a good cause!" she says quickly. Not that any of them know this, but that's beside the point, and she plans on sharing her mixes with them eventually, so it's not a total lie.

He sighs, thinking it over for a moment, before pulling out his wallet.

"How much?"

"Four hundred..." she mutters.

"Four _hundred_? Geez Beca, what kind of software is this?"

"I really, really need it. Please dad."

He gives in, handing it over. She knows this is a way easier way for him to try and make up to Beca for walking out all those years ago, instead of actually trying to connect with her. He acts reluctant, but he's probably internally sighing in relief that he can just hand over some money to get a smile out of his daughter.

"Thanks. Ok well, I'm going to go pick it up so I can get to work. See you."

"Oh ok. See you Beca."

She half-smiles at him, turning towards the door. She hears a quick "love you!" as she's closing the door behind her, but decides to just keep walking.

She waits to get outside the building his office is in to send the text.

_I got cash. can you meet me? Usual place._

Her heart is racing, her foot tapping against the ground fast as she waits for a response.

_10 minutes._

She smiles, exhaling.

She rounds to corner to the meeting spot, and he's already there.

"Damn girl, you went through that fast. Need a fix already?"

'Stop talking like you're some thug drug dealer from the city. You sell 'scripts to privileged college kids. Get over yourself."

"Wow, that hurts Beca. Here you were my favorite customer, but if you're just going to insult me, I can take my business elsewhere."

"Fine. I'll keep my 200 bucks then."

It's too easy.

"Alright, alright. But I need to keep a level of respect here. Street cred you know?"

"I'll keep that in mind," she says sarcastically, taking out the money her dad just gave her. "Here," she says, holding it out to him.

"I love the smell of money in the morning," he smirks, taking the bills and handing her the baggy of pills.

She rolls her eyes at him, stuffing the baggy into her backpack. "See ya, Ronnie."

"Always a pleasure," he says with a bow, before walking away.

She knows this is wrong, but they just won't stop and she has to sleep. There's no way she can keep up with school and the Bellas if she's never sleeping. She just needs a little help to keep it under control.

/

Bellas practices are going alright. Aubrey doesn't listen to a word she says. They're set is outdated and boring, but Aubrey is dead set on this routine, convinced it's a winner. Chloe doesn't do anything to help persuade Aubrey to budge a little, which annoys Beca because she knows Chloe agrees with her, at least a little. They're booked to perform at some ridiculous frat mixer which turns out to be a disaster. Aubrey looks like she's going to lose it any day now. They're in rehearsal one night, going over the choreography for the thousandth time. Chloe comes up behind Beca, pressing up against the back of her, grabbing her the wrists. "It's like this," she whispers into Beca's ear, sending shivers down her spine, while Chloe moves her arms in sync with her own.

"Yeah, I got it," Beca says, trying to look annoyed.

"Really? Could have fooled me. Sure you weren't just hoping I'd come over to help you?"

"Pssh. You wish."

Chloe giggles softly, squeezing Beca's wrists softly, before letting go and turning her attention to Stacie groping herself again.

"Oh my gosh...Stacie!"

Beca laughs, but catches Aubrey's glare and her smile drops. She goes back to the steps, pretending to focus.

/

Her problem is getting worse. The pills don't seem to help, at least not consistently. She doubles her dose, hoping for at least one night of straight, peaceful sleep. One manages to sneak past the haze of drugs. It comes in the dead of night. _Running. Crying. Distant voices. She falls down, curls up into herself. Paralyzed. She can't breathe. The voice getting louder._ W_ho would love you, it sneers. Nobody cares about you. What do you have to offer in this world? You're a fake, you're a liar. You wouldn't know love if it punched you in the face. You're not worth it, you're not worth anything._ _Lies, she replies weakly...you're lying. Laughter. Maniacal laughter_. Beca wakes up in a cold sweat, panting, like she actually was just running for her life. She bites down hard on the inside of her cheek to suppress the tears, as if crying means giving in. And she won't give in. She can't. It's all over if she does, and Beca's got enough fight in her to keep it in. She tastes blood. The clock shows 4:12 A.M.

Although exhausted, Beca can't go back to sleep. It's not safe yet. The nightmare is too close. Still waiting in the shadows. She decides to head to Nik's It's been her escape when she can't go back to sleep. And it'll nice and quiet at this time. She throws on some jeans and a hoodie, grabs her laptop, headphones, and backpack and is out the door in less than 10 minutes.

The campus is erie and quiet...but Beca doesn't mind. It's only Wednesday so no late night party stragglers finally making their way home. The only bad thing about it being this quiet, is that Beca's thoughts seem too loud. Music will take care of that soon enough, she thinks plugging in her headphones into her ipod and cranking up the latest playlist.

Just as she thought, only a couple other people are in the cafe, besides Nik & Inna.

"Couldn't sleep again, eh?" Nik asks, pouring her coffee at the front counter.

"No..big test coming up," she lies,"I guess I'm just stressed about it."

"You kids stress yourselves out _too_ much. You need to learn to relax. Work hard, but also, relax!" Inna says, coming up behind Nik from the back. "Life is meant to be enjoyed! And _you_ are meant to enjoy it, my darling!"

Beca smiles. Inna, like Chloe, has a way of being able to cheer you up no matter what. "I'll try to remember that. Thanks for the coffee."

"Inna just made some chocolate croissants. Want to make sure they are good enough to sell?" Nik asks, winking.

"Of course they are good enough! I make them perfectly. Old recipe. Very secret." she teases back, pushing the pastry towards Beca.

"But just to be 110% sure, I'll test it out," Beca says, earning a chuckle out of them. She says thanks again and finds a cozy spot to hunker down in, to focus on the latest mix she's been working on. Usually she can just lose herself in her current music project...but she just can't seem to shake this latest nightmare. The words ring in her ears...in her mind. getting louder. Beca squeezes her eyes shut...puts her hands over her headphones, trying to push the music into her ears faster...maybe she can drown out the words if she just pushes. _You shoot me down, but I won't fall...I am Titanium. _ After a bit, Beca releases herself and opens her eyes, not looking up, but sliding the headphones off her ears. She can feel it, an uprising inside her.

"Beca?" asks a familiar voice. Once again, this girl manages to find Beca in a vulnerable state. Whether it's physically naked or emotionally naked.

Beca looks up slowly, to find Chloe looking at her with a worried expression on her face, which quickly changes to a smile once their eyes meet. Beca can't help but feel a little better, a little lighter, not much...but a little.

"Hey." Beca breathes out.

Chloe sits down next to her. "You alright?"

"Oh sure...yea, I'm good." she replies, eliciting an unconvinced look from the redhead, who raises her eyebrows at her. "Chloe, I'm fine...promise...just tired. Kimmy Jin was, uh, snoring...so I just decided to come get some work done since I couldn't sleep...'cause of the snoring. I knew the coffee shop was already open, and you know how I feel about coffee...so since I couldn't sleep...'cause of the snoring, I came...here" she finishes.

Chloe furrows her brow at her, smirking a little, definitely unconvinced with this answer, but to Beca's relief doesn't push it.

"So whatchya workin on?" Chloe asks, leaning into Beca, her eyes on the computer screen.

Beca is frozen for a second, the scent of Chloe's shampoo is really nice and she's trying to figure out what it is. Chloe turns to look at Beca, smiling. Beca shakes herself out of her own head.

"Uh...oh, it's nothing really. Just something I thought we could use for the Bellas. Well, that is if Aubrey would ever listen to me, which has about as good of a chance of happening as the zombie apocalypse."

Chloe just sighs, because Beca knows she knows that they've had this discussion many times, with the same result. Aubrey is going to do what she wants to do and thinks is best, and Chloe can't (or won't) change her mind, and thats...that. So Beca decides to change the subject.

"What are you doing up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep either." Chloe responds with a shrug and a yawn. "So I figured I'd come here and read or something...and then I saw you!"

Chloe smiles and Beca tiredly smiles back. They talk for a while, letting the minutes and hours pass by. Usually conversation is something Beca avoids, finding it usually mundane, forced, and exhausting. But, with Chloe of course, it's effortless...so she doesn't mind it as much.

"Can I ask you something?" Chloe asks cautiously, her tone putting Beca on edge a little bit knowing it won't be some casual question.

'If you must," she responds.

Chloe furrows her brow, chewing on her lower lip as if she's unsure if she actually wants to ask the question, but she eventually gets it out. "Where's your mom?"

_Of course she's asking about her mother. Although it was bound to come out eventually, she thinks. Chloe has a way of getting information out of her that she doesn't usually share._

She sighs, her eyes downcast, not being able to meet Chloe's.

"Nevermind, you don't have to answer, sorry I shouldn't have asked, it was stu-"

"She died," Beca says, interrupting Chloe's rambling.

"Oh," Chloe says quietly. She places her hand on Beca's. "I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about it."

"Thanks. It um, it was a long time ago." Chloe stays quiet, she can feel her sad eyes on her, and when she looks up she doesn't meet them, instead looking for the clock. She yawns, feeling the lack of sleep catching up with her. She starts to gather her stuff, anxious to change the subject. "Well Kimmy Jin has class until like 3...I think I'm going to skip my next two classes and try and catch up on some sleep. They're just reviews for tests anyway."

"Mind if I join you?" Chloe asks and Beca stops gathering her things, looking up at Chloe, who's giving her her puppy dog eyes. "It's just, Aubrey has this big oral presentation coming up and she's been pacing through our dorm room reciting it over and over and over. I just need a quiet place for a little bit, and it's a class-free day for me. Please?"

"Yeah, alright."

"YAY CUDDLE TIME!" Chloe shouts, clapping her hands. Beca rolls her eyes and laughs, throwing her bag over her shoulder. Chloe's links her arm around Beca's, as they walk to back to her dorm.

/

Beca sleepily opens her eyes, to find her vision blurred by red. She blinks a few times, trying to regain her vision, but still the same thing. Her mind is a little groggy, but she finally realizes she can't see because Chloe has buried her head in Beca's chest, arms wrapped snuggly around Beca's midsection. Her breathing is slow and constant, and she's quickly lulled back to sleep.

The next time she wakes up, the first thing she feels is someone running their hands through her hair and rubbing her head, which feels very good. She slowly opens her eyes, taking in where she's at. She finds herself half on top of Chloe, her face on her stomach. She pushes herself up with her arms, one hand on either side of Chloe. She looks around, finding her leg nudged between Chloe's knees, and when she looks up, she sees Chloe smirking at her.

"Well well well, look who is quite the cuddler."

Beca quickly rolls off of her, onto her back on the other side of the bed.

"Am not. I can't help what I do when I'm asleep," she mutters back. "Sorry...I didn't mean to...I shouldn't have...I'll um...keep to my side of the bed next time."

Chloe giggles, rolling on her side, propping herself up on her elbow. "You don't need to apologize. I invade your personal space like every day, so you don't need to say sorry for the one time you do it. Not that I felt invaded by the way."

"Okay...," Beca replies, feeling awkward. She looks away, her eyes finding the little bit of skin exposed between Chloe's pants and shirt, and her heart begins to race as these thoughts rush into her mind. Thoughts of reaching out and touching that skin, feeling that skin against her own. She realizes she's staring and snaps out of it, a blush creeping on her cheeks. This doesn't go unnoticed by Chloe, and a mischievous smile spreads across her face.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," she replies a little too quick.

Chloe giggles. "You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

_Like that I want to kiss you right now and I don't know why. I don't think so._

"Mmhmm."

"Ya know Beca, I-"

But Chloe doesn't get to finish her thought because Kimmy Jin walks in, rolling her eyes at their presence as she takes a seat at her desk.

"Well I should probably be going," Chloe says. "I have some stuff to get done before Bellas practice. See ya later?"

"See you later," Beca confirms. Chloe leaves, and Beca rolls over on her stomach, burying face in her pillow, groaning in frustration.

"Just tell her you like her," she hears Kimmy Jin say, and her head snaps up. Her back is still to her, and she's typing away on her computer like she didn't just call Beca out.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play dumb," her roommate responds dryly.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Whatever."

Beca puts her headphones on, just wanting to get lost in the music, and mostly to ignore Kimmy Jin. She puts on an acoustic playlist, which doesn't happen often, but sometimes she just needs that raw sound that only some plucks of a guitar and a voice can bring. "Fast Car" comes on and she lets the rhythm and the words take her away.

_You got a fast car_

_And I want a ticket to go anywhere_

_Maybe we make a deal_

_Maybe together we can get somewhere_

_Anyplace is better_

_Starting from zero got nothing to lose_

_Maybe we'll make something_

_But me myself I got nothing to prove_

_I remember we were driving, driving in your car_

_The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk_

_City lights lay out before us_

_And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder_

_And I had a feeling that I belonged_

_And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone..._

"And I...had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone...," Beca softly sings to herself, letting her mind drift away.


	3. Chapter 3

The days went by in a blur, the nightmares a frequent visitor. The pills provide sporadic relief, so she keeps taking them. She mostly just tries to keep busy, keep her mind from wandering. She went to class, worked on mixes, hung out with Chloe, hung out with Jesse, worked at the station, had Bellas practice. Her times with Chloe became more and more frequent, as she became a frequent visitor as well, but a much more welcome one. For some reason Beca can't fathom, Chloe really likes hanging out with her. Chloe brings joy to everything and even though she's a big bubble of energy, it's relaxing to be with her. Like she doesn't have to try as hard. And they can be perfectly fine just sitting in silence, enjoying one another's presence. It's not always a discussion, which is nice. No pressure to be anything, or fill the silence. Free to just be. Or not be.

Tonight, Beca was anxious to get back to her room because Kimmy Jin has a night class, so she could count on having the room to herself after Bellas practice. Once she got home, she found her acoustic guitar, which hid under her bed, because for whatever reason she didn't want everybody knowing about her acoustic skills. So she kept it a secret and pulled it out from time to time. It helped her get back to basics. Plus "Titanium" sounded really good stripped raw. She was strumming along, singing to herself, when suddenly the door was swinging open, and who else but Chloe was sitting next to her on the bed in a second, Beca barely having time to register what was happening.

"Oh my God, Beca I didn't know you played guitar!" Chloe said excitedly.

"Um...yea well I didn't think it was anything to share. You know one usually _knocks_ then _waits_ for a person to open the door before barging in." Chloe tilts her head in mock confusion. "But I must remember this is YOU and you have no problem at all barging in showers, so..."

"Beca Mitchell, if I didn't barge in, you wouldn't ever let me in. So barge I must. And again, it was your voice that made me do it. I had no control."

"Mmhmm, ok." Beca starts to put her guitar away, but Chloe grabs her arm.

"Wait! What are you doing? You're not stopping are you? Will you play something for me? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplea se!" Chloe begs, already armed with her puppy dog eyes and protruding lower lip.

"I don't really play for other people, Chloe." Beca says firmly.

"Yea but it's me." Chloe says, like this solves everything.

"Oh well when you put it that way, how could I have not considered that?" Beca replies sarcastically.

"So that's a yes?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Well of course you have a choice..."

"Yea, but if I don't you'll just pout."

"Excuse me I do not pout."

Beca raises an eyebrow at Chloe.

"I don't! I just...linger in my feelings. It's different. Please Beca! I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you, but like I said I could hear you through the door before I knocked and it just sounded so amazing. Plus you won't let me listen to your mixes, which I really don't understand wh-."

"Ugh, fine." Beca grumbles, cutting her off. "But this is a one time deal, okay? Just this once."

"Really? Yay! And yes of course...just this once!" Chloe replies a little too agreeable for Beca's liking, because let's be honest Chloe has no intentions of sticking to this deal.

Beca situates herself more comfortably so she can play. She faces Chloe, who's looking at her as if she's waiting for her favorite band to hit the stage, so expectantly. She's trying to hate this more than she really is, but there's actually a little excitement building up in her. It's not that she's not confident in her voice or playing, but the thought of playing to someone like this just feels too intimate, too close. But she figures if it's gonna happen, she'd want it to be with Chloe.

"Any requests?" Beca asks sarcastically, but then sees Chloe genuinely thinking, so she backtracks. "I was kidding." She notices the disappointment in Chloe's eyes so she adds, already regretting the words before they come out. "We'll save requests for the next unplugged session."

"The next one?" Chloe asks, not being able to hide the excitement.

"Chloe we both know you're not going to let this be a one time only thing."

"Beca!" she mockingly gasps. "I'm disappointed you don't have faith in me to keep my word."

"Mmhmm, I'm sure you are. Okay pipe down, let's just get this over with."

"Yes, get it _over _with, _please_." Chloe replies, grinning.

Beca smirks back at her, softly clears her throat, finds the chords she wants, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

_Hush now, watch the stars fall  
Into a fire wall  
I am waiting here  
Waiting for you to come home_

Sinking embers glow  
Melting icy snow  
And I am waiting here  
Waiting for you to come home

And I watch them burn  
When will I ever learn?  
If I wait it doesn't mean  
You will return

And I watch them burn  
When will I ever learn?  
If I wait it doesn't mean  
You will return

Now all the stars have gone  
Faded into cracks of dawn  
And I'm still waiting here  
Waiting for you to come home

I am waiting here  
Waiting for you to come home

She doesn't look up at Chloe during the song at all, focusing on strumming and where she's placing her fingers, or just closing her eyes. After the last strum of the guitar, she just hums a capella, the same little humming part from the song, keeping her eyes down. When silence becomes the only thing heard in the room, she decides to look up at Chloe, whose blue eyes are wide, transfixed on her, and her mouth is kind of half hanging open.

"That was...AMAZING Beca!"

"Really? You liked it?"

"Ohmygod YES! I mean, first of all, good choice with Norah, and second...and more important...you sounded...it was just..." she seemed to be at a loss for words, which is something of a rarity for the redhead. Beca can't help but laugh softly at her inability to speak. "Thank you," is what she finally settles on.

"You're welcome." Beca says, laying her guitar down.

"No, really." Chloe grabs Beca's wrists, looking at her so intently it's almost comical. "Thank you, Beca. Thank you for doing that for me. I think I just fell in love with you!"

"Um...?" she stammers awkwardly.

Chloe just giggles. "Relax, Beca I'm not gonna jump you," she says with a playful grin. Her smile fades a little when she asks, "So...was that song about someone in particular?"

Beca sighs, debating whether to answer. She surprises herself a little when the words just start pouring out, before she can really stop herself. "My dad. He split from my mom when I was 15. But they hadn't been good for a while before that. There was lots of yelling. Then silence. Then yelling. It was a Thursday, the day he left for good. I remember being so sure he'd come back. There were plenty of times where'd he leave for a couple days here and there, after a really bad fight, but he'd always come back. My mom was tough to deal with sometimes, I know, but, I didn't think he'd just up and leave us and then one day he did. And it got bad...with my mom. I'd just sing those words over and over - _And I'm still waiting here, Waiting for you to come home," _she sings softly. "I just wanted him to come back and fix everything. But that never happened. We've never really resolved anything between us. I mean, he's apologized and stuff, but the elephant in the room has basically taken up permanent residence. I don't know if we'll ever get back to normal. I think this deal we made about him helping me move to LA after this year is his way of trying."

Chloe grabs Beca's hand, and she flinches a little, her natural reaction to pull away, but lets her hand rest. She turns her hand over in Chloe's, intertwining their fingers, studying the movements as she moves her thumb in a circular motion around Chloe's palm. She can feel Chloe's eyes on her, but won't meet them.

"Beca...," Chloe says softly,

Beca drops her hand and stands up.

"Um hey I gotta go, I have a big test tomorrow and I really need to hit the library and study, so..."

"I can help you if you want, make flashcards and quiz you or something," Chloe offers.

"No that's okay, it's not really that kind of test." She starts to throw some things in her bag, but then realizes she didn't know why Chloe came here in the first place. "Oh by the way, did you need something, why did you come over?"

"Oh um...ya know what I don't even remember. Must have not been important," Chloe says, and Beca can tell she'snot being truthful, but can't bring herself to confront Chloe about it.

"Okay well, I'll walk ya out. And thanks for the offer on studying, I just need to really focus, that's all..."

"Yea, no I get it. No worries."

_Why does it feel so awkward right now? What is Chloe not saying? Nope, don't go there, she thinks. She doesn't even want to know, even though she has a feeling what it might be. But if that's even remotely true, she can't even think about that right now. It's not possible anyway. No way._

They're just outside Beca's building, just standing in awkward silence. _Why is Chloe being awkward right now? She's never awkward. Okay, just walk away Beca - this is ridiculous._

"Alright, see ya Chloe!" she says, in a voice that is less like her own and more like a robot that's had too many Redbulls. Chloe gives her a funny look, but goes along.

"Ok, see ya."

Beca just stands there for a second, then turns on her heels and walks away. She gets to the library, not needing to go in, since she didn't actually have a test tomorrow to study for. But she knows it's the one place right now Chloe won't be. She decides to just go in anyway, finding a quiet and deserted area to be in. She just needs to get a grip in her head right now. These feelings for Chloe were a little overwhelming. _These feelings for Chloe. _She doesn't even know what to think of that. She's never really had feelings, especially like this, for another person, let alone another girl. The guys in high school never interested her; she never gave them the chance anyway. And she had good reasons, reasons you really can't argue with. But this was all new territory. Because she's never had a friend like Chloe either.

Maybe this is just how real friends are. Labeling herself as _gay_ was something Beca just can't wrap her mind around. It feels too, decisive. She's more than her sexual identity, whatever the hell it may or may not be. She's not into girls, she's just into Chloe. No one has ever made her feel the way Chloe does. How does that work? What does that mean? Maybe she's just overthinking it, like she usually does. Maybe this is something she needs to just _go with_. But what the hell does that even mean? If she could just shut her mind off, for once, let things be, let herself be...maybe she'd get some clarity. Maybe she could understand.

Beca stays at the library for a couple hours, before making her way home. Kimmy Jin is already asleep, so she does her best to keep quiet. She takes advantage of the empty bathroom to take a shower, keeping her songs in her head so as to not attract any shower intruders. Chloe busting in on her is definitely the _last_ thing she needs right now. She successfully showers solo and crashes into bed, throwing a couple pills in her mouth and passing out almost the moment her head hits the pillow.

When she wakes up, she gives herself a mental high five for making it through the night with no nightmares. She's not panting, crying, or shaking. But her senses take over and her heart drops into her stomach as she realizes she's definitely not in her dorm room and the familiar forestry engulfs her. She's running again, lies in truth's clothing assaulting her. She falls to the ground and covers her ears, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. _Please stop_, she begs. The dominant voice is replaced with a softer one, one she recognizes, but it could be a trap. It feels so close now. The owner of this voice must be right next to her, but she doesn't dare open her eyes.

_It's okay, Beca. Please don't run away. ((I have to)) Shh...Just stay. Please. Just breathe. Hold on to me. Can you feel me? ((uh huh)) I'm right here. You're okay. ((I can't)) It's okay. ((No, don't say that! It's never been okay, ever...)) Please believe me though...everything's going to be okay. ((No it's not!))_

"Beca! Beca! Wake up!" Her eyes shoot open. She's covered in sweat and panting, trying to catch her breath. When she's composed herself enough to take in where she is and what is happening...Beca is greeted by a pair of familiar blue eyes that can somehow make everything better. That familiar smile that, at least for a moment, takes everything else away, and she can relax. But that moment usually subsides quickly because it's too good to be true and you have to get back to reality. But she's there. At her side. Looking right at her.

Beca looks away, not being able to hold Chloe's gaze. She's never been good at that. Like if she allows someone to look into her eyes long enough, they'll figure her out. They'll know. And they'll be gone. Because she's too broken on the inside. Too broken for anyone to put her back together. And she's learned to live with that. She copes and lives her life. And she's never wanted anyone to be the glue to put her back together. It's easier that way. At least she's not hurting anyone but herself. If you want to be a complete emotional fuck-up, that's your right...as long as you don't bring other people into your shit. People mean well, but when it comes down to it, nobody really wants to make the effort, sort through the emotional baggage, really listen...because sometimes it's just too messy. Nobody really wants to hear what you have to say. It's hard to hear anyone else, when we're screaming on the inside, secretly wishing someone will hear us. And ask. And care.

"Beca, are you okay? Sweetie, you're soaked...and you're shaking," Chloe says, studying Beca's face and grabbing a hold of both her hands. She doesn't look at Beca the way most people usually do, like she's about to crack, like she's a ticking time bomb. Like she's someone to steer clear of, be wary of. She looks at Beca with genuine concern and care...trying to figure out what she needs to do, to make Beca better. The hurt, pain, confusion, and anger are all sitting like a rock in her throat. She swallows it, pushing it away. It hurts. She's trying to steady her breath right now and they just sit in silence for a bit. Chloe doesn't push. Not that she hasn't been pushy with Beca, but they've struck some sort of balance, Chloe learning to not cross _every_ boundary. _Who did this girl think she was? _Beca would think. _Busting into her shower stall, demanding an impromptu audition. Invading her personal bubble every chance she got. Investing in Beca's life. Caring._ But Beca got more and more used to Chloe's affection. She stopped fighting the hugs, tried to enjoy them, and maybe even started to look forward to them.

Chloe pushed some flyaway hairs out of Beca's face, tucking them behind her ear, lingering for a moment with her hand at Beca's cheek. She moves her thumb over Beca's ear. It calms her. Music is her therapy; her ears the veins for the drug. It's like a jumpstart to her heart. And the way to her heart is through her ears. But it was all too much sometimes.

"Beca?"

Beca comes to, so the speak, getting out of her head and finally acknowledging Chloe. "Yea, I'm okay," she says, with a deep sigh. "Just a dream." Chloe pulls her in and she tucks her face into the Chloe's neck, taking her in. And for a moment, hope is restored. Chloe begins to break away, but Beca tugs her back in, not wanting to stop this feeling she has right now.

"Hmm," she hears Chloe sigh into her. She can feel her smile on her skin.

They finally break apart, Chloe keeping a hand on each of of Beca's arms, steadying her. Chloe looks around and grabs a dry shirt off the floor.

"Here, you should get out of that." Chloe says, handing the shirt to Beca.

"Thanks," Beca responds with a weak smile. "Hey, how the heck did you get in here, anyway? She then notices that the other side of the room is unoccupied. "And where is Kimmy Jin?"

Chloe studies her face for a moment, before responding. "Well...she texted me from your phone, saying you were thrashing in your sleep, and having, like, a sleep panic attack. She didn't want to deal with you so she asked me to come over. And I'm sure she'll deny this, but she sounded concerned for you."

Wow, Beca thought. She didn't think her roommate gave two shits about her...although at the same time feeling a little embarrassed at what she might have been doing during that nightmare. But thankful all the same that she texted Chloe...making a mental note to somehow thank Kimmy Jin.

"Was she pissed when she let you in?" Beca asks, knowing the answer.

"Well...she wasn't ecstatic, but if you ask me, she at least looked relieved to see me...ya know...come to the rescue." Chloe added with a wink and a nudge.

"My hero..." Beca whispers. Chloe has the kindest smile, Beca thinks to herself. It's amazing how a smile can change everything, especially from the right person. And it's so symmetrical. "Ok so I should change..." Beca blurts out, feeling uncomfortable, as if Chloe can hear her thoughts. Which she swears she can at times. It's a problem.

Normally, stripping off your shirt in front of another person would be a big no, but it's Chloe, and for some reason the normal rules go out the window. Beca peels off the soaked shirt and tosses it to the side. She adjusting the new shirt so she can put it on, when she catches Chloe's eyes on her and freezes. And butterflies seemed to have taken up residence in her stomach.

"What?" she finally says, breaking the awkward silence.

"Sorry...just...thinking," Chloe says.

"What about?" Beca asks, pulling her head through the shirt and down over her torso.

"You." Chloe says, matter-of-factly, as she looks up to meet Beca's eyes.

"Wh...what about me?"

Chloe takes Beca's hand in both of hers...Beca's mind and heart going a mile a minute, Chloe is eyeing her very curiously...and after what seems like hours, Chloe finally responds.

"Just...just that...oh forget it..."

"What?! You can't do that! Tell me...please" Beca pleads.

"Another time, ok?" Chloe says, and Beca knows not to push. Even though if roles were reversed, Chloe would push. And push. And squeeze it out of her. But Beca's a little frightened of what she's about to say, and she's not sure why. Okay maybe she's a little sure, but she's not ready to be sure.

"Wanna grab some coffee?"

"Yea sounds great! I'm definitely in need of some caffeine!"

Beca knows Chloe means nothing by it, but she can't help but feel guilty for interrupting Chloe's life with, once again, her own emotional short stick. She mumbles a pathetic "sorry," sighs and looks down, feeling ashamed of herself. Why can't she just get it together. Geez, life isn't this fucking hard. Why does she do this? Can't she just be happy? Just choose to do it, Beca. Everyone else seems to have no problem.

As if reading her thoughts, Chloe swoops to Beca's side, taking her face in both hands and looking into her eyes. She tries to hold it back, but a tear escapes, streaming down her cheek. Chloe wipes it away with her thumb. Beca turns her head and looks away, but Chloe jerks it back into place.

"Beca Mitchell, you do not need to apologize. Okay? Not to me, not about this."

Beca nods her heads in agreement. Chloe gives her a big sloppy kiss on the forehead, adding in a "muah!" for added effect. Beca can't help but laugh, because that's just Chloe. And she can't help but love these things about her either. Everything is just simpler with her friend. Lighter. The darkness subsides. For the most part. And it's that part that Beca clings to for dear life.

They walk to the Nik's, Chloe of course linking their arms along the way. The smell of coffee is warm and inviting. It's funny because Beca used to hate coffee...the taste, the smell. But that's all changed. It's weird how things change like that. How we can be so sure of something and then one day, we aren't so sure of that anymore. In fact, we might just think differently.

"Two coffees please, Inna!" Beca says as she sliding the money across the counter. "And throw the change in the tip jar!"

"Beca, we don't have a tip jar how many times do I have to tell you!" Inna hollers at them, smiling, as they both stroll away.

They take their coffees to a table in the corner, and just sit together for a moment. Enjoying the silent company, sipping their drinks. Chloe is tapping her foot against Beca's leg, absentmindedly, humming to herself. Beca wonders why Chloe likes her. Sure she isn't a mean or cruel person, so she's not terrible to be around. She accepts Chloe's friendship. But what does Chloe get out of it? What does she want from Beca, because she sure knows she doesn't have much to offer.

Chloe speaks first, bringing Beca out of her own head. "Do you ever wonder if any of it is worth it?"

"Well that's not cryptic at all. Care to elaborate?" she teases.

"I don't know...like any of it I guess."

"What...like life? college? _existence?," _she adds with a smirk, which is quickly wiped away, when Chloe doesn't answer, keeping her eyes trained on the table. "Where are you going with this?"

Chloe looks back up at Beca and she catches a look in her eye that she can only describe as sadness. But a confused sadness. Like a little kid who can't quite comprehend death, but knows they should feel sad, so they do. And Beca's heart aches. She reaches out to grab Chloe's hand, offering a reassuring smile. "Look, if none of this is worth it, then we wouldn't be here. You and me. Frankly, Chloe, if none of this is worth it, then YOU wouldn't be here. Because you aren't just some cosmic coincidence or happy accident or whatever you want to call it. I've never met anyone like you. You...you're...you're just so good. The way you see life, and the way you are, you...Chloe, _you_ are worth it. Whatever IT is. You're worth it."

"And you say you're not one for words. Well...that was a whole lot of words and they were perfect. You should speak up more often, Beca Mitchell."

"Yea well...must be the coffee."

"Oh yes...must be," Chloe teases.

Later at Bellas rehearsals, Beca notices Chloe being extra quiet and. She's holding back with her voice, and not being the team cheerleader she usually is. She just nods at whatever the hell Aubrey is hollering about, which is everything.

"Beca!"

"What?!" Beca snaps back at Aubrey, who isn't the person to snap at right now. "I mean...yes, Aubrey, what is it?" She promised Chloe she'd be more patient with Aubrey, and she may be a lot of things...and Aubrey is definitely a lot of things...but Beca isn't someone who breaks her promises.

Aubrey opens her mouth to yell at Beca, but upon the sudden change in Beca's tone, closes her mouth to also rethink her words.

The irritation is still there, but it feels less like it's just directed at Beca personally, and more just the effect of a tiring rehearsal and the stress of the competition.

"I said, do you have that last transition down? Between Eternal Flame and Turn The Beat Around? You looked a little _distracted_ and I really need you to NOT be distracted right now, okay? We're two shows away from Nationals, and I just really need everyone to be committed and present!" Aubrey looks around the room.

Everyone nods, looking tired, but keeping their game face on as to appease their captain.

"Maybe we could take a fiver, Aubrey?" Amy asks.

"Yeah," Stacie adds, "a break would be great...I just need to take a breath."

Beca notices Chloe being unusually silent. She keeps trying to catch her eye, but Chloe seems bent on looking anywhere but at Beca.

Aubrey tries to push them just a little longer, but the collective group decides a 5 minute break is needed and they all wander towards the bleachers, taking a seat, drinking some water, massaging their sore muscles.

"Listen..we just need to push, guys. Come on...Chloe, a little help here!" Aubrey notions to her best friend, but Chloe just stares blankly, clearly distracted. "Chloe! Hello, are you there? Great, just great. We are far from where we need to be with our performance and you've checked out. That's just great."

Chloe looks up at Aubrey with a pained expression on her face. "Bree, I'm sorry. I'm here. I promise. I just have, uh..something on my mind," she says quietly.

Aubrey, low on patience, snaps back. "Well can you get it _off_ your mind for a second and think about the team?"

"Hey lay off, Aubrey!" Cynthia Rose suddenly interjects. "I think we all just need a break. "We've been going non-stop since the beginning and, well frankly, you're making us all a little crazy! Just loosen the reins a bit, sister! We all want to win as much as you, but you yelling at us like this isn't helping anything."

Silence.

Not the good kind.

The kind before the storm.

Beca can tell Aubrey feels everything slipping away. And it's not. Beca knows how to fix it, but now is not the time to speak up on that matter, knowing the last opinion Aubrey wants to hear is hers.

Aubrey starts to fight back. "Don't tell me how to run my team! You ladies are nowhere near rea..."

"I have nodes!"

Chloe's hands are clapped over her mouth, eyes wide. Beca hears gasps from around the room and Aubrey is just staring at Chloe with her mouth wide open. It all seems very serious, but Beca has honestly no idea what the heck nodes are. So, she asks.

"Um...what are nodes?"

Aubrey scoffs at Beca's question, like she had just asked what puppies were or something.

"Okay well, just because you clearly know what's going on Aubrey, can you explain instead of staring at me like I'm an idiot."

Aubrey huffs, but at least including an explanation this time. She walks over to Chloe, putting an arm around her. You can see the sadness in Aubrey's eyes and she looks at Chloe, who just looks at the floor. Beca has never seen her so defeated. She just wants to run over and hug her until her these node things are gone, whatever they are. Chloe's hugs seem to heal her, so maybe she can return the favor for once. But Aubrey has picked up the comfort torch and giving her a reassuring squeeze. Beca's quite certain Aubrey would lose it if Beca tried to interfere right now. So she stays put.

"Nodes," Aubrey begins, "also known as vocal nodules...are the rubbing together of your vocal chords at an above average rate, without proper lubrication. They..." she pauses for dramatic effect which Beca would normally roll her eyes at but given Chloe's inexpressive face, she decides not to, Aubrey continues, "well, quite frankly, they sit on your windpipe and _crush your dreams!_

"Yea I've heard they are really painful. Sorry Chlo, tough break," Cynthia Rose says sympathetically.

Beca just stares. She doesn't really know what to do. Everyone moves in giving Chloe their sympathy. She and the redhead keep catching each other's eyes. But she doesn't just want to give her a repeat, stock apology... _I'm so sorry, Chole, what can we do for you, etc, etc..._

Aubrey decides to end practice upon Chloe's revelation, much to her chagrin, but the team is pleased. Everyone tiredly grabs their stuff and leaves.

Beca lingers.

"You coming?" Aubrey asks Chloe, swinging her bag around her shoulder.

"No..I, uh...," the redhead stammers, eyeing Beca. Aubrey understands, purses her lips, gives a last second glare at Beca, and leaves.

They just kind of stand there, across the room from each other, in silence. Beca wants to move, but she can't . Something is holding her back. She doesn't know how to react to Chloe, when she's just being so..._not_ Chloe. She starts with babysteps. Literally. She inches her way over to Chloe, until she's right in front of her. Chloe just stares at the floor. It's Beca who lifts her chin up so they meet eye to eye.

"Hey" is all Beca manages to get out before Chloe's wrapped around her, sobbing, Beca taking on most of her weight. She stumbles back for a moment, but regains her balance quickly and closes the hug, just letting Chloe cry, her sobs echoing around them. Beca strokes Chloe's head, trying to soothe her. She doesn't say anything, because if she knows anything, it's the power of NOT saying something. Not that it's gotten her that far in life, but she at least knows when it does help. And right now she knows words can't fix Chloe. But holding her tight enough just might do it. Chloe's hug is so warm. Like being home. Not a home she recognizes, but a home she can imagine. The sobs lessen, and turn into short gasps of breath, until they even out and she's breathing smoothly. Beca waits until Chloe breaks the hug,, wiping her eyes and face as she pulls away, looking up into Beca's eyes. This time it's Beca wiping away a tear from Chloe's face with her thumb.

"I'm sorry - I'm such a mess. I've just been holding this in for a while...," Chloe says, still sniffling a little.

Beca just searches Chloe's eyes for a moment. "Do these nodes have anything to do with all that 'is it worth it' talk from earlier today?"

Chloe sniffs, wiping her eyes, looking away. "Yea...maybe...I don't know...it's just," pausing in thought for a second while she hops up to sit the edge of the stage. "singing has been everything to me. I felt like it made me, me. I could always count on it...it was one thing I always knew I was good at. Singing brought me joy, it brought me Aubrey, the Bellas...you," looking into Beca's eyes on that last word.

Beca joins Chloe on the stage. She doesn't say anything for a moment, but eventually turns to Chloe, a small grin spreading across her face.

"What?"

"Nothing," Beca laughs. "It's just...and remember I LOVE when you sing...but, you're so much more than that. You're patient, you're kind, you make me laugh, you know how to make anyone feel welcome, and comfortable in their own skin...and let's just talk about how comfortable you are in your own damn skin. I'm just sayin..._I like the way you work it..._"

"Go on," Chloe says, giggling.

"Okay well, you have the most infectious smile and laugh. You draw others in the way I repel them. Well except you...I can't seem to get rid of you, it's kind of a problem. You really can't take a hint. I'm kidding! Listen...you're great and you're always going to be great. No matter what these nodes do to you...and I have a feeling you're going to come out of this alright." Beca stares at the floor, her tone a little more serious now. "Because...I've never met anyone as strong as you. It's really amazing...the way you go through life...with this attitude like you can do anything. Like life is this great adventure and each person you meet is just a part of that. The way you let people see you, all of you, in all your human-ness...unashamed of who you are. It's really...something. I...and I'll deny this if anyone else asks...but I'm really jealous of that. I wish I could be an open book like you. Free. But with the things I've been through...it was just easier to put the walls up, close myself off, be unapproachable, telling myself and others that I like it. I like being on my own. No risk. No heartache. Even though deep down I was begging for someone to not give a shit about my dumb walls and care enough to just bulldoze them down. Because I don't think I'm strong enough to do it on my own. And then you came along and," looking up at Chloe now whose eyes were filled with tears which wasn't helping but she kept on, needing to get this out, "and...," she was tearing up herself now, her voice getting a little shaky, "and you didn't give a shit about my walls. You cared enough about me to just open the door and waltz right into my life without knocking...because that's who you are Chloe Beale...you're the real deal. And I didn't mean for that to rhyme," she chuckles softly. "But for real, I just want to thank you for that. I know I'm still a work in progress...but if you stick with me, I'll get there," she finally finishes with sigh that might sound like exhaustion, but she feels lighter. Like saying the words out loud broke some of those chains she feels bound by everyday.

"Sorry I didn't mean for that to become all about me," she adds, feeling a tinge of embarrassment.

Chloe seems speechless which, like, never happens. She's just looking at Beca. "Will you say something please?" Beca pleads, feeling a tightening in her chest and a familiar guilt over feeling too much and letting it out. Maybe she shouldn't have said any of that. She probably sounded like some obsessive, weirdo, head case. All the doubts were filling her head back up, making her hazy, making her retreat back into herself. She turns back to Chloe to say something, anything, to save face, make this weird silence go away...when suddenly Chloe's lips are on hers. It takes a moment to take in what is happening and it seems all too much so she pushes Chloe away, but keeps a hand gripped on each of the redhead's shoulders, her gaze downward, not being able to meet Chloe's eyes right away, her own going back and forth at at alarming rate. Her heart is beating so hard, she thinks it might just wear out from pure exhaustion...because hearts aren't made to beat that fast. She's not made to feel this much. At least that's what she thought. Her mind is going a mile a minute, trying to process what just happened. Chloe is silent, and Beca can feel her searching eyes on her. Chloe grabs Beca's hands and starts to take them off her shoulders, but Beca snaps her head up and keeps a firm grip.

"I'm sorry, I just...," Chloe begins, tears welling back up in her eyes, but Beca stops her words, placing two fingers on her lips, while bringing her gaze to them as well. Her thumb comes up to caress the redhead's lower lip, as if there's an answer she's been looking for in the soft, pink flesh. Beca looks back up into Chloe's eyes, a clarity in her mind that she's never experienced before. Chloe looks back at her, eyes wide, mouth open in a kind of a stunned silence, trying to find the words, but Beca doesn't need any words from her right now. Beca just needs to finish what Chloe started, leaning into her and bringing their lips together again. Chloe lets out a sound of surprise when their lips meet, but melts into it...breathing Beca in. It feels so good, so impossibly good. Beca opens herself up more to Chloe, letting the redhead explore her mouth as she does back, their arms wrapping around each other. Chloe grabs Beca at the waist and pulls her closer, each kiss becoming more heated than the last. Beca knows it's weird, but she opens her eyes because she needs to see what's happening. She stops kissing back, lost in thought, and Chloe's eyes blink open, staring directly into Beca's, and pulls back, startled that her eyes were open

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just kind of in shock at what's happening right now. You know you're kissing _me_ right?"

"Hmm lemme think," Chloe says sarcastically, tapping her index finger on her lips, "You're Beca Mitchell? Member of the Barden Bellas? Daughter of Dr. Mitchell, professor of Comparative Literature? Kick-ass music producer and DJ? Closet cuddler? Shall I go on?"

"Okay, okay I got it. Smart ass," Beca says with a smirk. "And I'm not a cuddler."

Chloe wraps her arms back around Beca's neck. "Yes you ARE a cuddler and yes, I am completely aware that it is YOU I am kissing. And I'm sorry if it's weird for you. It's just that, ever since I met you, I felt this connection to you. I could see past the tough exterior you put up, and the more I got to know you, the more beautiful you were to me. Hearing your voice in the shower that day was like...fate! I don't even know if I believe in fate. But you just drew me in, and I had to go for it. I like being around you. You make me happy. Everyday _does _feel like a new adventure with you because you're constantly surprising me, every time you open up. And I love watching you mix. I know you think I'm doing homework and not paying attention, but Beca...I've been paying attention. The way you're face gets all serious when you're working is so cute, and then the way it lights up when you get something to work is amazing. I like that you're mysterious, that you don't show all your cards. You don't bullshit. So _you_, in fact, are also the real deal, Beca Mitchell. And I didn't know what was going to happen when I kissed you. Honestly I was ready for anything, good or bad. I knew there was a big risk kissing you like that, and that's honestly what kept me from doing it sooner," Chloe admits, blushing a little bit and Beca can't deny the heat in her cheeks at that moment as well. "But hearing you say all those things to me just...I don't know, it awakened something in me and I just _had_ to go for it! And I think it's safe to say it was worth the risk?"

"It definitely was," Beca whispers. She leans in to kiss the redhead again, their lips partnering perfectly together. It feels so good, to hold Chloe, to kiss her - and to have Chloe hold and kiss her back. She is experiencing something she never has before, it's kind of like an out of body experience. Her body is moving faster than her head, which is freaking out. Chloe slips her hands up the back of Beca's shirt resting on her lower back, pulling her in closer. Their kisses are slow, deep, and passionate. Chloe leans her back, positioning her knees on either side of Beca. Chloe slides her hands up Beca's stomach, and she flinches at the more intimate contact.

"Wait...Chloe st-." Beca breathes out, getting cut off on that last word because Chloe grinded her hips down on her, capturing her lips again.

"What's wrong?" Chloe asks breathlessly, kissing back down Beca's neck, her hands moving further north, hips doing a slow dance on top of her.

She lets out moan, trying to form a coherent word, but her brain is out of breath trying to catch up to her body. It's when Chloe's lips get to the little dip between Beca's breasts, her hands pushing Beca's shirt up, that her mind closes the gap.

"S-stop!" Beca shouts, almost as much to herself as to Chloe.

Chloe immediately pulls back, rolling off Beca upon seeing her panicked face. Beca covers her face with her hands. Chloe stays silent, waiting for Beca to initiate. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." she mumbles out from underneath her hands.

"What happened?"

"It was just happening too fast. My body was reacting before my head was, but then my head caught up and I just got overwhelmed. Can we just...slow down?" she asks, sitting back back up. She's taking slow and steady breaths to calm herself down, as she just realized she's shaking, well more like shivering. That's what it feels like. Like a cold shiver she can't shake.

Chloe puts her hands on each side of Beca's arms, trying to steady her. "It's okay, Beca...just take a deep breath, okay?"

Beca nods, taking a deep breath in and slowly exhaling. She closes her eyes, feeling for Chloe's hands on her shoulders and taking them in her own hands. After a few moments, Beca looks up at Chloe.

"Better?" Chloe asks.

"Mmhmm," Beca says, managing a weak smile. "I'm s-"

"Do not finish that sentence." Chloe demands. "Not to me, not about this...okay?"

"Okay."

"Want me to walk you back to your room?" Chloe offers.

"Yeah, that'd be great."

/

"Jesse, what would you do if you couldn't sing?" Beca asks, unable to concentrate anymore. The two are sitting in the quad, working on homework.

"I don't know, Bec...find another hobby I guess," Jesse answers, his eyes still focused on his music theory textbook.

"Yea but singing isn't just hobby to you. You really love it, right?"

"Mmhmm, yeah, of course." he answers, still not totally focusing on the conversation.

"Ok, so, what if...you went blind and couldn't watch movies anymore?"

"That's a big what-if. I try not to waste my time pondering depressing hypotheticals."

Beca doesn't respond, and Jesse looks up in response to her silence. "Is this a general hypothetical, or...?

"General," Beca answers. Jesse gives her a look because he clearly knows she lying. Why is she so easy to figure out sometimes? Her emotions haven't been in check as of late, that's why. Chloe's boundaryless friendship has made her sloppy. "General", she confirms, looking Jesse in the eye in order to convince him more. "I was just thinking that...we have these things in life that we hold on to so dear and things we put everything into, but they can be taken away from us just like that. It's just...sad."

"Well that's depressing," Jesse says bluntly. Beca rolls her eyes at him and huffs. "Here I was enjoying this beautiful day and your company, and I knew something was missing. A big 'ol dose of dream-crushing reality!"

"If you're just going to attack me when I'm trying to have a serious discussion, I can go!" Beca yells at him a little too loud, as she begins to angrily pack her things up.

Jesse puts his hands on top of hers, trying to stop her.

"Wait, I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything by it. Don't go, I'm sorry...okay?"

Beca stops, looking down at the ground. She drops her things and sighs, feeling a little ashamed of herself for snapping at Jesse.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I've just been a little on edge lately I guess."

Jesse studies her face for a moment. "You know what, Music Theory can wait. Let's talk. You've clearly got something on your mind. I'm all ears."

Beca smiles at him, but unsure if she really wants to get into it. She decides to confide in her friend, well sort of. She'll keep it general, play it safe. "Well I have this friend who found out she has this medical issue that could ruin any chances of doing the thing she loves, in the future. I mean it's not a definite possibility, but it's still one, and I just think it really sucks that something like that could happen to someone so amazing. I mean what did she ever do to deserve this fate, ya know? This talent she has brings good to the world, to the people around her. I mean, what does it mean? It has to mean something. Things don't just happen for no reason...right?"

"Um...well," Jesse begins, but Beca cuts him off.

"It's just that...what IS the point of caring about things if they're just going to probably be ripped away from you, ya know?"

"Are you done now?" Jesse asks.

"Yes."

"Ok. Well...I think that there IS a rhyme or reason for why things happen. If there wasn't, life wouldn't be this complicated," he adds with a laugh, making Beca chuckle too. "I'm sorry to hear about your friend. But questioning the why doesn't really get us anywhere does it? I think what you have to focus on is how to move forward. How to make the best out of what may or may not happen. And know that we're all more than just ONE thing in life, so if something is taken away from us, we're not empty or worthless or whatever, we just have to maybe dig a little deeper into ourselves to find out who else we are."

Beca just stares at him, in stunned silence.

"Wow, Jesse. That was really...insightful!"

"Don't mock me."

"I'm not!" Beca says defending herself. "I'm sorry, I really meant that sincerely. I think I've just become so good at laying the sarcasm on thick that it's hard to turn off, even when I want to. For real, that was deep. I should come to you more often for advice," she says with a smile.

"Yeah well, I'm full of more than just interesting movie trivia ya know."

"You should let other people tell you it's interesting."

/

Beca hasn't been able to see Chloe since they kissed. It happened only two nights ago. And it's not that she hasn't wanted to, but with her classes and the station, she just hasn't had a chance. Aubrey gave the team a couple days after Chloe's node revelation to rest, but they'd be back in full swing tomorrow night and she promised they'd hit it "aca-double time," whatever that means. They text of course, but Beca would like to actually see Chloe, just to make sure the other night actually happened and wasn't just some figment of her imagination. She's out of her medication, but she's goes to bed tonight feeling good, her thoughts drifting to Chloe, so she doesn't worry about it too much.

_Who are you kidding? This isn't going to work. This is wrong. You can't be with her. The fact that you're no good is just the beginning of what's wrong with this picture. Get a grip, Beca. You're mine. End it now._

Beca jolts awake, shirt soaked through, panting like she just ran a marathon, tears threatening to spill freely. She's angry that she can't get a grip on these nightmares, but the anger she feels doesn't make what she heard any less convincing, and what's worse is that she necessarily doesn't disagree. Who the hell is she kidding anyway? She glances at the clock, groaning that she only got about 3 hours of sleep so far.

She runs into Chloe later, but between the lack of sleep and the constant debate she can't shake out of her head, she doesn't even see the redhead approaching her and Chloe has to basically jump in front of Beca to get her to stop.

"Hey!" Chloe chirps, leaning in to give Beca a kiss on the cheek, but Beca stumbles back, dropping the stuff she was carrying.

"Whoa, you okay?" Chloe asks, bending down to pick up the dropped items, but Beca gets there first hastily grabbing them off the ground.

"Just fine," she replies flatly, choking down the tears, trying not to raise suspicion, but failing as it's taking her far too long to gather up a notebook and a textbook from the ground because she's frantically grabbing at them. Chloe meets her at her level, grabbing Beca's hands to stop her.

"Beca, just stop! What's wrong?"

Beca pulls her hands away and manages to get a hold of her things, standing up, not meeting Chloe's eyes as she stands back up as well. They stand in silence for moment, and Chloe makes the first move, reaching her hand out under Beca's chin to lift her head up.

"Hey are you -" Chloe begins.

"I'm fine, Chloe! I don't need your help, just leave me alone, okay?!" Beca snarls.

She's already feeling ashamed of herself and can see the hurt in Chloe's eyes, but walks away anyway, not looking back. Chloe doesn't deserve to suffer because of her issues. She should go back and apologize. But it's probably for the best to just cut the ties now. Cut them before it's too late and someone ends up broken hearted. Being alone isn't so bad.

She texts Ronnie, exchanging the other half of the money from her dad for what she needs. They make their transaction quickly, and part ways.

Beca gets a few texts from Chloe, but doesn't respond, trying not to fall off the wagon, so to speak. Although she probably shouldn't compare her feelings for Chloe to a drug problem, she deserves more than that, but if she's really going to stick to her guns on this one, maybe extreme comparisons are in order.

Beca goes over the texts Chloe's sent, willing herself not to respond, not that going over them is helping in any way.

_I'm not mad. Please just talk to me._  
_Did something happen?_  
_You're coming to rehearsal right?_  
_Okay you're starting to scare me, will you please answer me?_  
_If you want, I'll skip it with you and we can talk - please just don't shut me out._

Wow, Chloe is willing to risk, although let's be honest it's really more of a 100% chance, of Aubrey losing her aca-mind if they skipped. She doesn't want to add that to the list of things to feel guilty about, so she decides to respond.

_Don't skip. I'll be there._

_ Ok good. See you soon xo_

Luckily, Aubrey is going full force at them so there's not even any time for Chloe to confront her...and she can feel Chloe stealing glances at her, trying to catch her eye. Since Beca is super focusing on the routine to keep her mind off everything else, she's been able to keep Aubrey off her back.

Once their ending "1-2-aahh" is done, she manages to slip out unnoticed. She's walking, quicker than usual, across campus to the radio station, her sweatshirt hood pulled over her head.

She's thankful she's pulling the late shift sans Jesse, because she really doesn't feel like talking and luckily Luke isn't chatty. He just motions to the crate of records that need to be sorted, and Beca gets to work. Around 1 am Luke leaves, telling Beca to leave as well. Sorting and stacking records never takes long which is nice because she can just work on some mixes before her shift ends.

"I will in a bit, just finishing something up," she says. "Oh and hey...any word on who's gonna fill this empty spot?"

"Yea I got someone in mind," he replies with a smile. "See ya later, Beca."

"Yeah, see ya," Beca says, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth as Luke walks out the door.

/

Beca jolts awake, wincing because she's fallen asleep at the desk at the station, and not in a comfortable position. Her vision goes blurry from sitting up too fast, and she has to close her eyes quickly so the lightheadedness goes away. She looks up at the clock to see what time it is...

"Ahh!" Beca shouts, as she realizes there's someone sitting across from her, also asleep, and that person is Chloe, who jumps up, startled from Beca's shout, almost falling out of her chair.

"Geez, Chloe," Beca says, holding her hand. against her chest, catching her breath. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Chloe takes a moment to regain her composure from being scared as well. "Well I knew you had the late shift tonight, and since you're avoiding me like the plague, I figured I'd corner you here, since there's only one exit. So why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not." Beca lies, avoiding eye contact.

"Bullshit, Beca! You say all these things to me the other night and I say all these things to you and then," she pauses for a moment, sighing, "and then we kiss, and it just felt so, right, and then now it's like...night and day with you. You yell at me, run away, and avoid me at practice. I care about you Beca. Will you please tell me what's going on with you?" Chloe reaches across to grab Beca's hand, and she lets her. She can at least give her that, for now.

Beca doesn't say anything, and neither does Chloe. She can feel the tears well up but refuses to let them get the best of her. She sniffs them back, hastily wipes her eyes, and stands up, letting her hand fall out of Chloe's, grabs her stuff and with a curt, "I gotta go," she's out the door.

But she doesn't get far. The tears are overpowering her and she doubles over, falling to her knees, trying to not give in. But she's tired, just so tired of fighting. Beca feels Chloe's presence in front of her, wrapping those strong arms around her, and the sobs come. Just as they did for Chloe the other night. They're deep, and they hurt coming out, her whole body shaking.

"I can't do this, Chloe," she gets out between sobs. "I can't be who you want or need me to be!"

"And who do you think I need you to be?"

"I don't know...someone good...good enough for you."

"And what's good enough for me?" Chloe asks, grabbing Beca's face forcing their eyes to meet. "I mean since you know."

"Not me!" Beca shouts, pulling away from Chloe and standing up. "I don't have a list for you but I know what's NOT on that list, me!"

Chloe hangs her head and sighs, rubbing her hands down the top of her thighs. She looks back up at Beca, and pushes herself up so she's standing.

Beca's back is to Chloe, arms crossed. Chloe comes up behind her, wrapping her arms around Beca's waist, and resting her chin on her shoulder.

"You think you want me, to know me, invest in me, but you don't know what you're asking for. I'll mess it up. I'll mess you up...somehow. I'm better on my own. I've been doing it for awhile. You should just walk away now," Beca says, the defeat in her voice thick.

"Do you want to know what I think? I think you just need to give yourself a chance to be happy and not question every single thing in life that's good to you, and not treat everything like it's going to fall apart."

"Yea well, for me pretty much everything does. The odds haven't ever been my favor."

Chloe spins Beca around so they are facing each other. "Not everything, Beca. Some things stick. And you just need to have a little faith. Because me and you...there's something there worth fighting for. I think you're worth fighting for...even if what I'm fighting is YOU. I will fight you, for you. Because I'm not going to just stand around and let you drop out. And I'm sorry if you don't like that, but that's just who I am. And we can take this thing slow, whatever this is between us. I can be patient because you're worth the patience. I just like being with you. You make me happy, and I want to make you happy. So...that's what I think. Now what do you think?"

Beca hates this question. She always feels put on the spot, and she can never gather the right words fast enough so she either looks like an idiot as she stays silent, internally processing, or she just spits out some words to appease the other person with a response.

"I don't know what I think," she answers honestly.

"Well, how about we start with you not running away from me. How about we start with you trusting me, and trusting yourself. How about that?"

"I don't know...I can try I guess, but Chloe -"

"A try is all I need," Chloe says, stopping her words and pulling Beca into a hug.

"I'm exhausted, do you..um... think I could stay at your place tonight?" Beca asks.

"Definitely. Of course you know this means there will be cuddling."

"Well of course," Beca replies rolling her eyes.

Chloe picks up Beca's bag and throws it over her shoulder. "Ready?" she asks.

Beca takes a deep breath and grabs Chloe's hand, weaving their fingers together and looking up into those bright blue eyes. "I guess," she says, exhaling heavily.

/

"What's Aubrey going to think?" Beca asks, as Chloe unlocks the door to her apartment.

"Maybe we should just keep this between us for the time-being. She's just on edge, much more than usual lately, and since you're not exactly her favorite person in the world..."

"I'm not?!" Beca says, sarcastically. "I'm shocked." Chloe turns around to face Beca, rolling her eyes, after she locks the door.

"Sorry to break it to ya. I mean it really is surprising, considering how you're alway supporting her and definitely not defying everything she says."

Chloe leads Beca to her room, flipping the light on, and closing the door behind them. They both throw their things down, collapsing on the bed simultaneously, laying in silence for a bit.

Beca finally breaks the silence, when she starts laughing. Chloe looks over at her, laughing along.

"What's so funny?"

"I was just thinking about Aubrey's face if she walked in right now. Honestly, I think that just might be the thing that keeps me from running away when I get scared of this whole thing."

"You really know how to make a girl feel special, Beca. I mean of course it wouldn't be because I'm so amazing and awesome and because I care about you and would do anything for you." Chloe says.

"Yea those things are nice and all...buuuut I think I'm going to go with Aubrey's infuriated-on-the-verge-of-blowing-chunks face," Beca says, nodding in agreement with herself.

Chloe rolls over so she's on top of Beca. "Are you SURE there isn't any other reason?"

"Hmm, no I don't think so," Beca teases.

Chloe leans down capturing Beca's lips with her own. After a moment, Chloe pulls away slightly, a smirk on her lips. "Now, I'm going to ask you again, -" but before she can finish that the door is flinging open, and Aubrey is charging in the room.

"Chloe there you are geez I've been waiting for you to get home so - OHMYGOD!" Aubrey spins around so fast, she smacks her face right into the door, stumbling backwards onto the bed.

Beca busts up laughing, as Chloe moves to check out the damage to Aubrey's face.

"I take it back, Chloe, I have another reason." she says rolling back in laughter.

Chloe looks back at her, holding in the laughter and shaking her head at Beca, before turning back to Aubrey.

"Aubrey, are you okay?"

"Ugh, yes, I'm fine. What the hell, Chloe?! Her, really?!" Aubrey says, tenderly touching the spot that got the brunt of the impact.

"Um, I'm right here." Beca says, her laughter subsiding.

"I'm aware." Aubrey snaps back.

"I'm sorry it just kind of happened," Chloe says. "Can we talk about this later though? Are you sure you're okay, how are you feeling"

"Appalled."

"Ha-Ha." Beca says from behind Chloe.

Chloe helps Aubrey stand up, making sure she's not going to fall over after hitting her head. Aubrey walks to the door, turning back towards Beca and Chloe, before leaving. "This," she says motioning to each of the girls, "is not a good idea."

"I'll take Things Aubrey Doesn't Have A Say In for 600, Alex," Beca retorts, still laying down on the other side of Chloe, who gives Beca a _you're not helping_ look.

Aubrey glares at Beca. "Listen alt-girl, just because Chloe sees something in you and likes you doesn't mean I do. I know about your little deal with your dad," Beca sits up at this revelation giving Chloe an angry look, "so it looks like you need the Bellas a little more than you let on, so I'd watch it if I were you. I can make it work without you if I need to. You're only on the team because of Chloe."

"Aubrey, stop!" Chloe says before turning to Beca, but doesn't get an explanation out, because Beca is already jumping off the bed, grabbing her bag, hastily putting her shoes on.

"Beca...wait, please don't go..." Chloe begs.

"Save it, Chloe. I _knew...I knew_ this was a bad idea." She steps towards the door, which Aubrey is still blocking. "Oh by all means, keep standing there." Aubrey holds her position for a second, glaring at Beca who glares right back. Beca can feel the tears, but she's too angry to let them get the best of her. Aubrey finally steps aside and she stomps out, making sure the door slams so Chloe can hear it.

She feels so stupid. Stupid for letting her dad talk her into coming to Barden, stupid for feeling like she actually belonged in the Bellas, stupid for kissing Chloe, stupid for trusting Chloe. Kimmy Jin is fast asleep when Beca returns. She flops down on her bed, throwing her headphones on, cranking the volume up, drowning out her thoughts. It doesn't help that her Titanium mix is the first song to come on. Next. Oh great another mix she made about Chloe. Next. Another Chloe mix. Seriously, what playlist is this? She checks her iPod to see, but it's not on any one in particular. It's just the universe being an asshole. She tears her headphones off, sitting up. She has class in like 4 hours, she really should sleep, but uninterrupted sleep is probably not going to happen. She groans loudly in frustration.

"Beca, shut up," Kimmy Jin mumbles.

Before she knows it, she's out the door, no clear destination in mind. She's walking out of her dorm room building when she runs right into Chloe.

"Geez, can't you just leave me alone for a second?" she snaps. "I just need some space, to get my head together," she adds, pushing herself pass Chloe, who grabs Beca's arm trying to stop her from walking away.

"Wait, please, can you give me a chance to explain?" she pleads.

"I don't need an explanation, Chloe." Beca says, turning around to face her. "It doesn't change anything. Aubrey's right, this isn't a good idea, me and you."

"You don't mean that," Chloe says.

"I mean who are we kidding, Chloe?" Beca says, raising her voice a little more. "We are complete opposites. You're good, I'm not. I'm better on my own. I was right earlier tonight, and I shouldn't have let you talk me into thinking differently. And I'm going to make all of this easier and just go to LA now, with our without my dad's help."

That last statement seems to have an affect on Chloe, as tears well up in her eyes and she stares at Beca in disbelief. "You can't just leave like that! You can't do that to me. Beca, I...I think I'm - "

She is certainly not about to say what she thinks Chloe is about to say and she is certainly not ready to hear those words come out of her mouth.

"No no no!" Beca says cutting Chloe off, and backing away. "No! Do not finish that sentence, Chloe. You don't know what you are saying."

"I do know, Beca! I..."

Beca's eyes widen. She can't hear this right now. And Chloe is going to say it whether Beca wants to hear it or not. And since she can't stop her from saying it without physically restraining her, and that doesn't seem like a good idea, she does the next best thing. She turns around, and runs.

Chloe yells after her. "What the hell are you doing? Get back here!"

She puts her hands over her ears, still running, and yells back, "I can't hear you, lalalalalalala!"

Chloe is now chasing after her "You're being ridiculous! I can't believe you are literally running away from me! You're being a big baby you know that!"

"Maybe that's just who I am! You don't want to be with a big baby! Just stay away!" Beca yells back.

"NO! Stop running, Beca!"

They're running in ridiculous zig zags through campus, Beca trying to weave around benches and trees in order to trip Chloe up. Unfortunately, Chloe is faster than Beca and catches up to her soon enough. She anticipates Beca's weave around a tree, going around the other way. Beca looks back to see where she is, seeing nothing, turning her head back around only to find Chloe right in front of her.

"Oomph!" Chloe crashes right into Beca, tackling her to the ground. It's just a flurry of red and brown hair, arms and legs flailing about. Chloe is also, unfortunately, much stronger than Beca, easily pinning her to the ground. Beca struggles underneath the weight of Chloe, whose knees are on either side of Beca's waist, her hands pinning Beca's down. Beca keeps trying to get free but it's no use. She finally resigns, laying still, looking up but not at Chloe, both of them panting hard.

"Are you," Chloe begins, still trying to catch her breath, "ready to listen to me, now?"

"Well my options seem pretty slim at the moment, so by all means share what's on your mind Chloe." Beca retorts, finally meeting the other woman's eyes. Chloe studies her for a moment, narrowing her eyes and biting her lip.

"I'm not going to force you to listen to me, you know," Chloe says, letting go of Beca's arms and leaning back, folding her own against her body.

"Wow could have fooled me. I'm pretty sure most people would call tackling someone to the ground and pinning them down, forceful."

"Ok you know what, I AM going to force you to listen to me." She grabs ahold of Beca's arms again, holding them in place. "And I don't care if what I'm about to say freaks you out, because it's how I feel and I am the kind of person that says what I am feeling. And I think you need to hear it. I'm sorry you're mad at me for telling Aubrey about your dad and the LA thing, but it wasn't for the reason you think. I did it for you. She wasn't going to let you in the Bellas, even after I said I had heard you singing and invited you to audition. She didn't care what you sounded like because of how how you looked. But that day we got coffee, between the shower and auditions, you mentioned how you didn't even want to be here, and going to LA, and the deal with your dad. You and Aubrey have more in common than you think, you know. She's got daddy issues too, so...I appealed to that delicate side of her, saying you needed something to join so you could follow your dreams to LA and make your dad happy. I know Aubrey can be a total bitch, but she's a real good person deep down, underneath that achieve at all costs person, and for whatever reason, me telling her that stuff was enough to convince her to give you a chance. I wasn't gossiping about you or just sharing details of your life for the hell of it. And I'm really sorry Beca if you feel I betrayed your trust. My intentions were not to do that...I just needed you to join the Bellas. You make us better! And I needed you to be apart of my life. Because I've never met anyone like you. You took me by complete surprise. But when I think about not having you in my life, it kills me. It kills me, Beca. And it kills me because...," Chloe finally pauses, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, then looking back down at Beca whose eyes were wide in both fear and expectancy. Chloe was right, she was not ready to hear what was about to come out of Chloe's mouth, but she definitely wasn't in a position to run away again, so she braced herself. "...because, I think I'm falling in love with you! As a matter of fact, I AM falling in love with you!"

Whoomp, there it is.

"Chloe, I..."

"Listen - you don't have to say it back. I am really not expecting you to, but I just needed to say it to you...because I needed you to know. Because if something happened to you or me or us before I got to say it, I couldn't live with that. I hate when things are left unsaid. So...now, you know," Chloe says, keeping her grasp on Beca arms staring into Beca's eyes.

Beca knows this is when one would say "I love you" back, but she can't say those words right now. She's never been in love before. She's never had someone love her the way Chloe seems to. This is uncharted territory and she really wishes someone would just give her a damn map with a dotted red line. As she gazes back into those impossibly blue eyes, she searches for the words, but they don't come. They're stuck in her throat, jumbled up. Something's gotta give though.

"I'm sorry I can't say that back to you right now. I wish I could, but I don't want to say empty words to you. I want to mean it, because you deserve that. I, uh...I'm still not sure what the hell you see in me but, " Beca swallows hard, unsure if she wants to commit to what she's about to say, but the words are coming out before she can decide otherwise, "I promise that I'll really try to be better at accepting your love and figuring out what this all means. I promise to really trust you when you tell me you care about me, when you tell me you love me, and I promise to not run away, metaphorically, or literally, "she adds with a chuckle, Chloe giggling as well, "when things start to overwhelm me. What do you say? Is that ok?"

"Oomph!" Beca is back to be flat on her back, this time with Chloe's arms wrapped around her in a vice-grip hug. "So does that mean you're okay with all that?" Beca gasps out, barely being able to breathe. Chloe releases her, pulling back so she can look at Beca.

"Yes, Beca...I'm okay with that. That's all I need - for you just give this a chance, and give me a chance to love you like nobody ever has." She leans down catching Beca in a kiss.

"Now will you consider letting me up now?" Beca asks when they've come up for air. "I lost feeling in my right leg like 10 minutes ago and I'm getting a lil concerned."

"Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry!" Chloe giggles, quickly getting off Beca and standing up. She offers Beca her hand and Beca staggers a little once she's on her feet, but Chloe steadies her. She grabs hold of Chloe's hands, intertwining their fingers, and looks up into those beautiful blue eyes.

"So, now what?" Beca asks.

Chloe ponders this for a while, and when she seems to settle on an answer, she grabs Beca's face in both her hands, a grin spreading across her mouth, and says, "Breakfast."


	4. Chapter 4

Beca is sitting in her Intro to Philosophy class, bored out of her mind. Professor Boyd is blabbing on about something, posing important philosophical questions that nobody cares about. Beca is instead thinking about anything else she can. Chloe. The Bellas. The latest mix she's working on. Chloe. What it would be like to be able to breathe underwater like a fish. Meeting David Guetta. DJing a big New Years Eve bash in LA. Chloe. Ms. Mitchell. Wait, what?

"Ms. Mitchell!"

Beca snaps out of her head, realizing the professor is calling her name.

"Hmm?" she replies.

"Ah, welcome back." A few people in the class giggle. _Assholes, like none of you have ever daydreamed in class before_, Beca thinks.

"Sorry..." she mumbles. Professor Boyd walks up to her, looking down at her over the top of his glasses.

"I posed a question to the class, and was hoping for your opinion on the matter. Would you be so kind and share what you think?"

"Um, yea sure. Can you, uh, repeat the question please?"

"Not a problem. We were discussing the "dilemma of determinism," also known as free will. So, Ms. Mitchell...do you think our actions are controlled by a cause and effect-like chain of preceding events, OR do you think we are are truly free agents able to make decisions on our own, no matter what external influences or aforementioned precedents? Do we truly have free will in our own lives?

Beca thinks about this for a bit, probably too long as the silence in the lecture hall is getting real awkward. She laughs to herself thinking about a conversation with Fat Amy about being predisposed to pizza, and it wasn't her fault, she just couldn't help it, she didn't have a choice BUT to eat pizza.

"Something funny?" Professor Boyd asks.

"No...no, sorry...um...I, uh, think we that, yes, we mostly certainly have free will. I happen to find myself in a current situation which I would never choose for myself, or so I thought. So, is this happening to me because A and B happened in the past, so _C_ is just inevitable?" Beca smiles to herself at the irony, "I mean was C going to happen whether I liked it or not? And the reasons I am here, today, are because of a certain amount of chain events, some of my choosing and some the effects of others' choices. But free will is all about how we handle what happens to us, not about the happenings themselves. We absolutely have a choice, sometimes we don't like the choices placed in front of us, but maybe it's more about how we react to the choices, not the choices themselves. Our future isn't predetermined. We determine it. And that's free will. We're not just fate's bitch," she finishes confidently evoking some laughter and gasps from around the room from that last comment. "Sir," she quickly adds.

Her professor narrows his eyes at her, Beca can't fathom what he's thinking right now. And she doesn't get a chance to know, because she's speaking up again.

"Actually professor, I'm going to invoke my own free will right now and choose to leave class early," she says gathering her things and leaving.

"Ms. Mitchell...," he says, right as she gets to the door. Beca turns around, bracing herself for whatever he's about to say. She raises her eyebrows in anticipation. "Very thoughtful," he says, a smile creeping up the corner of his mouth. "You're father was right about you." Before she gets a chance to inquire, although it's best considering she's remembering they are in a class full of people, he's turning around, on to his next point. "For years, philosophers have..." she hears faintly as she walks out, a smug smile on her face.

It's only about 11:30, she's got 2 1/2 hours till her next class, she's picking up an extra shift at the station at 4, then Bellas practice at 7. what. to. do. She texts Chloe.

_Hey what are you doing?_

_homework...shouldn't you be in class for another 30 min?_

_you must have been a hall monitor in high school._

_ha ha. and I was thankyouverymuch. what's up?_

_I have some time to kill...can I come over?_

_as long as you have the correct pass, Ms. Mitchell._

_okay people need to cut it out with the Ms. Mitchell today_

_huh?_

_forget it...I'll be there in 5._

_kk_

Chloe answers the door, pulling Beca into a bone-crushing hug.

"Can't...breathe..."

"Oh, sorry. I just really like hugging you!"

"Lucky me. Is Aubrey here?" Beca asks, on their way to Chloe's room.

"Yes, what do you want?" Aubrey says, coming out of nowhere.

"Ah! Geez, Aubrey, you're like a ninja. I actually wanted to ask you something."

Aubrey raises an eyebrow, clearly suspicious of Beca's intentions. "Mmhmm, sure you do. Well spit it out, Mitchell."

Beca rolls her eyes, digging in her bag for the CD. She eventually digs the disc out and it only took 3 impatient huffs from Aubrey to find it. "Here," she says holding it out for Aubrey to take.

"What's this?" Aubrey asks, but Beca knows she's just playing dumb.

"You're a piece of work you know that?" she says rolling her eyes. "It's some mixes that I thought the Bellas could use at Regionals. Now before you list off all the reasons why my ideas are terrible," she says before Aubrey has a chance to say anything, her mouth open for rebuttal, "please, please Aubrey just _listen_ to them. I know you're all about tradition, but maybe we can make our own traditions. I want to win just as bad as you! I do care about the team you know, whether you believe that or not is up to you, but...please," she says adamantly, stepping closer to Aubrey, whose eyes widen at Beca's surge of boldness, "just _listen._ That's all I ask. Plus you were kind of a bitch to me the other day, so you kind of owe me. But if you truly don't like them, then I will never bring it up again, or argue with you, and I'll sing I Saw The Sign till the day I die."

Chloe's speechless and Aubrey just narrows her eyes at Beca.

"If I don't like them, you'll never bring it up again?"

"Ever."

"And you'll stop arguing with me and rolling your eyes at me during practice?"

"Yes..pretty sure that's what I just said" Beca says through gritted teeth. Geez, Aubrey's realllllly milking this.

"And you'll do 1 hour of extra choreography practice from now until I think you're up to speed."

"Ye-, Wait, what?"

"Yes, she will!" Chloe interjects.

"Whoa...There's no way I'm agr-" Beca starts to say, but Aubrey snatches the CD out of her hands, smirking at her.

"It's a deal, then." Aubrey says, turning on her heels, walking into her room, and closing the door.

Beca stands there, mouth open, hand out as if she is still clutching the CD.

"What just happened?"

"You've made a deal with the devil, babe. But don't worry, it'll be worth it," Chloe says with a wink.

Beca looks up at Chloe, not amused. "Um, my deal was going just fine, until you decided to lend a hand."

"Oh shush, she's going to love the mixes, Beca!" Chloe says excitedly, leading Beca into her room. She gently pushes Beca down on the bed, who's still in a state of shock at how that conversation ended. Chloe sits next to her, putting a finger underneath her chin, bringing her head up so their eyes meet, breaking Beca's daze.

"And if she doesn't...well, I guess we'll be spending some late nights together getting that _choreography_ down," Chloe says softly into Beca's ear, before kissing her just under her earlobe, sending shivers down Beca's spine. And there's definitely something mischievous about the way she said choreography. But Beca can't think about anything right now, because Chloe is kissing up the side of her face, and now bringing their lips together. Chloe's hand slides around Beca's neck, grabbing the back of it, pulling her in more, the other wrapping around Beca's waist. Then Chloe turns her body to face Beca, swinging her leg around so that she's straddling her. Her hips start moving back and forth on top of Beca's lap, making Beca moan into Chloe's mouth, who smiles against her, clearly enjoying the way she's making Beca feel.

"Are you OK?," Chloe breathes out.

"Uh huh," is all Beca manages as a response, because the way Chloe's moving her hips on top of her is all she can focus on right now. They're kissing is slow and deliberate. Her mind is so fuzzy. Physically this feels so good, but her head is like 5 miles behind, and she knows she not ready to take this any further, so it's now or never with putting the brakes on.

"Wait, wait..can we, uh, p-pause?" She barely gets the words out.

Chloe stops kissing her, moving her mouth to Beca's ear and whispering "Whatever you need." She pulls back, giving Beca a smile and standing up. Beca takes a breath, composing herself. Chloe walks over to her dresser, grabbing some lip gloss to put on. She glances back at Beca from the mirror she's looking in. "You know," she says before applying her top lip with the strawberry gloss Beca loves, "you're a _really _good kisser...has anyone ever told you that?"

Beca knows her face is probably bright pink, and it's confirmed by the giggle-fit Chloe bursts into, turning around after finishing her lip gloss application. She sits down next to Beca, nudging her shoulder with her own. "I love that I can make you blush, it's so cute!"

Beca just rolls her eyes, trying to hide the smile on her face, but not doing a good job. "You're really messing with my head, you know that?"

"Good," Chloe says, before giving her a soft kiss on the lips.

/

At the next Bella's practice, Aubrey didn't mention anything about the mixes or even hint that they had their earlier conversation even existed. Beca was even being on her best behavior, and not just for Chloe. She really believed mixing it up was their ticket to winning, and any extra brownie points with Aubrey could only help, even if she died inside a little bit every time she tried to gain one. And she knew Aubrey knew she hated but, she of course milked it for all it's worth.

"Ok girls, that was a good practice but to be honest, I would keep you here all night if I could, because we need all the extra rehearsal we can get!"

"I think my vocal chords are chaffing," Fat Amy says. "Aubrey would give that old dude in Full Metal Jacket a run for his money. And by that I mean, I might murder her if she doesn't give it a rest, or us one for that matter."

"I can hear you Fat Amy."

"Hear what? Lilly said it."

Lilly stares at Aubrey, then at Fat Amy, then back at Aubrey. "I've never had to murder anyone. Yet."

"Ok...ignoring both of you now. Chloe, you ready?"

"Uh, yea Aubrey...sure," she says looking a little confused. She shrugs at Beca, who also wonders why Aubrey is suddenly insistent they leave together. Chloe doesn't push so Beca doesn't either. Chloe gives her a wink, and mouths "I'll text you" before walking out with Aubrey, who gives Beca a funny look as she leaves.

"Hey Beca - Amy, Stacie, and I are going to grab some coffee. Wanna come?" Cynthia Rose asks.

Surprisingly, Beca would enjoy the company right now, but she's exhausted. "No thanks guys, have fun though."

"Weak!" she hears Fat Amy yell, as they walk out.

When she gets back to her room, she immediately crashes into bed, too tired to even change out of her clothes.

_She's running again. But the indistinguishable forestry is replaced with the familiar surroundings of the Barden campus. She can feel the presence of her assailant behind her, but when she looks back no one is there. She can hear that voice though, laughing. She hears the footsteps on the ground, the heavy breathing. She knows she's being chased but can't hide because this person is hiding themselves. Yet they are very much present. Beca really hates these nightmares. _

_But she keeps running. And then the voices come. And the words burn as if each one is being branded on her with a hot iron. _

"_Broken. Used up. Fucked up. Worthless. Ugly. Weak. Wrong. Gullible. Delusional. Crazy."_

_Each word echoes, ricocheting around Beca's mind._

"_You can't run from me, Beca. I'll always catch up with you. But the chase is just part of the fun. I'll always be apart of you. You can't forget me, you can't get rid of me. I'm better than you, smarter than you, stronger than you. You're nothing without me. No one else could want you. And SHE'S just playing a game. You know who. None of it makes sense for a reason. She's a fake, playing you so hard. Just in it for the experience. Surface level. Skin deep. Then it's off to the next thing, leaving you all alone. And who's always there? ME."_

_And at that last word, she's stopped in her tracks because she's face to face with those eyes, with that sneer, that she's fought so hard to forget, to beat. She's sweating, panting. "You're lying. You're not apart of me anymore!" Beca screams. _

_Laughing. The worst kind of laughing. "HAH! See for yourself then." And suddenly those eyes, that sneer, are Chloe. She's there, standing right in front of Beca. But it's not her Chloe. Beca closes her eyes, tight. And when she opens them, Chloe is still there, looking at Beca, no emotion on her face. _

"_Chloe!" Beca says, reaching up to touch her face. But Chloe slaps her hand away, an anger on her face now that Beca's never seen before. This can't be Chloe. It can't be._

_As if reading her thoughts, Chloe speaks. "Oh, but it is me, Beca. You really are stupid. I'm standing right in front of you, and you're questioning if it's me? God you make me sick." Chloe steps forward towards Beca, and without warning, shoves her hard to the ground. Beca scrambles backward, as Chloe keeps moving towards her. She stops, bending down, staring right at Beca, who is speechless. "You really are pathetic," Chloe finally says, looking around, her voice not her own. Beca darts her eyes to each side, trying to see what Chloe is looking at, but she sees nothing. She looks back at Chloe, who snaps her gaze back to Beca as well, her head down so she has to look up to see Beca, which makes her look more evil. "You're so much fun to play with though." Chloe crawls forward, over Beca, settling so that she's straddling her. "Now...I know you haven't said I love you back yet," she says too sweetly for Beca's liking, "and that would make this so much more fun if you had, but, I know you're feeling it. I have your heart wrapped around my finger," Chloe sneers moving her index finger in a circular motion. "So when I crush your pathetic, worthless little heart, it'll still break you," Chloe's voice on the word break is dark and hoarse, evil. "And it just proves what you already know, that you were right. You're better off alone." _

_Beca is crying now, unable to suppress the tears and pain. The weight of not only Chloe's words, but Chloe herself, suffocating her. "Chloe, please," she begs, "this isn't you, this can't be you. You would never say these things to me!"_

_Chloe laughs, taking Beca's face in her hands. "I was good, wasn't I?" _

"_No no no no no..." Beca cries out. Chloe is looking at her, satisfied. She gets off Beca, turning to walk away. Beca lunges forward so she's on her knees, grabbing Chloe's hand, refusing to let this be real. Chloe pulls away angrily, slapping Beca in the face. "Don't touch me." Chloe says, the disdain in her voice so thick, it's like a punch to Beca's stomach. And Chloe is gone. _

"_Chloe!" Beca yells, sobbing. "Chloe!"_

"_Beca! Beca!"_

"BECA! BECA! Please wake up!"

Beca is shaken from the nightmare, her eyes open wide as her vision settles on Chloe, who looks at her terrified, tears streaming down her face. Beca is still crying, her breathing staggered and hard. Chloe moves closer to her, but Beca scrambles out of her bed, falling to the ground, anxious to get away from Chloe, the lines of nightmare and reality still blurred.

Chloe doesn't move right away, clearly unsure of what to do. Beca hugs herself, attempting to subdue the shaking. Neither woman speaks, each frozen where they are at. Beca finally breaks the silence, when her breathing becomes steadier and she's stopped crying enough to speak.

"It was y-you," she says, her voice shaky.

"What was me? I was in your nightmare?" Chloe inquires, careful in her delivery.

Beca nods. "You were there, but it couldn't have been real, because that couldn't have been you." she says, almost whispering. "It couldn't have been, right?"

"Did I do something, say something?" Chloe asks, now slowly making her way closer to Beca, cautious, watching Beca carefully, as she settles on kneeling in front of her.

Beca looks up at Chloe, wide-eyed, terror still fresh on her face. "I was running, like I always am. Running away...from...some.._.thing_," deliberately leaving out some_one_. "They were saying all these things. Awful things. And then you were there. You were that someon-thing," cutting herself off again from saying one, "and y-you started saying all these things to me. These lies," Beca throws her hands over her ears, the words still ricocheting around her head, "but it was so real and you were so real. So real that maybe they weren't lies..."

"Beca, what did I say!?" Chloe says, her voice concerned.

Beca sighs, tears streaming down her face. She recounts the nightmare, her heart breaking as she sees Chloe's face drop, tears welling up in her eyes as well. Beca feels sick to her stomach when she finishes.

"Beca...don't believe any of that. That was not me. It was a nightmare. You know me! You know that person wasn't me!"

"You were...so real," Beca says tilting her head to the side, still in a bit of a daze, not quite grasping the reality in front of her, that she wasn't in the nightmare anymore. She looks at Chloe's face, and flashes of the nightmare Chloe appear in place of the Chloe right in front of her. That evil smirk, those heavily lidded eyes staring at her. Beca's eyes widen, her breathing becoming staccato again. "No no no no no!" she yells, her voice escalating with each 'no' that escapes her lips. She scrambles backward, just like in the nightmare. It _was_ real. She stands up, backing against the wall. Chloe stands up as well, stepping toward Beca, a pained expression on her face. She reaches out for Beca, attempting to maybe pull her in for a hug. Beca shoves her back hard, Chloe stumbling, but not falling. Tears are streaming down her shocked face. Beca stands there, shocked too, looking at her hands, taking in what she just did. Chloe's expression suddenly changes, she looks determined, and maybe a little angry. She charges towards her, Beca bracing herself for whatever the hell was about happen. Chloe's arms wrap around her, the older woman's strength overpowering.

"It wasn't real, Beca. That Chloe wasn't real. I'm right here, holding you, and I'm not letting go. Don't believe any of that shit. I love you and I care for you, and you're kind of like, my best friend - in a way Aubrey just...can't be. I would NEVER do any of that stuff to you. Please believe me. Breathe me in, right here, right now. Breathe...breathe...breathe," she whispers over and over, "You're okay."

Chloe loosens her grip. Beca looks up and grabs Chloe's face with both hands, searching, waiting for this other Chloe to reveal herself. But she doesn't. Chloe holds her gaze on Beca as well, eventually releasing a small smile. The Chloe in her nightmare never smiled at her like that. And that's enough to convince her right now and she lets out a sigh of relief. Chloe's smile brightens, and Beca throws her arms around her, holding tight, the redhead returning the pressure.

"I'm sorry," Beca says when they break apart. It's about 3 AM, and there's no sign of her roommate. "I'm sorry Kimmy Jin had to call you over here. Again."

"It's okay. I'm glad she texted. She was just getting back to the room when she found you, um, struggling...so you didn't technically wake her up. If that makes you feel better."

Beca lets out a long sigh. "This has to stop. I can't do this anymore. I have to be able to sleep."

"How long has this been going on?"

"A...while."

Chloe narrows her eyes at Beca, not satisfied with the answer.

"Well when did they start?

"Awhile ago," Beca says dismissively, collapsing back onto the bed, looking up at the ceiling, her hands linked together on her stomach.

Chloe joins Beca, laying on her back, arms behind her head. They lay in silence for a bit.

"Beca -" Chloe begins, but Beca cuts her off, knowing where this is going.

"Can we just drop it, please?"

Chloe looks over at Beca, sadness in her eyes, but nods in agreement, a weak smile at the corner of her mouth. Beca smiles back in relief and gratitude. "Will you stay with me?"

"Of course," Chloe replies, brushing some hair out of Beca's face. "You're going to be okay, you know that right?"

"If there's anyone I believe about that, it'd be you I guess."

"And you're right to do so. I'm not just saying that. I got a good feeling about you."

Beca chuckles, finding Chloe's absolute optimism utterly bizarre, yet comforting at the same level.

"Mind if I throw a record on? We can just relax, listen to some music."

"Sure go for it."

Chloe jumps up on her knees, searching the shelves by Beca's bed which hold her vinyl records, humming as she searches.

"Maybe something folky...I use a little banjo in my life," Beca suggests. Chloe doesn't answer, and Beca realizes she isn't humming anymore.

"Or not...we can listen to whatever," she says.

Still nothing.

"Chloe...?"

Chloe sits back down, turning around to face Beca, holding something in her hand that makes Beca's stomach drop.

"What are these?"

Beca reaches up to try and grab the bag out of Chloe's grasp, but Chloe pulls her hand out of reach.

"What _are_ these, Beca?"

"Nothing," Beca says trying to sound casual. "It's just aspirin. I broke the bottle, so I put them in the baggy."

"If they were aspirin, why were so eager to grab them from me?"

"I um...I don't know! Because, um..." She has no good answer for this.

"Don't lie to me, Beca! Are these drugs?"

"I just need help sleeping and, like, calming down, sometimes, okay? It's no big deal!"

"It is a big deal if you don't have a prescription. And I'm guessing a doctor wouldn't prescribe them in a plastic baggy!"

"It's really none of your business, okay? I don't understand why you care." She immediately regrets saying it the second it's out of her mouth. "I'm sorry I didn't mean that." But Chloe is already getting out of the bed. "Chloe, please, I'm sorry okay! I didn't mean it. Come back," she pleads. Chloe stands with her arms crossed, looking at Beca. She gets out of bed, crossing over to Chloe. She hesitates before kissing Chloe softly on the lips. "Please come back to bed. You're here and that's all I need for a good night's sleep."

Chloe seems unconvinced, but gives in, grabbing Beca's hand leading her back to bed. She cuddles up to Beca, arms wrapped tightly around her waist, hands gripped tight together.

She kisses Beca lights on the back of the neck. "Please don't take them anymore. Okay?" she whispers into her ear.

"Okay," Beca whispers back.

"Promise?"

"Mmhmm."

"Say the word."

"...Promise."

She feels a pang in her stomach because she really doesn't think she can keep this promise. Even if it's for Chloe.

/

She wakes up shaking and crying a few more times during the night. Chloe is still there each time, holding her tight, trying to calm her down. Nightmare Chloe doesn't pay another visit, but the running and the taunting continues. She must have calmed down at some point, because the next time Beca wakes up, she's not crying or gasping for air, and Chloe is softly running her fingers through Beca's hair, stroking her head. She looks up, meeting those bright blue eyes.

"Hey you." Chloe says softly, smiling at Beca.

"Hi." Beca replies quietly.

"How are you feeling?"

Beca sits up, letting out a long sigh. Chloe matches her sitting position. "Like...it's nice to get some actual sleep, however small it was. I think the last time I slept that well was the last time you spent the night. Thanks for staying."

Chloe leans over, softly kissing Beca on the lips, her hand resting on Beca's cheek. "Anytime."

She can feel the tension in the air from the whole pill argument last night. She glances up at them, sitting back on the shelf, Chloe catching her upwards glance.

"You're going to keep your promise, right?"

"Yep."

"So you don't mind if I take them from you and get rid of them?"

Beca bites her bottom lip, a strained expression on her face. She swallows hard and exhales.

"Sure...not a problem. But...can you maybe not throw them away? They're not illegal, and yes I don't _technically_ have a prescription, but they really do help me. I need to sleep Chloe," she says, not hiding the desperation. Chloe sighs, looking sadly over at her.

"I guess I just don't understand why you don't just get it form an actual doctor, instead of some shady guy."

She doesn't want to go to an actual doctor because she's done that before. She's been prescribed these pills before...the first time she needed them. She hated taking them, they made her feel like a zombie. But this time around she doesn't mind the way they make her feel. These are a little different than last time. And she can't go to a doctor because then her dad will undoubtedly find out, and look at her with that expression like she's going to break, like he doesn't know what to do with her. And he'll know the nightmares are back, maybe he'll realize that they never really went away. It's easier this way. Although she can't keep asking him for hundreds of dollars. Once was probably enough. Maybe Nik will hire her for a few shifts a week, not that she has any time to work a job, with school, the station, and Bellas. But she can't think about that right now. She has enough for a while and that's all she can worry about at the moment.

"It's...complicated."

"Uncomplicate it then."

"Can you please not push this. I really can't get into this right now. Please, Chloe, I'm begging you."

"I'm just worried about you," she whispers, pulling Beca by the middle and pulling her close. "What if this guy you get your stuff from wants to hurt you or something. Dealers can be crazy like that."

"Ronnie is about as intimidating as you are. I'd be more scared of Aubrey than him."

"Hey, I can be intimidating!" Chloe poking Beca in the side and laughing.

"Jello, Chloe Beale. You are jello," Beca laughs, teasing her.

The reprieve from the seriousness is short, as Chloe's face slowly turns back into a frown. She curls some strands of Beca's hair in her fingers, focusing on the motions of her fingers intertwining with the hair.

"What if...I hold on to them, and when you need them, you call me."

"Is there an option B?"

"I flush them down the toilet and kick Ronnie's ass."

"Okay...option A it is."

Her alarm goes off, startling them both a little.

"I have class. I suppose I should go. Last thing I need is to fail out of college."

"How bout I walk ya and we'll grab some coffee on the way?"

"It's my business class and our professor as a way of speaking so that you literally want to kill yourself just to escape. So yea...coffee!" Beca jokes, getting out of bed.

"Yikes well I like you alive and well so we'll make it a triple shot, just to be on the safe side."

"Good thinking," Beca says, chuckling, as she gets dressed.

/

"Hey, any word from our fearless leader on those mixes?" Beca asks, after taking a sip of her coffee, as she and Chloe walk through campus towards her class.

"No, but if I hear anything I promise you'll be the first to know."

"Ok...thanks."

When they arrive at Beca's lecture hall, Chloe turns and gives her a parting kiss on the cheek. "Okay, have a good class!" she chirps, "I'll text you later before we go to practice, ok?"

"Ok...cool, thanks for walking me."

Chloe gives her a wink, and turns to leave, making a few feet when Beca suddenly shouts, "Hey Chloe?!"

"Yes?" Chloe replies as she spins back around to face Beca.

"Do you think she'll really like them? The mixes."

Chloe walks back up to Beca, grabbing hold of her shoulders.

"B, she's gonna love them. I know it."

"Ok...cool...um well, thanks again...for walking me."

"Anytime m'lady!" Chloe says in a old timey/southern accent. She tilts her head at the redhead in mock confusion and rolls her eyes, laughing.

"Um...much obliged?" Beca responds in a terrible southern accent.

Chloe laughs at her. "Ok...time to go to class," she says turning Beca towards the door, "it's starting right now, you're gonna be late!"

"I say, I say, I say I don't wanna go!" Beca retorts in a Foghorn Leghorn imitation.

"Alright this is getting weird now." Chloe laughs. "Go, go, go."

Beca likes this game. "I sure am ready for some good learnin, Ms. Beale!"

"Oh my gosh, just go." Chloe is now basically pushing Beca into the building, trying not to laugh but not being very successful. Beca finally concedes, but turns around to give Chloe a small curtsey. Chloe crosses her arms and shakes her head at Beca's ridiculousness, unable to hide the smile on her face. Beca turns around and walks into her class chuckling to herself. She's like 5 minutes late, but people are still milling about, and it's a pretty big sized class so her tardiness isn't noticed. She searches for Fat Amy, who also takes this class, and who also can actually make it bearable, when she decides to share her comments with the class, usually leaving the professor speechless.

"Hey Mitchell, over here!" Amy calls out and Beca makes her way over to her.

The caffeine high kicks in about 20 minutes into her 90 minute class. And although Beca is grateful for the pre-class coffee, in hindsight the triple shot may have been a little too much. She can't stop tapping her feet, or the pen in her hands. Fat Amy looks over at her very curiously.

Their professor is going on about something, as monotone as ever. The whole class could probably lay their heads down on their desk and go to sleep, and he will continue on with this lecture like nothing's happening. Fat Amy has a theory that he's a cyborg, which she shares openly, even to the professor himself, and Beca honestly doesn't have much of an argument against it.

"Hey Beca?" Fat Amy asks.

"Mmm?" Beca replies absentmindedly.

"Hey there...hey...yeah, um...have you ever seen the show Intervention?"

"What?" She says still not really paying attention.

"Intervention? Ya know...drugs, addiction, confrontation...does that ring any bells?"

"Oh! Um...yeah, yeah I've seen that show. Why?"

"I was just wondering what you thought of those confrontation parts? Did they upset you...or...did you see them and think, _yeah good for that family. That was hard on everybody but it needed to be done. I'm glad that drug addict was so cool about it._"

"Um I don't really remember. If you have a point to make, can you just get there?"

Amy makes a checkmark by something on the notebook in front of her, and hears her mutter, "Agitation, check." She looks back over at Beca, who narrows her eyes at Amy, now officially suspicious of what she's up to. Amy looks back to her notepad, muttering "sweaty, check...fidgety, check...pupils dilated, check."

"Amy..."

"You're sweating and fidgeting like you just did 2 lines of coke, so I was just trying to feel you out so when I bring you to a circle of Bellas and we have that awkward 'this is how your addiction affects me' round robin, you don't, like, murder us all. Because if it's between being murdered and letting you plant your face in pile of coke, Scarface-style, I will pick the latter. So...just preparing."

Beca actually stops moving for a second, staring at Fat Amy, who just blinks at her, wide-eyed, apparently waiting for a response.

"Oh you're serious?"

"Cocaine addiction is very serious, Beca."

"Yeah, I'm not hooked on _blow_."

"Okay well, when you spiral out of control, just remember that the confrontation circle is for your own good. That, and to aim for Aubrey."

Beca snorts. "I'll remember that, thanks."

"So what's the deal?"

"Oh, I just drank too much coffee. One too many shots of expresso. Didn't get much sleep."

"Chloe keepin you up?"

Beca about gives herself whiplash, snapping her head to the side to look at Amy.

"Wha -no...why would you say that?"

"You guys are hooking up right?"

"How did y - I mean...no, we're just friends. I was cramming for a test that's why I was up late. And working on mixes. Plus Professor Boring requires caffeine to get through this class."

"First of all, nice one with the Professor Boring. Spot on. Second, it's okay...I just have a 6th sense about these things. Although 3 in the group...didn't see that coming. But it's pretty obvious...she stares at you basically the entire time, and really seems to enjoy getting handsy with you."

"But it's Chloe, she's handsy with everyone."

"Yeah...but with you, she lingers. You don't linger with just anyone you know. So _how_ is the ginger? Fiery?" Amy asks with a smirk.

"Yeah we're not talking about this."

"Fine...and don't worry I won't tell anyone." Amy is silent for a moment, eyeing Beca. "However...there is something I can't keep to myself anymore, and I think I just need get it out there..."

Beca has a terrible feeling she definitely knows where this is going. "Don't you dare."

But Amy is already standing up. "Beca Mitchell!" she shouts, silencing the professor and gaining the attention of every person in the room. Beca sinks down in her seat, sure her face has skipped red and went right to purple.

"Beca, you are an addict and I've gathered your friends and family here today to tell you that you need help! We're all prepared to tell you how your addiction has affected each of us!"

"This is not happening." _Is this karma or something for buying illegal prescription drugs? _

"Ms. Thomas, we're in the middle of a lecture. Please take your seat, and be quiet."

"But professor, I just can't hold this in anymore. My friend needs help and if she won't help herself, I will make the first step."

"Yes well that's very honorable, but this is neither the time nor the place for an intervention."

"Do you think Ms. Mitchell and I could be excused from the rest of the lecture, she's having a tough day." Amy puts her hand up to her mouth like she doesn't want Beca to know what she's saying. "_Withdrawal's a bitch, ya know." _ And Beca wills herself to disappear. Or spontaneously combust. She'd be fine with either.

Their professor just sighs and motions for them to leave, turning his back to them as he moves to change the powerpoint slide. Amy smiles, grabbing her stuff and nudging Beca out as well. And as if the last several minutes didn't happen, the lecture is back on. Beca does her best to duck her head down, trying to hide her face which is still bright red. Amy is basically dragging her out.

"What the hell was that?" Beca shouts once they're outside.

"What, I didn't want to sit through that class anymore."

"There are other ways of getting out of class you know. Like...just getting up silently and walking out."

Amy looks at her confused.

"You're impossible." Beca groans.

"When's your next class" Amy asks, ignoring Beca's comment.

"I have Music Composition at 11, Theory at 1, my shift at the station at 4, then Bellas."

"Alright Mitchell, what do you want to do with your 2 hours of extra freedom?"

"Some lines?"

"I knew it!"

Beca laughs, trying not to think about the next time she has to walk into that class. Hopefully Amy will pull something else out of her ass, and Beca's cocaine addiction will be old news.

She and Amy head out to get food, meeting up with Stacie and Cynthia Rose along the way. Beca wouldn't dare say it out loud, but she really enjoys the friendships she's made with the other Bella girls. They're the weirdest group of people, but she wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe Amy's penchant for embarrassing Beca every chance she gets. She actually enjoys her next two classes for the most part. Music Composition is tedious at times, but it keeps her sharp. She has Music Theory with Jesse, and their teacher, Professor Fitzgerald, is a crazy hippie so he keeps it interesting. They both have to work at the station today so they walk there together after class.

"How's your friend doing?"

"Huh?"

"You're friend...the one with the medical issue."

"Oh right her...yeah, she's doing ok. She has to decide if she wants to have surgery or not and there's risks either way, so that's been kind of stressing her out. I do my best to keep her distracted and cheer her up, but I don't think I do a very good job."

"And why's that?" Jesse inquires.

"Um...well, I'm just not very good at being bubbly and cheery, I guess. She kind of carries that torch in the relation - er - friendship," she corrects herself hoping Jesse misses it or ignores it. Thankfully he seems to do just that, although she's not sure which one.

"Yea you do channel your inner Wednesday Adams very well."

"Ha-ha. So are the Trebles all ready for Regionals?"

"Yea I think we're solid. Bumper is driving me crazy though - it's really amazing how full of himself he is. Plus he doesn't listen to anyone, except for Donald sometimes. It's kind of funny, isn't it?"

"What's that?"

"That we both have a ridiculous acapella leader who doesn't listen to anyone, except for their best friend, but that's still a rare occasion."

"Oh yea I guess we do have that in common. Huh..."

They're a couple minutes from the station, when Jesse grabs Beca's arm, stopping them.

"Why are we stopping?"

He comes around to face her.

"Hey Beca?"

Beca looks up at Jesse, a sarcastic smirk on her face. "Yes, Jesse?"

He just stares at her for a second, his forehead creased like he's trying to work something out in his head.

"Um..." He begins, looking down, but seems to lose his words, so he goes silent.

Beca is growing impatient.

"Jesse, can we maybe head inside and talk about th-" but her words are cut off because his lips are on hers and he's got her face in his hands. She tries to push him off, but he kisses her harder. She pushes harder and he finally backs off.

"What the hell, Jesse!?"

"I'm sorry, I just needed to kiss you. Once..."

"Oh did you? And you felt like jumping me in the middle of the quad was the right moment to do that?"

"I just needed to know."

"Needed to know what?!" she shouts.

"If you felt the same way. In the movies that's how it's done. You just go for it. Usually the girl kisses back though."

"This isn't one of your stupid movies, Jesse! This is reality! And I'm definitely _not_ like any of those girls in the movies, I can promise you that!"

"Yea I got it!" he shouts back. "Geez Beca, it's not like I attacked you. It was just a kiss. Why are you freaking out?"

The truth is she's not fully sure why it's got her so mad. I mean it's Jesse...he's not exactly threatening...but she just hates how he assumed he had the right to just kiss her like that. There wasn't a moment between them or anything. Once again, he thinks life is one big cinematic adventure and there are no consequences. Just impulsive actions and happy endings. Well there are consequences to every action. And there are certainly no happy endings. Beca knows full well of that.

"I can't believe you're turning this around on me. And for the record, there's no way in hell I will ever feel the same way," she spats, and Jesse's face drops. "Tell Luke I'm sick today. I gotta go." Beca says as she turns around and walks away. She thinks she hears an "I'm sorry" from him but she doesn't look back to find out.

She's so mad. Who does he think he is? And now it's going to be super awkward at the station, because she can't just stop working there. All because he followed some stupid notion he picked up from the movies. She makes her way to Chloe's apartment, hoping Aubrey isn't there.

"What are you doing here? I thought you had a radio shift...like now. Not that I'm not happy to see you!" Chloe adds, seeing Beca's angry expression.

"Is Aubrey here?"

"No...she's at -" but Chloe doesn't get a chance to finish because Beca has launched herself at the redhead, crashing their lips together. She nudges Chloe forward enough to get across the threshold, kicking the door closed with her foot. Beca spins Chloe around, pushing her against the door, kissing her fiercely. The hunger in her stomach growling, Chloe fervently kissing her back. Beca holds a kiss for a long time, letting it linger, breathing Chloe in, tasting her, before she releases. Chloe looks shocked, but happy. The only sound in the room right now is their heavy breathing.

"Wow," Chloe finally says, basically exhaling the word out. "That was...unexpected," she finishes with a grin. She puts her hand on Beca's forehead. "You feeling okay?"

"Just fine." Beca responds, an assurance in her voice that makes her sound not like herself.

"Don't get me wrong, that was..._hot_, but just a bit un-Beca-like, that's all." They're still holding each other, Chloe's back against the door. Chloe brings her hands up to stroke Beca's cheek. Beca tilts her head, kissing Chloe's hand.

"Maybe I'm just sick of being me," Beca says quietly.

Chloe looks at her sadly. "Well that's too bad, because I love _you_," Chloe replies, tucking some of Beca's hair behind her ear. "Who is it that you want to be?"

"Someone Jesse doesn't want to kiss."

"What!?

"Jesse kissed me."

"When!?"

"Like 10 minutes ago." Beca unwraps herself from Chloe, taking a couple steps backwards. "That's why I'm not at the station. We both have the same shift tonight, but then he decided it was a good idea to plant one on me right outside, so I bailed, told him to tell Luke I was sick."

"Did you want him to kiss you?" This is not what Beca was expecting to come out of Chloe's mouth.

"What? No...of course not! Why would you ask me that?"

"I'm not accusing you of anything Beca, I'm just curious."

"Well the answer is definitely no, okay?!"

"Got it," Chloe says, putting her hands up in mock defense, smiling, and inching towards Beca.

"In fact, I think there's really just _one_ person I want to kiss. Exclusively."

"Oh really? Do tell." Chloe is nose to nose with Beca now.

"Mmhmm. She's, uh," Chloe hands rest on Beca's hips, just under the hem of her shirt, her eyes trained on Beca's, "she's really hot, and kind and funny and she, um, has this amazing voice...she also has this fiery red hair, which I really love."

"Wow, she sounds pretty awesome." Chloe whispers, placing a soft kiss on Beca's lips. "Do you think she minds that you're here kissing me?" She places another soft kiss at the corner of Beca's mouth.

"_Well..._ since you happen to be this person, I really hope she doesn't mind because I like kissing her _a lot_!"

Chloe flashes a bright smile, her eyes lighting up. She wraps her arms around Beca's neck, bringing her in for a kiss. Chloe backs Beca into the living room, their lips never breaking. Beca's butt hits the arm of the couch, and Chloe nudges her just enough with her hips that Beca falls backward onto the couch, her feet flying in the air, just missing Chloe. Chloe giggles at Beca's not so graceful fall into the couch, crawling over the arm, gently laying herself on top of Beca.

"You're so beautiful." Chloe whispers, staring into Beca's eyes.

"Yea, I guess I like looking at you too." Beca says with a smirk, earning her a playful punch to the shoulder. "Whoa! Easy tiger. First you shove me down, now you're battering me? I'm going to go all Burning Bed on you if you keep it up."

"Wow Jesse's really rubbing off on you. You're turning movie titles into verbs."

"Yea well," Beca sighs, looking up at the ceiling, "he was like my only friend until you came along, we watched a lot of movies. He's actually not terrible company, he can be pretty funny. And I admire his passion for movies. But I'm still pissed at him."

Chloe nods in solidarity, looking down, absentmindedly making shapes with her fingers on Beca's chest. Chloe shifts her weight so she's not completely on top of Beca anymore, who shimmies over so the redhead can nestle between her and the back of the couch. Chloe lays her head down on Beca's chest. They enjoy the silent company, before Beca begins humming _Titanium_. Chloe smiles against Beca's skin at the sound of her lady jam.

Beca abruptly stops, a question begging her full attention.

"What's wrong? Why'd you stop?" Chloe asks.

"Have you decided anything about the node surgery?"

"No...not yet. Honestly I have no idea what to do. Surgery is probably the smart choice, but it's risky. There's a chance I wouldn't be able to sing like I can now, but if I keep singing without doing anything about it, I could damage my voice worse. So...not really an ideal situation either way."

"Oh...ok."

"Something else bothering you?"

"No..."

Chloe props herself up on her elbow, facing her. "Beca..."

"It's just...what about the surgery as a whole. Is it risky? Like to your life?"

"No, it's completely safe. It's a pretty routine surgery. Nothing crazy."

"Yeah but they put you under and stuff...I've heard horror stories of these so-called normal, routine, surgeries that people get but then they never wake up from the anesthesia!"

"Beca!" Chloe says, now sensing the genuine concern in her voice. "If I decide to do it, I won't be going anywhere I promise. Just try and keep me from waking up and seeing your face again!"

Beca looks into the redhead's eyes, still nervous about this possibly happening, but conceding. She doesn't want to freak Chloe out even more than she might be already.

"Ok. Surgery just makes me nervous that's all. I'm sure you'll be 100% okay," she says with a smile to appease Chloe.

"I definitely will be. I might not even do it anyway - so let's just cross that bridge when we get to it, ok?"

Beca nods and Chloe lays her head back down on her chest.

/

Beca is thinking about how heavy her eyes are getting when Chloe's voice breaks in. "Why haven't you let me listen to any of your mixes? You let Aubrey listen to them. You let Luke listen. Why not me?"

Beca can tell there's some hurt in her voice. It's not that she _doesn't_ want Chloe to listen to them, it's just that she's terrified Chloe will hate them or think they're stupid or something. Which is a totally irrational fear, because it's Chloe. But Beca's still new to this whole _sharing the things in your life with another person_ thing so it's just not her first instinct, and it still feels uncomfortable...even with Chloe sometimes. Truth be told, the way Chloe is inching, well more like leaping and bounding, into Beca's life scares the hell out of her. Chloe is like her silver lining, and it just feels too good to be true. She's never had a person like Chloe. Her dad found somebody better to share his life with. Her mom was either too depressed or hopped up on pills to remain a constant source of anything but mood swings. She knows it's not all her friends' faults in high school. She pushed them away, she slowly put up the walls. But none of them cared enough to push back or push through. And so she just kind of faded away, into herself. And soon it was just Beca, and her four walls keeping her company. They didn't judge her, or glance awkwardly at her. They protected her...for the most part. They did fail her that one time. But when the news got around (that's what happens when the offender's name carries some weight in a town), and the whispers and glances became more frequent, the walls were there, on all sides. And she forgave them for letting her down, because she was stupid for even going to that party in the first place, stupid for walking home alone, so they agreed to put it behind them and move on, together. The only problem was the walls couldn't protect her at night. They tried but there was like this invisible barrier they couldn't cross. She could hear them crying out to her, trying to get through, and she cried out for them. But the barrier couldn't be broken and Beca was left to fend for herself, naked and vulnerable. It makes Beca's blood boil thinking about it all. The anger burns in her and sometimes she feels like she's going to explode, and she just needs to hit something. Which, she has done before and it relieves her, at least temporarily. The worst part is that the rising anger is unpredictable. Like the dumbest things can set her off. She just hopes Chloe isn't around when it hits her, but as of late, Chloe has been around a lot. And now that they are kissing each other, she's probably going to be sticking around. Plus she had to go and throw a wrench in everything by telling Beca she's in love with her. What has she gotten herself into?

"Beca? You still with me?" Chloe says, gently nudging Beca out of her head.

"Hmm?"

"Where'd ya go?"

"You wouldn't like it much. Not a good place to visit. Anyway - I'm sorry I haven't let you hear my mixes. I was just scared I guess. The ones I give to Luke at the station are surface level. Radio friendly, so to speak. The ones for Aubrey was like a business transaction. Means to an end. I think the possibility of you not liking them or whatever really scared me, because I really care what you think. Even though I really should know better, because it's you and I should know that you'd be supportive no matter what. It sounds kind of stupid now that I say it out loud."

Chloe is silent, tracing figure eights on Beca's stomach. Beca doesn't really know what else to say so she waits for Chloe to respond. But she's doesn't. Beca tilts her head down to look at Chloe, and sees tears running down her cheeks.

"Hey hey hey, what's wrong? I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you." Beca shifts and sits up, guiding Chloe to her same position, grabbing her shoulders and turning the redhead towards her.

Chloe sniffs, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer. I was just thinking about you and the things that have happened to you to make you how you are." Chloe swallows hard, looking down. She seems to be trying to compose herself, before speaking again. She looks back up at Beca, with a fierce intensity in her eyes. "And it just makes me really sad, because _I can see_ the person you'd be without all pain, without all the heartache. And she's screaming to get out. She's shaking the bars on her cell. And I just want to rescue that person, I wanna shake her out of you!"

Beca's eyes widen as Chloe gets more and more distraught. She's never seen her like this before.

"I want you to be able to stand up and be proud to be Beca Mitchell and make the world listen to you and know that once you have it's attention, your words matter. Cause they do, and you do! And I'm sorry, Beca," grabbing both of her hands, "I'm sorry that you've been hurt, that people have hurt you. That your dad hurt you. That your mom hurt you. That a lot of other people have hurt you. I wish I could turn back time and rescue that teenage girl and tell her everything is going to be okay, because one day she'll meet me and I'm going to make everything better. I'll light that fire inside of her that so many people have suffocated."

Beca doesn't know if she wants to cry or run out of the room or hug Chloe or kiss her. This is something that has clearly been weighing on Chloe, and she can't help but feel bad for being the cause of her heavy heart. She's also kind of trying to figure out if this is all real right now. If this girl across from her is actually saying all these things, these truths that knock the wind out of her. But as she looks at this girl sitting across from her, she's at a loss for words.

"Wow, Chloe...I don't really know what to say, I-"

"You don't need to say anything, Beca. I just...really needed to get that out. I needed you to know. I'm in your corner, always. Okay?"

Beca nods, giving Chloe a soft kiss on her lips. "Thank you," she whispers. "Thank you for letting me be me, but knowing there's a better me."

"I really meant of all that stuff," the redhead says, her tone serious and urgent, like she needs to convince Beca.

"Yeah I know Chloe," Beca laughs, "I know you wouldn't just say all that to rile me up or get me to confess some deep, dark secret. And the reason I can believe that about you is...because of you. So...thanks."

Chloe attacks her with a hug, but because Beca's not ready for it, Chloe knocks her backward, both of them falling off the couch, bursting into laughter. Somebody's arm or elbow or knee or some other body part hits the coffee table, spilling the half drunk cup of cold coffee right onto Beca's face.

"Aah, what the...?!" she sputters. Chloe's in a right giggle-fit now, trying to be sympathetic but when Beca tries to glare at her for laughing, she just laughs harder. And it's so infectious, Beca can't help but laugh too. She can't remember the last time she has laughed this hard or for this long. Her abs, or lack thereof, feel like she's just done about 10,00 sit-ups by the time they calm themselves down.

"Ok we should get you cleaned up," Chloe says still trying to contain herself as she stands up. She lends her hand to Beca, helping her up off the floor. "You wanna just take a shower since it's all up in your hair and stuff? We have time before we have to head to practice. Plus that was Aubrey's coffee and she's a 9 lumps of sugar kind of girl so I'm sure you're pretty sticky too."

"Is this just a ruse so you can surprise me in the shower again?"

"Probably," Chloe says, winking. "But you're just going to have to take a risk here, and trust me. Are you up for it, Mitchell?"

"I'm so up, I'm down."

Chloe tilts her head, her forehead creased in confusion, a goofy smile on her face.

"That didn't really work did it?" Beca chuckles.

Chloe laughs. "No it didn't, but you tried your best."

"Well...I am the best so that's really all I know how to do."

Chloe shakes her head.

"What, not that one either!?"

"No definitely not," Chloe says, trying to contain her laughter, but not doing a good job. She tosses Beca a towel. "I'm going to grab some coffee, so you can shower in peace."

"Why do I have a feeling you're saying that _just_ so you can scare me even more?"

"Again...you're just going to have to trust me." Chloe replies mischievously.

"Well your tone _is_ very reassuring so I guess I'll take my chances," she says before entering the bathroom.

She hears the door close, along with a faint "bye." Beca turns on the shower, letting the hot water run down her body, rinsing away the sticky coffee. She finds Chloe's shampoo in the shower, feeling a bit dumb for inhaling it's scent. It's some weird brand she's never heard of, and she takes a mental note of it, feeling silly about that as well.

_Shorty get down, good Lord_...she sings softly to herself.

_Baby got em up open all over town_

_Strictly biz, she don't play around_

_Cover much ground, got game by the pound_

_Gettin paid is a for-_

"_AH-HA!"_

"AAHH HOLY SHIT!" Beca shouts, whipping around, grabbing the shower curtain Chloe had just pulled back. Unfortunately, she yanks it a little too hard, bringing the whole damn shower curtain and curtain rod down on her, as she also slips, landing on her ass, wrapped up in the curtain.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay!" Chloe says, her voice sounding somewhat concerned through all the laughter. She reaches over to turn off the water, then finds Beca's face in the mess of shower curtain she's tangled up in. Beca is a little dizzy from getting whacked on the head by the curtain rod, and she can feel the sting from falling.

She looks up at Chloe, who's holding her hand over her mouth attempting to suppress the giggles. She looks down at Beca sympathetically. "Are you okay?"

"Oh me? I'm just fine."

Chloe bites her bottom lip, looking guilty. "I'm sorry...," the laughter subsiding, but still present in her voice. "I, uh, didn't think you'd completely wipe out."

Beca gives her a deadpan look. Her butt really hurts, and so does her elbow, but she replays it in her head and has to admit it was probably pretty hilarious to see it all go down. She puts her hand over her eyes, the laughter building. Chloe can't contain herself any longer either, and pretty soon they're both laid out - Beca in the tub still, Chloe on the bathroom floor - laughing until their stomachs hurt.

"What can possibly be happening in the bathroom that's so funny?" Aubrey demands, walking in on the two in a fit of laughter. "What. Is. Happening."

Chloe calms herself down enough to respond. "Hey Aubrey...what, um, what's up?"

"I forgot my pitch pipe so I came back to grab it before Bellas practice. Am I interrupting something here?"

"Just my pride being busted Aubrey," Beca says sarcastically. "Sorry you missed it...although my current position isn't all that dignified."

Aubrey shoots Beca a glare and a smirk. "Whatever. We have practice in 45 minutes. _Don't_ be late."

"We won't, I promise." Chloe says.

Aubrey rolls her eyes, and is out the door in a huff. They hear the door close. Chloe helps Beca up, who is desperately trying to keep the curtain wrapped around her so this doesn't get too awkward.

"Oh it's not like I haven't seen it all before," Chloe says rolling her eyes and grinning, noticing Beca struggling with the curtain.

"Yes well I'd like to keep some mystery in this relationship. Gimme a break."

Chloe smiles at her, looking for the towel she gave Beca to use. She snags it off the hook on the wall, handing it to Beca. "Here, this might work a little better." Chloe closes her eyes, a smile still plastered on her face. Beca snatches it, quickly exchanging the curtain for the warm, dry towel.

"Ok, Norman Bates you can open your eyes."

/

"So you want to hear what I gave Aubrey?" she casually asks, while combing her hair.

Chloe whips her head around from where she is standing. "Really?!"

"Yeah, I mean if you want..."

She's being hugged and her face is full of red hair before she knows what's happening.

"So I assume that's a yes?" she laughs.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Chloe says, releasing Beca.

Beca shakes her head, chuckling at her unabashed eagerness. She grabs her laptop out of her bag, opening up the file to listen to. She plugs her headphones in.

"Why can't we listen to it together?"

"If you want to hear this, you're gonna put these on."

"Okay, okay."

Chloe puts on the headphones. Beca takes a deep breath, looking at Chloe who gives her a reassuring wink and a nod, and she pushes play, her heart pounding in her chest. .

Chloe tries to play cool, but can't contain the excitement because her eyes are lighting up and she's bobbing her head to the beat.

"Beca, that was SO GOOD!" Chloe says, taking off the headphones once the track finishes.

"Yeah?"

"There's no way Aubrey won't like it. I know she hasn't mentioned a word about it, but she's probably just making you sweat. I mean - I don't know if she'll actually cave and let us do this as an actual set, but I would say you definitely make a great case, because this would be so awesome to perform! And the rest of the team will love it too!"

"Well they'll get to listen when Aubrey budges. Which will probably be never. Honestly I don't know why I even gave her this to listen to. I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. She's too stuck in tradition or whatever and has tunnel vision."

"Maybe I could convince her..."

"She'd freak. And she's going to blame me for making you turn on her, she's going to think you're taking sides and that you're taking my side, and betraying her."

"Look, I know you think she's like this evil bitch..."

"Not _evil_."

"No matter, you just need to find a better way to communicate to her. She gets stuck in her one track mind, and that train is loud. I honestly think she knows something needs to change, but that change probably freaks the hell out of her, so she's sticking to what she knows. Jumping on the Beca train is just too risky, and with it being our last year and all, she's not willing to risk putting aside all she knows to do what you think is right."

"But you think it's right too! Right?!"

"Yes...yes, I do...but it's just a delicate situation, Beca. I know she doesn't really give you a reason to cut her some slack, but winning means more to her than you think. There's just more too it. More on the line."

"But she won't even TRY it in rehearsal. What is trying it in rehearsal risking? Wasting an hour of our time? Big whoop!"

"She just doesn't see it that way," Chloe says, shrugging.

Beca is getting frustrated because she wants Chloe to be on her side about this, and even though she says she is, Beca doesn't believe it. Aubrey is like her kryptonite. The one thing that can diminish the care-free, go-for-it attitude. Aubrey can shut her down. But they've been friends for almost four years now, so Beca has to believe that Chloe sees what most can't, just like she does with Beca.

"Well I'm going to try and talk to her today at practice. Which we better get to or Aubrey will kill me."

Chloe nods in agreement, but before they leave, Beca needs to ask her something. "If _(when)_ she's being unreasonable, will you back me up?"

She knows she's kind of asking a lot here, but this is something she knows in her gut is the right thing to do. She really believes she can make a difference on this team, and for the first time in a long time, or really ever, she wants to. She doesn't want to be the cause of a rift between Chloe and her best friend, but it's a risk she's willing to take at the moment.

Chloe hesitates, clearly torn. She bites her bottom lip, thinking it over. Beca feels an urge to retract the offer.

"It's okay, Chloe...you don't have to -"

"No...I'll back you up. I can tell it's important to you, so." She lets out a long sigh. "I'll try and help you convince her."

Beca smiles, leaning in to give Chloe a quick kiss. "Thanks, I know what this could mean, so I really appreciate it."

Chloe smiles back, nodding softly. "Let's just pray for a miracle tonight, shall we?"

Beca laughs. "And then some," she adds.

/

"No no no no no no no!" Aubrey yells, for like the umpteenth time, stopping the routine.

Exasperated sighs are let out all through the rehearsal space. They've done this routine a million times, but Aubrey somehow finds something wrong with it each time. Her left eye is starting to do this weird twitchy thing and Beca swears she's going to take a swing at somebody and that somebody will most likely be her, even though she's sticking to her guns and being on her best behavior.

"What is it _this _time?" Stacie asks, annoyed. Patience is running low in everyone.

"It just doesn't look right!" Aubrey shouts.

"That's not real reason, Aubrey, especially since it's been your reason like 100 times tonight!" Stacie yells back.

"Aca-scuse me, but I'm the leader here so I don't need to defend my reasons." Aubrey snaps back.

"This routine is tired, Aubrey - have you had a chance to -" Beca says calmly, but Aubrey cuts her off.

"Not the time or your place, _Beca_," Aubrey says firmly, before addressing the group again. "Ok, reset! From the top one more time. One, two, three..."

"Aubrey, enough!"

The room goes silent as everyone turns to the unlikely voice behind that exclamation. Chloe looks just as shocked at herself as everyone else does, especially Aubrey, who looks like she just saw Chloe morph into an animal or something.

"Chloe?!" Aubrey says, her voice a mix of shock, anger, and hurt.

"I said...enough."

"No, you do _not _to do this. Not you. Not now."

"Aubrey, I just think that Beca has a -"

"No, Chloe! Don't you dare take your side. You remember your place in all this. I'm not going to let you or anyone else get in the way or challenge me on this. I know what it takes to win and last year proves this routine is the ticket and you bet your ass I'll be keeping my shit together this year so we are a shoe-in to win. So you all keep your shit together too!"

Chloe backs down. But Beca steps in.

"Geez Aubrey, take it down a notch. Why are you attacking us?" she says, not being able to stand by and watch her attack the team anymore, especially Chloe.

"Step down, Beca." Aubrey says, closing the distance between them, using her height to intimidate Beca.

"Why won't you listen to any of us? I know you could care less what I think, but Chloe is your best friend. I'm sure she's not just doing this to fuck with you. If you're going to listen to anyone, ever, right now - listen to her!"

The rest of the Bellas are silent, their eyes darting from Beca to Aubrey, Aubrey to Beca. Chloe at a loss for words and at what to do.

"She's only doing this before of _you_!" Aubrey snaps back.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't be stupid."

Amy steps in. "Hey hey hey, ladies, time-out! Take a step back, because no offense Beca, but I think Aubrey could take you. Although you do look pretty scrappy, so...it could be quite a smackdown. Nevermind, go on. My odds are on you, Scrappy Doo."

Aubrey glares at Amy. Beca holding hers on Aubrey, who snaps her gaze back to Beca. Chloe steps up to them, putting her hands on each shoulder, and each of them shaking her off.

"Just _leave it alone, Beca_," Aubrey says through gritted teeth. "I know what I'm doing."

"I know that Aubrey, but I just think you could use some help! We're supposed to be a team!"

"We are a team! And it's important for each member of that team to remember her place!"

"Well I really want to win, Aubrey, and I don't think this routine will do it. It may get us there, but it's not going to win."

"Either you do the routine as planned and stop arguing with me, or, you can leave."

Aubrey has lost it, Beca thinks. She would rather kick her out, then listen to any input from anybody, especially Beca. She glances over at Chloe, hoping for some support. And her heart drops, when instead she gets small shake of her head, motioning for her to step down, and indicating Chloe isn't going to back her up after all. Beca gives her a disappointed look, and Chloe looks away.

When Beca steps back, Aubrey smiles, happy to have seemingly won. "That's what I thought."

45 minutes of tense rehearsal later, they're dismissed. Beca hurries out, wanting to avoid everyone, especially Aubrey. And Chloe too because she'd be lying if she said she wasn't disappointed in her lack of support, especially when Beca had specifically asked her about it. Her blood is boiling thinking about the extremity of Aubrey's tunnel vision. She's so wrapped up in whatever issues she has to even _see_ anything other than her blind ambition, which is going to lose them the title. And the person she counted on to back her up, the only person she needed to back her up because Aubrey will only listen to one person, let her down. And Beca can't help but think that when it comes down to it, Chloe will choose Aubrey. So much for love.

Beca needs some clarity. She heads back to her room, and hunkers down for some homework and mixing. It's around 11, she's exhausted, but doesn't want to go to sleep, knowing she probably won't find any rest in that anyway. She's about to put her headphones on when she hears a knock at the door. She knows it's Chloe, and she should just open it and get whatever conversation she wants to have out of the way, but she really doesn't want to so she stays put, but whoops she didn't lock the door so it's opening and here she comes, sitting down on the bed, looking upset.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Can we not do this right now?"

"We have to, I know you're pissed at me and I don't want us to go to bed angry."

"Wasn't really planning on going to bed."

"Nightmares?" Chloe asks timidly.

"Seriously, can we not do this? I have a lot of work to do and I can't have an intense heart to heart right now. It seems like whenever I'm with you, either one or both of us is crying, or we're making out, or _whatever!" _ I just need...some space, Chloe! I need some balance! I'm not like you, I can't be this," motioning to herself and Chloe, "_all the time_."

"Where is this all coming from? Is it because I didn't back you up today? I'm really sorry for that, Beca! I am! I'm so sorry! I said I was going to and I didn't and that's not okay."

"Yeah I guess that's part of it. You really disappointed me. But we can't change what happened. And I don't want to fight with you. I get it, why you took her side. I'm not mad. I just need to get some homework done." Her tone is flat, just trying to keep it cool.

"I know you're not over it. Don't lie to me just try and make me feel better."

Beca sighs, trying to think of what she can do to convince Chloe. She moves her laptop off her lap, taking her headphones off. She brings their lips together, trying to put a little umph into the kiss. She lets it linger, pulling away, looking into Chloe's eyes. "I'm not mad. Okay?"

Chloe smiles, searching Beca's face. "Okay," she finally concedes. "I love you, you know."

Beca cringes on the inside, partly because she can't say it back and partly because she still feels like Chloe shouldn't be saying it to her. But she can't get into that right now either. "Yea I know...," she says, a small smile on her face. That seems to satisfy Chloe and she moves to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Chloe asks, opening the door, and Beca nods.

When the door closes, Beca slumps back on her bed, exhaling. She feels guilty for being dishonest about how she really feels, but she was truthful about not wanting to get into an extreme, deep discussion. Their relationship does makes Beca happy, but it has been a rollercoaster ride. Between Beca's many freakouts, Chloe's persistence on getting the low-down on everything in Beca's life past, present, and future, as well as their physical relationship, Beca feels like her mind and heart and soul have been in overdrive. They're tired, not used to this much exertion. She gets back to work, cracking open a redbull, and turning up the music.

It's about 3 AM when she feels like she can't keep her eyes open anymore, and her vision is starting to get fuzzy. She puts her computer on her desk, shoves her books and notebooks aside, and crashes into bed.

She has a semi restless night, uninterrupted for the most part. She's enjoying the consistent sleep so much she doesn't hear her alarm beeping.

"Beca! Alarm!" Kimmy Jin yells. She's awoken by a pillow hitting her in the head, and another shout from Kimmy Jin.

She slams her hand down on her alarm clock. She sees her roommate hastily turn her back to her, pulling the covers up over her head.

"Sorry...sorry" she says groggily. Beca just lays there for a little bit, trying to will this day away so she can just go back to sleep. It's a struggle getting up to a standing position, but she manages it. After a shower that helps the waking up process a little bit, she's off to class, arriving 5 minutes late because she stopped for coffee which was a necessity. Her classes go by in a haze. She has a radio station shift, which is not at all fun because Jesse is there and he's being awkward. Beca makes no move to talk to him. She doesn't have the energy today anyway. She just puts her headphones on, picks a playlist on her ipod, and gets to work. He takes the hint, thankfully. She's not looking forward to Bellas, but knows if she skipped it, that'd be enough reason for Aubrey to just boot her off and Chloe would give her another interrogation.

Chloe catches up with her, as she approaches the rehearsal space. "Hey you."

"Hey," Beca says, yawning.

"Missed you today. I texted you."

"Yeah, sorry. Busy day I guess."

"It's cool. Ready for practice?"

"I wouldn't dare go in any other way," Beca says dryly, earning a giggle from Chloe, which makes her smile. She can't help it.

Practice goes by without too much drama. Everyone pretty much acts like yesterday never happened. Aubrey ignores Beca, which is fine, since she doesn't have the energy to fight with her anyway.

"Okay ladies, that was a pretty good practice. Our last competition before the Finals is two days away, so we're going to take tomorrow off so you ladies can rest your voices and bodies." Everyone looks shocked, but nobody dares argue. "I expect you to work on anything you feel you need to on your own time though. Bus leaves at 6AM sharp on Saturday. Don't be late. Hands in aca-bitches!"

/

Chloe somehow convinces Beca to sleep over, sneaking her in after Aubrey goes to bed. She's got to play along that she's fine and that she was truthful the other night with Chloe, so she doesn't fight it.

It's God only know what o'clock and Beca lays on her back, wide awake. She looks down at the redhead tightly wrapped around her, still feeling a little ashamed for lying to Chloe. But she's not going to give up on Aubrey. She doesn't want to take matters into her own hands, but right now it's her only way of making Aubrey see, but it'd be a big risk. A risk that could cost her Chloe, if it doesn't go over well, because winning means so much to her too, it being her last year. That's probably a reason she can't bring herself to defy Aubrey, because in the back of her mind she doesn't really trust Beca with the success of the team. And it's not that she wants to take over the team, she just wants Aubrey to listen and work _with _her. And she shouldn't be mad at just Chloe, because the rest of the team won't cross Aubrey either. She thought at least Amy would back her up. She's approached everyone else on the team about changing the set up, and they all whole-heartedly agree with her, but no one will support her when she brings it up in practice. Maybe her ideas and mixes aren't that great. Maybe it's not everyone else, it's her. This sudden thought sits like a rock in her stomach, and she suddenly feels really uncomfortable. She slowly shimmies out of Chloe's arms, thankfully not disturbing her. Chloe stirs a little, but curls back up, sans Beca.

She gets ready as quietly as she can, throwing on her shoes and hoodie, throwing her phone and keys, which is all she brought with her, in her sweatshirt pouch. She decides to take advantage of Chloe sleeping, finding the bag of pills in her top dresser drawer, grabbing a few and stuffing them in her pocket. She closes the drawer, successfully without any noise, and heads to the door.

"Where are you going?" Chloe asks sleepily, startling Beca a little bit. So close.

"Sorry to wake you. I just need some air. I don't feel very well."

Chloe sits up on her elbows, squinting at her, and Beca tries not to smile at her adorable bed head.

"Beca, it's like 3 in the morning."

"Yea I know. I'm sorry Chloe, I just need to go, okay? Go back to bed."

Chloe studies her for a moment, but apparently decides not to argue. She lays back down, curling to one side and turning her back on Beca.

Beca sighs, and turns to leave. As she's about open the door, she turns back around and walks over to the bed. She leans down, pressing her lips to Chloe's temple, before whispering "I'm sorry" in her ear. Chloe doesn't move, or acknowledge her. She's probably mad at Beca, but she just needs to go, deciding on dealing with that later.

The air is cool, refreshing. She doesn't really know where to go, so she just starts walking. She's mad at herself for not grabbing her headphones and iPod before she left her room, but Chloe walked her to the apartment so there really wasn't a need. She finds herself at the radio station. There's a light on, so she checks to see who the night owl is.

"Hello?"

A figure appears from out behind one of the record shelves. Jesse.

"Oh...hey, Jesse." _Great._

"What are you doing here?"

"What are YOU doing here? It's like the middle of the night."

"I asked you first."

She rolls her eyes, huffing. "Couldn't sleep I guess. Went for a walk, ended up here."

"Oh..." he replies.

She raises her eyebrows in question at him, still wondering why he is here now too.

"OH...I was uh, just...um...I couldn't sleep either."

"If that's your story," she says, turning around to leave. "Alright well I'll let you get back to whatever you're doing."

"Wait!"

She stops, her back to him, debating on whether to turn around or not. Against her better judgement, she does, spinning around on her heels, looking back at Jesse.

"What?" she asks, a bit of a harsh tone to her voice.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm really sorry I kissed you. I shouldn't have just done it like that...so...I'm sorry."

Beca sighs. She could just walk away, leave him without an apology accepted...or move on.

"I forgive you."

"Really?"

"Would you rather I not?" she asks, annoyed.

"No! No...sorry, I just didn't expect it to be that easy."

"Yeah well...haven't really felt like myself lately, so take advantage."

"I don't want to take advantage of you, Beca. What do you mean by that though?"

"Nothing, forget it. Has Luke mentioned anything about who he's going to pick to fill the late shift?" she asks, changing the subject.

"Um, no...not to me anyways. I'm sure it's gonna be you, Bec. You're mixes are great, and you know the equipment, you deserve it."

"How do you know my mixes are great?"

"What?" Jesse asks, apparently confused.

"How do you know my mixes are great? I've never played them for you."

"Oh...I, uh..."

"Jesse..."

"Fine! I found some of the flash drives in the booth and listened to them!"

"Freshman aren't allowed in the booth."

"Since when were you a stickler for the rules?"

"Don't change the subject. I can't believe you did that!"

"What, go into the booth?"

Beca's impatience is growing by the second.

"Nooo...listen to them without asking me."

"Sorry, I guess I didn't think it was a big deal. They were just laying there...and I -

"And you what? _Wanted _to? In true Jesse form, you decide it upon yourself to just go ahead and do whatever the hell you want whenever you want! I gave Luke those mixes for HIM to hear!" she shouts.

"It's not like they were some big secret! What the hell does it matter if I listened to them?!" he yells back, matching her volume.

"Because I didn't give them to you to listen to!"

"Well then I'm sorry! I didn't do it to betray your trust or anything, I just wanted...I don't know...to have something from you, even though it technically wasn't _from you to me_. I just wanted a glimpse into the four-walled-wonder that is you. You don't share anything with me. God, Beca, why can't you just open yourself up to someone, anyone!? What's going to happen? Huh? What's the worst that could happen?! I like being your friend Beca, but you make it really freaking hard sometimes!"

"Well by all means, walk away! No one is stopping you! Especially not me!"

"You don't mean that."

"You'd be surprised." she responds harshly.

Jesse stands there, staring at her, wearing a pained and somewhat shocked expression. He steps towards her.

"You're telling me that this friendship doesn't really mean anything to you, and I could walk away right now and you wouldn't even blink? Is that what I'm hearing?"

Beca doesn't answer. Her face is scrunched up in anger and frustration. She wants to tell him that she would blink, she wants to open up to him, be able to reciprocate in the friendship. But, in true _Beca_ fashion, her words are stuck in her throat Jesse frowns, nodding his head.

"Wow, ok...I guess that's how it is." He snaches his backpack off the desk and walks right past Beca, without a word. She thinks he's going right out the door when she hears his voice again, a lot more calm than a few seconds ago. She doesn't turn around, just listens with her back to him.

"For the record, the day you decide to stop all your bullshit and give life and people a chance to be good to you, I think you'll be surprised. But that's up to you."

And with that he's gone. Beca just stands there, processing what the hell just happened. She has a sick feeling in her stomach. She's never seen Jesse look so hurt. Why does she keep doing this? All the evidence points to the fact that she's better off staying away from people and relationships, but what is she supposed to do when people pursue her, and want to be in her life? It's not her fault, they chose to stick around. And if they want to leave, that's on them too. She didn't ask for them to waltz in her life, take notice. Her phone buzzes.

The text from Chloe reads, _are you okay?_

She sighs, staring at the words on her phone. She decides to ignore the text, shoving the phone in her pocket.

_Just cut it off, Beca. Rip it off fast like a band-aid. It'll hurt, but only for a second. Let Chloe walk away now. Don't give her an option to stay. _

Beca heads back to her own room. It's still pretty early in the morning, and Kimmy Jin is surprisingly absent. She's relieved to have the place to herself though. She puts a mix on, crashing into her bed. She exhales, the exhaustion her body has been denying suddenly overwhelming her. She decides to pop a couple pills anyway, pulling them out of her pocket, taking 2 and, hastily putting the others on her desk. Next thing she knows, her alarm for her morning class is going off and she's jolted awake from a dead sleep, almost falling out of bed she's so startled.

"Argh!" she hears, even more startled because she didn't make that sound. Her eyes come into focus and there is Chloe, on the other side of the bed. She's holding her head, from where Beca must have hit her.

"What are you doing here?" Beca asks, not hiding the irritation in her voice. "And how in the hell do you even keep getting in here in the middle of the night?"

"I sleep better with you." she replies innocently. "I felt bad I ignored you when you left."

Beca sighs, closing her eyes for a moment. She feels Chloe shifting around and opens her eyes to find her inches from her face.

"Chlo-,"

Chloe stops her words with a kiss, her hands gripping the bed on either side of Beca. Beca knows she should stop this. She knows that this cannot lead to anything good. This isn't fair to her. This isn't fair to Chloe. But Chloe's lips feel so good on hers, and she is having a hard time thinking right now. Which is kind of freeing, now that she thinks about it. Oh the irony.

_Don't think, just do, Beca. Stop thinking. Chloe wants you, or at least she says she does. She is showing it to you right now by laying on top of you and kissing you._

Chloe wraps her arms around Beca's neck, their lips moving in tandem, in sync, instinctively. Beca wraps her arms around Chloe's waist, moving her hands up under her shirt. Chloe responds to her touch, thrusting her hips forward. Beca inhales, breaking the kiss for a moment. Chloe giggles, and brings their lips together again. Chloe's tongue begs for an invitation and Beca opens up her mouth to her, taking Chloe in. Chloe continues the slow movement on top of Beca, breaking their lips apart and moving down to kiss her stomach. Chloe pushes her shirt up as she kisses a trail from Beca's bellybutton up, Beca lifting up so her shirt can come all the way off, Chloe tossing it aside. She emits soft moans as Chloe continues the trail of kisses up her stomach and chest. "Come here," Beca whispers, wanting Chloe's lips back on hers and the redhead obeys. Chloe moans into her mouth and she wraps her arms around the redhead, as if trying to fuse their bodies together.

"I love you so much," Chloe breaths out in between kisses.

Beca groans. "Stop," she whispers out. "Please don't say that." Chloe brings their lips together, biting down softly on Beca's lip.

"It's true, though," she says breathlessly.

Beca can feel tears coming up. She knows her voice will break if she tries to say anything, so she just captures Chloe's lips in a kiss.

But Chloe breaks away, hovering over Beca and smiling. "I'm serious Beca, I really love you!"

"I wish you wouldn't say things like that."

"Why? They're true. And I like to remind you how great you are, especially since you're so eager to tear yourself down."

"I guess I just don't see what you see."

"Maybe you should get your vision checked," Chloe teases.

"Yeah...maybe," Beca says, looking away.

Chloe rolls off Beca, laying on her side, head propped up on her elbow. She looks like she wants to say something, but Beca doesn't give her a chance.

"I'm really tired. Can we maybe just go back to sleep?"

"Sure," Chloe says quietly. Beca turns her back to Chloe, curling up into herself. She feels a light kiss on the back of her shoulder, before sleep overcomes her.


	5. Chapter 5

**[f.y. to the i. - this is picking up right where the last chapter ended]**

"_Beca, don't you love me?" Chloe cries, her cheeks wet with tears. She can't answer. She opens her mouth up but no sound comes out. "Why can't you just tell me you love me? I don't understand." Chloe falls to her knees, her sobs echoing around them. "You can't say it can you? You can't even form the words. " Beca kneels down in front of Chloe, taking her face in her hands, wiping the tears away. _

"_I...I..." Her words are stuck in her throat. _

"_I just wanted you to love me, Beca," Chloe sobs. "I needed you to love me. But it hurts too much. I can't make you do anything you don't want to do. Or feel anything you don't want to feel." _

"_Chloe..."_

"_I can't do this anymore. I can't carry this relationship. It's too much. You're breaking my heart!"_

_Beca closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and opens her eyes again. But Chloe is gone. And she can't blame her. But it doesn't stop the pain from stabbing her in the chest, rippling throughout her whole body. "I'm sorry," she whispers, tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry. I do love you. I do..."_

"_No you don't. You did the right thing." a familiar voice booms in her head, knocking the wind out of her. _

She's jolted awake, finding herself sitting upright, soaked with sweat, and panting. The nightmare getting the best of her again. She knows it was just a nightmare. It wasn't real. But she knows herself and she _knows_ that is exactly what is going to happen. It's just who she is. She can't possibly return the love she's given. She's too broken. Everything seeping through her cracks, leaving her empty. Chloe is awake too, rubbing her back, wrapping her arms around her. Beca shakes her off, getting out of bed. She paces the room for a minute or so. Chloe just watches her, not saying anything. Beca stops, turning abruptly to face the redhead on her bed. She opens and opens and closes her mouth, no audible words forming.

"I think you should go," she finally says.

Chloe looks taken aback. "What?"

"I think you should go. I...I don't want you here anymore."

"Is this a joke? Because if it is, it's not funny."

The look on Chloe's face is almost enough to make her shut her mouth and no go on with this. _But it's for the best. It's for the best. She and Chloe won't work. She and Chloe can't work. _

"I'm not joking. I've been leading you on, and I shouldn't have. Because I don't have feelings for you. You deserve someone better than me, someone who...feels the same. I'm sorry...but I can't do this. With you."

Tears are forming in Chloe's eyes, her expression a mix of anger and hurt. She gets up and walks right up to Beca.

"You're telling me you have NO feelings for me? That the past however many months have been a lie? That _this_," her voice a little louder as she motions between the two of them, "has been for nothing, except for you to just crap out on it here and now?"

Beca swallows hard, keeping calm, but screaming on the inside that she doesn't mean anything she is saying, that she might just return the very same feelings Chloe has for her, in a big way. She looks away, but Chloe grabs her face, jerking it back to face her.

"You look me in the eye, Beca Mitchell, and you tell me you don't love me, or...or that you won't ever be able to. Cause I know even if you do, you might not be able to say it right now, but if you think there's a CHANCE that this is something worth sticking around for and that you _could_ say "I love you" to me with all your heart at some point in our future, then just say it and I'll stick by you. But if you don't...you look me in the eye right now and say it to me." Chloe's voice breaks at the end of that, but she has a bit of a wild look in her eye, part desperation, part anguish, part anger, part...

Beca clenches her jaw together, willing her face to look impassive as she barely holds herself together. She's worried she'll crack the second she looks back into Chloe's eyes, but she has to be convincing. It's now or never. Chloe deserves to be happy and she can't be the source of that happiness.

"I don't love you, Chloe. And I...won't ever love you. Not the way you want me to."

Chloe's face drops, and she takes a step back, faltering a bit as Beca's words wash over her.

"I...I don't understand," she says, now starting to cry. Beca wants to wrap her arms around her, tell her she doesn't mean any of it, and hold on tight. But she won't. She can't. "How could you do this to me?! You've _broken_ my heart. You've broken it, Beca! And the pieces are in your hand you have so tightly clenched."

"Chloe, I..."

"No! I don't want or need to hear anything else from you. I don't -."

Something has suddenly caught Chloe's attention behind her. Chloe stares at it for a moment, an unreadable, but upsetting expression on her face. Beca slowly turns around, her eyes immediately finding what she knows has to be what Chloe is looking at. She turns back, guiltily biting her bottom lip.

"I can explain," she begins to say, but Chloe is cutting her off.

"No. You don't get to. You promised me, Beca. You _promised_."

And before Beca knows it, the door is being slammed shut behind her and she's left alone. She falls to the floor, the tears finally escaping, carving out a trail down her face, and soon she's sobbing, her body shaking with grief. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," she repeats over and over like a mantra. "I love you so much but I can't. I can't..." She wants nothing more than to disappear, go back in time so that she never existed, and never had the chance to hurt Chloe like this, hurt herself like this. She doesn't know how long she's crumpled on the floor when she feels the presence of another person, attempting to lift her up off the ground.

"Easy does it, B," Amy says, "let's get you off the floor."

"Just leave me here!" she shouts through the sobs.

"No, I'm not going to just leave you here!" Amy yells back. "Come on now...just get up on the bed at least." Beca doesn't budge and soon she's being dragged up onto the bed.

"It's a good thing you're tiny. Now, what is going on?!" Amy asks. "I'm guessing something went down with you and ginger because I just saw her storming through the quad, and she looked hella pissed. What happened?"

"I ended it. I told Chloe I didn't, couldn't, love her."

"And you mean that, do you?"

"YES! I'm no good for her Amy, I don't know why she wants me...she's just caught up in some stupid crush. I'm just speeding up the inevitable."

"I think you're being really stupid," Amy says bluntly. "Just give it a chance!"

"I'm not big on chances."

"Well you're going to go through life being pretty miserable living like that."

"Yea well last I checked it's my right as a free fucking American to live my life as miserable as I want."

Amy shakes her head, exasperated. Beca knows she's being stupid and stubborn, but this is the choice she's making and it is what it is.

"It'll get old real fast, Beca. That girl is in love with you and you're just being a dick."

"Well as much as I'd like to sit here and listen to all your support and encouragement, I have shit to do, so...there's the door."

"This is bullshit Beca, and you know it," Amy says, standing up to leave. "See you tomorrow."

"Uh yea, I'm not going. You really think I'm bout to go perform some lame-ass routine we're not going to win with, _with _Chloe, after what just went down? Aubrey will probably murder me before tomorrow anyway, depending on when she talks to Chloe."

"B, you can't just not show up. We're a team. The routine is based on _everyone. _We may not be able to win with Aubrey's routine, but we definitely won't if you're not there."

"I'm sure you'll manage."

"Are you for real?"

"Not so much in a joking mood right now, so yea I'd say I am."

"Wow. You really are a dick."

"Yeah, so I hear."

Amy leaves without another word, making sure to slam the door behind her. Beca cringes at the noise, sure her neighbors probably hate her for the multiple screaming matches and door slams this early and close together. But she doesn't really give a shit about anything right now. She shoves her laptop and headphones in her backpack, grabbing her keys and phone, and stomps out of her room.

She heads towards the radio station, knowing Jesse definitely won't be there, to get some quiet and hopefully some work done. She's also hoping to just hide out until who knows when, glad she doesn't have to deal with not showing up for rehearsal. Her heart drops to her stomach, when she sees Aubrey charging towards her, looking quite scary.

"Aubrey, before you -" _SLAP!_

Beca sees stars for a moment, her cheek stinging. "Fuuuck...what the - "

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Aubrey interrupts.

"Look Aubrey, I know you're pissed but did you really have to hit me?"

"Oh cry me a river," she scoffs. "What the hell, Beca? How could you do that to her? What were you thinking?"

"That I don't live in some fantasy world like she does and that this is reality, and _in_ reality, there's no me and her! We don't work in real life!"

"And this is something that just dawned on you? And you felt the need to just go ahead and share these feelings out of the blue with her? She's crushed!"

"Better now than later. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go. Good luck tomorrow."

The moment those last 3 words come out, she regrets it. _Stupid._ She pauses, bracing for the explosion.

"What do you mean, _good luck_? You not only managed to crush my best friend's heart, but now you're screwing over the team too? Oh no, Beca Mitchell, you most certainly do not get to just bail on this too. You will be there tomorrow, and you _will_ perform with us or I might just have a little chat with dear ol' dad."

"Go ahead! Honestly, I could give a shit. I should have never come here anyway. I'm going to LA with or without his help. Goodbye Aubrey." And with that she pushes past, leaving a seething Aubrey in her wake.

"Coward!"

Upon hearing that she turns on her heel, charging back up to Aubrey, leaving little space between them.

"You know what, Aubrey, yes I may be a coward, but at least I can admit it!"

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know the Bellas need to change! You know the setlist is boring! I know you know! But you're too scared to even consider my ideas are good. You're too scared to give up control. You're too scared to take a risk that...that has the possibility to be so amazing! You _can't_ even _admit_ that my ideas are worth anything. We could be so much better, Aubrey!"

Aubrey's jaw is clenched, her fists in tight balls, as she stares Beca down.

"No," Aubrey bites out. "The setlist is fine _just_ the way it is."

Beca lets out an exasperated sigh, shaking her head. "You really believe that?!"

"Yes," Aubrey replies through gritted teeth.

"Well then you're not only a coward, but a liar as well."

"You know what, Beca? Before you start spewing out unwanted advice, maybe you should start taking your own!"

"What?"

"Are you really that thick?"

Beca crosses her arms, staring back at Aubrey, who scoffs at her lack of response.

"You call me a coward but you are doing the same thing with Chloe!"

"A-ha! So you admit you're wrong!"

"No, we're not talking about me! You tell me I'm too scared to take a risk on something you deem could be amazing, but you go and fuck it up with Chloe because you're too damn scared too! Even though deep down you _want_ to be with her! I've seen you two together. She is in love with you! And I know you love her, anyone with eyes can see it! So maybe before you should take a good long look in the mirror before you start throwing out accusations!"

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," Beca says flatly.

"God you're impossible. Maybe Chloe is better off without you."

"Fuck you, Aubrey."

"I'll pass."

They stand there, squared off, Aubrey towering over Beca. Neither speaks, the air between them tense and stubborn. It's Aubrey who speaks first, her tone now softer than Beca expected, but frustration still written all over her face.

Why can't you just admit it? I don't understand." Aubrey then stops for a moment, her expression less angered, her next sentence almost a plea. "Why can't you just be with Chloe?" Her unexpectedly soft tone on that last question causes Beca to falter a little bit. Aubrey steps closer to her, her voice remaining calm. "Chloe's the best person I know. She doesn't just do things for no reason. Not with things or people she actually cares about. She's not just experimenting or trying you on or whatever. If that's what you're scared of."

"I'm _not_ scared," she says through gritted teeth, refusing to accept the olive branch Aubrey was apparently suddenly offering up. "Why do you even care?" she bites back instead.

"Because she's my best friend! I would do anything to make her happy, even if it's putting up with your dumbass. And _you_ make her happy...at least you used to. All she wants is you. Why can't you give her that? WHY?"

She's unable to answer, still taken aback by the sudden shift in their conversation. She closes her eyes tight in attempt to calm her mind, but she can feel the lies building up in her head in response to Aubrey's question.

"Because I _can't_," is all she can say, her voice breaking at the end of it. And with that Beca walks away as fast as she can, Aubrey's words still ringing in her ears, ricocheting around in her head.

/

She successfully hides at the station for the duration of the day, feeling miserable but is able to catch up on homework and work on some mixes. Aubrey's words are never far from her mind. Neither is the look on Chloe's face when she broke her heart. She lets her head fall on the desk, groaning in frustration, anger, and regret. _What if they can work? _she begins to think. _What if this thing with Chloe isn't some big trick ending in her humiliation and own heartache that the universe is playing on her? Why can't she shake the feeling that this is all wrong, that she's all wrong? Why can't she just think clear for a moment? Her mind is filled with so many other thoughts that aren't her own and it's so confusing. What does SHE want? What does she believe? _

It's a little past 8 PM when she picks up her phone, typing words she doesn't want to type to a person she really doesn't want to see, but she can't shake the feeling that she needs to go to the source of a lot of this.

_Can we talk?_

_Sure. Come on over. Everything okay?_

_Not really. I'll see you soon._

/

She knocks on the door, taking a deep breath before doing wrapping her knuckles 3 times against the dark wood. The door opens after only a few moments.

"Hey Bec."

"Hey Dad."

"Come on in," he says, moving aside, motioning for her to enter.

Beca enters the house, feeling a little awkward.

"I just made some coffee. Want to head to the kitchen?" He says, following behind her.

"Coffee sounds great."

Sheila, her stepmother, is finishing up some dishes in the kitchen when they enter. She looks up, over her glasses.

"Beca. Nice to see you."

"Sheila."

Her dad gets out the coffee mugs, setting them on the table. "So, Beca, what's on your mind?" He asks, filling them up.

Beca eyes Sheila, then looks back over at her father. "Um...can we maybe talk...just us?"

"Honey, do you mind giving us some privacy?"

"Take your time," she replies, leaving them alone.

"So...what do I owe the pleasure? Haven't heard from you in a while."

"Sorry to interrupt your night."

"You know I don't mean it like that. Can't we just talk? Like we used to, remember?"

"You mean when I was 5? Pretty sure my choice of conversation has changed since then. Maybe if you stuck around..."

Dr. Mitchell sighs, running his hands through his hair.

"Bec...how long am I going to be paying for my mistakes? I'm sorry I left. But I'm here now...doesn't that count for something?"

"You don't get it, do you? You don't know what it was like when you ditched me and mom! You gave up, then she gave up, and now I'm just like both of you - a quitter!"

15 seconds. That's about how long it took for them to get to this point. Not the record, but close.

"What do you mean you're a quitter? If you're talking about quitting school..."

"Unbelievable," she says shaking her head.

"Then what _are_ you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how...how I can't say and be certain things I want to because all I think about is how I wasn't good enough for you to stick around and there must have been a good reason for that, because you're my _dad_ and dads don't just up and leave their daughters! Especially when their mom is losing her mind!"

Dr. Mitchell moves to grab Beca's shoulders, but she takes a step back, so he drops his arms to his side, looking at her with a pained expression.

"B it wasn't _you_ I was getting away from, I didn't want to leave you! There's things you don't know that were going on between your mother and I, and with me. Things...you weren't ready to take on at the time. Stuff that stayed just under the surface, but had been there for a long time. I really did love your mom...once...we just, lost our way I guess. And she never quite recovered..."

"Well I don't want to love someone, and then 'lose my way' as you so poetically put it. I've got mom's crazy and your inability to commit to anything intimate or emotional. People are just lining up to be my friend."

"One day you're going to have to stop blaming me and your mom for the choices you make."

"But YOU'RE the reason I make those choices!"

"So rise above that. Be better than we were."

She scoffs, her frustration rising. "Easier said than done."

"Yes, but some of the best things in life are also the hardest to maintain."

"Can we not turn this into a classic Dr. Mitchell lecture? I just need you to listen to me and talk back to me like a normal dad! "

"Sorry it's hard to turn off. Look, Bec, I know I can't change what I did, and I'll regret the way I handled things for the rest of my life, but there must be a reason you came here tonight, other than to fight with me."

"Maybe that's exactly what I wanted, dad! " She clenches her jaw, keeping her emotions at bay. "_You_ left. You found someone better to devote yourself to and you just left us, without a second thought. How does a dad do that to his daughter? To his wife?"

She can see the pain in her father's eyes as he contemplates his answer. He had to know he'd have to answer for his actions one of these days.

"Beca, I, -" he begins, his normal stoic demeanor crumbling right in from of her. She's never seen him look this lost and sad. "I need you to believe it wasn't _you_ I was leaving. I knew about your mom's condition before we got married, and I had this fantasy that I could save her. That if I loved her enough, she'd be okay. And it seemed to work for a while. But then...she started being not so okay anymore. She was a different person off her meds. She wasn't the woman I fell in love with. And when she refused to take them, she became that person I didn't recognize on a full time basis. And I was foolish for handling it the way I did, but part of me thought if I left and all she had was you, she'd be better...she'd be better for you. Because she had to. But I underestimated her illness and I shouldn't have done that. And when your mom went over the edge for the last time, I knew it was all my fault. Beca I'm so sorry you had to go through that, that you had to find her like that. I never meant to leave you...I was a coward and you suffered because of it. I love you so much, B. You make me so proud. I know that we have a long way to go, that it might take a long time to forgive me, if you even want to, but I'm here to stay this time. No matter how hard it gets."

Tears have already begun to stream down her face, but she doesn't try to suppress them, instead allowing the pain and sorrow to overwhelm her, as she begins to cry, leaning into her dad and letting him hold her. They stay like that for a while, and there's no denying she's been craving this for a long time. "I just don't want to be like this anymore," she cries. "I don't want to be angry and scared and unsure and feeling like...I'm going to _lose my mind_!" And that brings her to the question she really wants to ask but has been too afraid of saying it out loud. She steps back from her father's arms, wiping her face dry as her breaths even out. She looks back at her father, the same pain mirrored in each others' eyes.

"Do you think I'm crazy? Like mom."

Instead of a hurried "no," she's met with silence and still sad eyes.

"I am aren't I?"

"No! No, you're not crazy, Bec. Please believe that. I know my credibility is pretty much shot with you, but believe me on this. What you're mom had, you don't. You're stronger than her. You're better than she was, even on her best days. And if you don't believe me, we can talk to someone, a professional. If you want."

She opens her mouth for a retort, but that last bit caught her off guard.

"Wait, what?"

"I'll take you to talk to someone. If you think it will help you...deal with whatever is going on."

"Because you don't want to deal with me?! Just like last time." she says accusingly.

"...No," he replies cautiously, "I just think you need some perspective that I can't give you, and that you _want_ to listen to. And also to run the proper tests so we can find out from a _professional _just out un-crazy you are."

She bites her lip, thinking this over. The thought of talking to a shrink makes her cringe, but she's a little desperate, clearly, since she ended up at here tonight.

"Only if you want though," he adds after a few moments of silence. "What do you think?"

Beca takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I think that I...keep messing up. I keep messing everything up. I keep letting all these things get the best of me...all these things that have happened to me, that I couldn't control, that really hurt me...and I keep letting them win. I get a glimpse of the light, but the darkness is always there to overcome me, overwhelm me with all the reasons why I deserve to stay in this darkness. And I don't know how to stop it. It's getting worse and tonight it beat me in a big way. I may have ruined one of the best things to happen to me. All because these lines keep getting blurred and I can't get it through my head that it's okay to want these things I want and be this person I want to be. Be _with_ this person I want to be with. And I keep thinking it all comes back to you. Because you wouldn't come home sometimes, you wouldn't talk to me, it was like you couldn't see me...and then one day you were gone for good. And I was left to fend for myself. But I was weak, like mom. And you weren't there to protect me."

She looks at her father, who looks really small to her in this moment. She's spent so much time and energy blaming him, being so mad at him, that she forgot what it was like to freely want his love and have it be returned - the way a little girl loves her daddy and he'll do anything for her. The moment he didn't come back for her, was the moment her heart broke for the first time.

"I'm here now and I want to help...so, think about it."

Beca nods, not knowing what else to say.. "Ok well, I should go."

"Big show tomorrow, right?"

"How do you know?"

"I keep up with what you're doing even when you don't tell me. I'm really trying here, Bec."

"Well I won't be there. I kind of quit tonight..."

Dr. Mitchell tries to keep his cool, closing his eyes for a moment, breathing in and out.

"Why did you do that?" He asks calmly.

"Long story," she mutters.

"Care to share?"

"Not really."

"Beca, I think you need to fix whatever you did."

"Why would you assume _I'm _the one that needs to fix it?" she says defensively.

"Sorry...didn't mean to assume. But _is_ there anything you need to do on your end?"

"Maybe... Truthfully, I think I did some irreversible damage."

He looks at her sadly. She slumps down on the nearest chair, putting her face in her hands, a loud groan escaping from her mouth.

"I really screwed up dad," she mumbles into her hands.

He takes a seat next to her, laying his hand gently on her shoulder.

"I'm sure there's a way to fix it."

She lifts her head up, meeting his eyes. "Yeah...turn back time and make me a mute so I can't say all the stupid things I said."

"Did you mean them?"

"No. I thought I was doing the right thing. Means to an end, ya know. It'll hurt now, but it's for the best. That's what I kept telling myself. Too bad I was listening to an idiot."

"You're not an idiot."

"I sure acted like one."

"All you can do is try. So start there."

She doesn't know what to do. If she shows up tomorrow, it's going to be super weird not only with Chloe, but Aubrey and Amy too. This is provided Aubrey even lets her join them tomorrow, and forgets about their screaming match in the quad for the sake of the team. She doesn't know if she could bare to look at Chloe though. Slap a smile on her face and get through the routine.

"So are you definitely not going tomorrow? I was looking forward to seeing you," he asks, interrupting her thoughts.

"I don't know...I don't even know if Aubrey will let me go, even if I begged and pleaded. She might be stubborn about it, to teach me a lesson or something."

"Well...do what you think you need to do. And then accept that decision and move on."

She looks at her dad, offering a smile, nodding her head in acknowledgement.

"I should go." She grabs her bag, and heads towards the door, her dad following behind. Once there, she turns around to face him. "Thanks, um, for talking."

"Thanks for letting me listen. I know you probably didn't want to be here, doing this tonight."

"Definitely not my first choice," she says, feeling a little awkward. "Ok, well...see ya."

"See you," he says opening the door. She's a few steps out when he calls her name.

"Oh and Beca?"

"Hmm?" she says, turning around.

"I love you."

Her stomach churns a little bit. She hasn't heard him say that to her in a while. It feels strange.

"Ok dad," is all she can say, paired with a weak smile. She quickly turns back around, one question on her mind now.

"_What the hell do I do now?"_


	6. Chapter 6

Wandering aimlessly through campus, Beca Mitchell thinks about...well, everything, more specifically, how she got to this point in her life. When the doors to the rehearsal space are unexpectedly unlocked, she doesn't hesitate making her way inside and finding the piano. Her fingers run back and forth along the keys, eventually finding familiar chords, the ghosts of her past screaming out from each note she plays. She used to play piano for her mother when she was struggling against having a bad episode, and it became a consistent calming mechanism. Playing the piano in her house meant pain because there was a war waging in her mother's head, but it also meant joy because it could bring her mother back to her. As the music progressed, she could see the physical transformation in her mom as she calmed down. She hasn't played since her mother died, taking up guitar instead as she still wanted to play music, it just needed to be in a different way, which is also how she taught herself how to make mashups and mixes.

It's almost like a reflex when she starts playing, she can't help it. It's painful, like a punch to the gut as memories flood her mind. But it's almost like a cleanse, cathartic and full of release, a detox for her mind and body, the pain seeping out through her pores with each passing note and lyric.

_I took my love and I took it down_

_I climbed a mountain and I turned around_

_And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills_

_'Till the landslide brought me down_

_Oh, mirror in the sky_

_What is love?_

_Can the child within my heart rise above?_

_Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?_

_Can I handle the seasons of my life?_

_Mmm Mmm..._

_Well, I've been afraid of changing_

_'Cause I've built my life around you_

_But time makes you bolder_

_Children get older_

_I'm getting older too_

_Well, I've been afraid of changing_

_'Cause I've built my life around you_

_But time makes you bolder_

_Children get older_

_I'm getting older too_

_So, take my love, take it down_

_Oh climb a mountain and turn around_

_If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills_

_Well the landslide will bring you down, down_

_And If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills_

_Well maybe the landslide will bring it down_

_Oh oh, the landslide will bring it down_

"What am I going to do?" she wonders aloud. She thought once she cut things off with Chloe, she would feel a sense of relief, like she was off the hook, not responsible for those emotions anymore. But her actions proved the exact opposite, like ripples in the water after a pebble is thrown, her poor judgement reached out farther and farther touching everyone around her. The conversation with her father the only positive outcome. They were able to air things that for years have been repressed under a mask of pride.

She knows she can't fix anything with Aubrey and Chloe tonight, and since they have such an early morning, she wouldn't dare keep them (Aubrey) up. Deciding the only thing she can do tonight is try and get some sleep, she gets up to leave only to be startled by another presence in the room. The figure steps forward revealing itself to be Jesse.

"Jesse you scared the hell out of me!"

"Sorry," he shrugs, clearly unbothered.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"A bit."

The awkwardness is palpable, the silence suffocating.

"I have to go," Jesse suddenly says, turning on his heels.

"Jesse, wait!"

He hesitates for a moment, but continues ahead.

"Please!" she shouts and this time he stops. "Please," she repeats again, quieter now. She sees his shoulders move up and down in a heavy sigh. "Please, Jesse." When he still doesn't turn around, a wave of regret washes over her, knowing their last conversation is probably all he is remembering right now. What does she have to do to make this right? Can she even do that? Will he let her?

"I have to get up early."

It takes her a moment to comprehend what he says, not expecting him to even be saying anything right now or still remain in the room.

"Huh?"

"I have to get up early, so," he begins, finally turning to face her, "make it quick."

"Oh...right..." she says, suddenly finding her mouth very dry. "Um..."

"Forget it," he says, and turns back around.

"Wait!" she yells, her feet moving towards him on their own accord, her body rounding his so they are face to face. She takes a deep breath as she searches his face for an indication of forgiveness.

"Ok so...I, uh...I'm not good at this whole human connection thing. And I know that's not an excuse for the way I acted, but it's a reason. I'm sorry for snapping at you and yelling at you and well, I'm just sorry for everything. I've pretty much managed to screw up everything good in my life in the last 24 hours. And I understand if you don't accept my apology, that's your choice, but I _am_ sorry and I just needed you to know that."

Jesse just looks at her, almost like he's studying her, his forehead furrowed, no response on his lips.

"Okay well I'll just go..."

"Ok, I forgive you."

"What?"

"I forgive you," he repeats, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"Wow, okay...this is weird. I didn't expect it to go like this. I'm not really sure what to do now."

"And how did you expect it to go?"

"I don't know, I thought there'd be some back and forth yelling involved, or at least a more convincing argument from me."

"I really don't like fighting with you. I've missed my friend," he says with a sad smile.

"I've missed you too." She laughs to herself, eliciting a confused look from Jesse. He raises an eyebrow in question.

"Why did you have to go an make this easy? Now I have unrealistic expectations."

"Sorry," he says chuckling. "I can yell at you if you want."

"No I'm sure I'll be getting that from a few select others. And unfortunately, they wouldn't be out of line."

"What's going on?"

"Believe it or not, I have a lot more apologizing to do. And it's a little overwhelming because I have a feeling it's not going to go as quick and easy as it did here with you."

"Aubrey?"

Beca snorts, chuckling at his automatic assumption that she got into it with Aubrey.

"Yeah that's one. Out of 3 more, at least. I think I'm just going to move away, leave the country. I can't do this. It might kill me."

"What's going to kill you? Besides Aubrey.

"Well, you see...the thing is...I'vebeenkissingChloe!" she blurts out.

"You what?"

"I've, um, been...kissing...Chloe...?"

"Oh..."

"Yeah..."

"So...kissing Chloe is going to kill you?"

"Something like that."

Jesse gives her a confused look. "Care to elaborate?"

"I guess it's not about just kissing her. While that's great, really great actually, I could see myself with her, like just her, for a long time. And that scares me. Feeling that much for one person. I don't know what to do with that. She told me she loves me, Jesse. But I couldn't say it back. Instead I said some terrible things."

"Do you want to tell her you love her back?"

"More than anything," she says breathlessly, surprising herself with the confession. She groans and hangs her head. "I really screwed things up with her," she says softly, her eyes downcast.

"How so?"

"I said some terrible things. I lied right to her face, thinking I was doing the right thing. I think I broke her heart, Jesse. How do I fix that?"

He exhales, rubbing the back of his neck, thinking. "Um...well a grand gesture works in the movies. You could try that."

"Or not!" He amends seeing the look she's giving him. "Just an idea...okay what about just apologizing? Like an all-pride-out-the- window, undignified, balls to the wall apology."

"Balls to the wall?" she asks, arching her eyebrow.

"You know what I mean. Go all in."

"Yikes," she exhales.

"But what if it works? Would it be worth it?"

"Yes, but..."

"And if it doesn't," he adds cutting her off, "would it still be worth it?"

She thinks about it for a moment. What if she laid it all out there in front of Chloe, everything, every single bit of everything Beca has to give her. And apologizes. What if she did that, but it was too late and Chloe didn't want to fix it. Would it be worth it?

"Y-es. Because I'm sick of living in silence and unspoken things. And because Chloe deserves the truth from me, even if I don't get anything out of it."

"Ok then. Make it happen!"

She chuckles at his enthusiasm, shaking her head.

"Can I do this, Jesse?"

"Yes. Just remember that you're worth it, no matter her reaction, okay?"

"Worth it...yeah," she whispers, thinking about that early morning conversation in the coffee shop with Chloe.

"By the way, you sounded great earlier."

"Oh...heard that did ya?"

"I heard you when I was passing by on my way home from my shift at the station."

"I haven't played in a while actually," she says, looking down at her feet.

"Well it was pretty amazing. I actually felt a bit guilty for listening, like I was intruding on something."

"Just reminds me of some not so great times, I guess. But at the same time, some of the best moments were due to me singing and playing a piano."

Jesse smiles at her, looking a little conflicted since the topic elicited both happy and sad memories.

"Ok, well I'll let you get some rest," Beca says, breaking the semi-awkward silence.

"See you tomorrow?"

"Yea about that..."

"You're going right?"

"I um..."

"You're bailing!?"

"I don't think I'd even be welcome to be honest, and...and I can't face Chloe tomorrow, not there, not for the first time since everything went down."

He shakes his head, clearly disappointed. "You should go. You can't let your team down."

"Well wouldn't it be an advantage to you that I'm not there, so what do you care?"

"Really?"

"Sorry...sorry...God, see!? I can't do this. I'm not going to make anything better. I'm going to mess it up the second Chloe gives me the time of day, which I don't even deserve, she says, getting herself worked up, all the doubts crowding her thoughts again.

"Whoa, calm down, Beca. That's not going to happen."

"Yes it is. I was stupid for even thinking I still had a chance. Maybe...I don't know...maybe I should just take myself out of the equation."

He narrows his eyes at her, noticeably taken aback. "What do you mean?"

"Leave." And never come back.".

"As in leave Barden?"

"I don't belong here, Jesse! I never have."

"Yes you do, don't say that."

"It doesn't feel that way. Feels like I've screwed everything up and the best this is for me to just go."

"Beca, -"

"I have to go."

He catches her hand before she can walk out the door.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asks, worry etched on his face. "You can stay with me tonight if you want. You know if...you don't want to be alone."

"Don't worry, I'm fine," she replies coolly.

"Okay. Call me though, if you need anything. Promise you'll call."

She nods and offers a smile before crossing the threshold, leaving Jesse behind. When she gets back to her room, exhaustion suddenly overwhelms her body in every sense - mentally, physically, emotionally. Her mind won't shut off though. Every last word, gesture, emotion, and expression buzzing around in her brain, the conversations playing over and over again. Around and around. But her eyes are heavy...she should take something; the pills are right behind her on the desk...but she's already drifting off...

_You did the right thing, Beca. You're better off without her. You only need me. I'll never leave you, not like everyone else. You're nothing without me anyway. You everything you are because of me. Give into me. They're all liars. Jesse. Aubrey. Your dad. Amy. Chloe. She's the worst of them all because she almost made you believe you could be with her. You CAN'T be with her. I have your heart. I took it. I hold it in my hands. Just give in to ME. _

She feels a pang in her stomach as she jolts awake, because for the past several times that a nightmare has interrupted her sleep, Chloe has been there to calm her down. But tonight the other side of the bed is empty and cold. She's at least still alone in her room, as Kimmy Jin must be sleeping over somewhere else, so she doesn't have to worry about disturbing her. She falls back down on her bed, anger rising up as she stares at the ceiling. She's sick and tired of these nightmares. Of the control _he_ still has over her. She doesn't know what triggered it but they've come back in full swing since she got to Barden.

"I can't do this anymore!" she yells, as tears start to fall down her face. "I can't live like this!"

She gets up off the bed, pacing back and forth, her fists clenched at her side. The voices pick back up. "_I'm still here. Always. Why would you want to get rid of me? I'm always with you. I'm apart of you now. You need me. Forget about Chloe. Forget about everything. You don't need them anyway. You're better off with me. Me and you. I picked you. I picked you out. You. Isn't that what you always wanted? To be picked, wanted, desired? Well you have it, with me. So STOP FIGHTING! Give up. Give it all up, to me. You know what to do. The right thing. _

She puts her hands over her ears, the voice almost so close and audible, it feels so real. She drops to her knees, rocking back and forth "You can't hurt me anymore! This is MY life. Not yours. You're a liar and I don't have to listen to you anymore!"

She's sobbing as she yells out these declarations. She hears the laughter again, mocking her. She feels like she's going to throw up or pass out or die or all of the above. She just needs some balance in her life, these extremes have to stop. One minute she's ok, then not, then definitely not, then maybe happy, or content rather, then back to feeling like she's going to explode. How can one person go through so many different emotions in a short amount of time, sometimes within one conversation? That's not normal. Her dad was probably just trying to make her feel better. She probably is just as crazy as her mom. Worse. She can remember the days before. When everything was good. Her mom was good. The best, really. Then she changed. Something happened. And her dad left. Then her mom left her too. And _he_ happened. Beca was so angry, but now she can kind of understand, the desperation of just wanting it all to stop. Make her own peace. Her dad didn't know what to do with her afterwards. But she ended up here. And then Chloe happened. And her life was turned upside down again, but in an entirely different way, yet the same way. Ugh, how can that be?! She curls up into a ball, shaking, crying. She hears her name being called and the sound of something being hit hard multiple times. She ignores it, knowing it's just in her head. Her crazy head. And it needs to stop. She sees his face. It's right in front of her. His sneer, his hazy eyes, his hot breath on her face. She can smell him, his scent, and it punches her in the stomach. She's back in that place, with him. But she's different this time. When he grabs her by her shoulders, pushing her against the wall, she's ready to push back, slamming him back against the wall behind him. He laughs, enjoying the struggle, but knowing he'll eventually overtake her. She yells at him, all the things she couldn't say before, or ever. Until now. She's yelling and crying. She shakes him, but he keeps laughing. She pushes him down on the ground, getting on top of him, ready to wipe that stupid sneer of his face. But she hears something that stops her in her tracks. It's Chloe's voice, yelling her name. "Beca, stop, it's me! Beca! Beca!"

She whips her head side to side, looking for the redhead, when she realizes the voice is coming from the body below her. Her eyes widen in terror. She slowly looks down to see Chloe beneath her, eyes wide, mouth agape. She yells Beca's name again. Beca looks up to see she's in her dorm room. There's no alley, no him. Just her, in her room, on top of a terrified Chloe. She gasps, tearing herself off of the redhead, backing into the corner, trying to catch her breath. Chloe sits up, and crawls over to Beca. She flinches when Chloe touches her, so she backs off. She huddles in corner, trying to wrap her mind around what is happening. She takes in the room, reminding herself where she is. She looks down at her hands, which are shaking like the rest of her. She looks over at the person kneeling in front of her, looking like she has no idea what the hell to do. She's not alone, because Beca has no idea what the hell to do either. She closes her eyes, tight, trying to sort things out. She replays the day.

Lying in her bed with Chloe, Chloe yelling, Amy yelling, Aubrey yelling, talking with her dad, talking with Jesse, coming back here to go to bed...being that 16-year-old girl in that alley again, seeing his face, feeling his hands and body on hers again, smelling him, hearing his voice...but she's here now, back in her room, with Chloe.

"Beca!" Chloe yells, gaining her attention.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Beca says, her voice shaky.

"Jesse called, he was worried about you, about leaving you alone. He thought if you were really up to something, you might only listen to me. So I ran over here to make sure you didn't...hurt yourself or do something worse!"

"Oh..." is all she says, not sure of how to respond.

"I mean what the hell, Beca?! How could you even think about doing that? Leaving me Leaving, for good..."

"I wasn't going to hurt myself, if that's what you're thinking. I'm fine, really."

"You're _not fine_, Beca. There's something dark that's got a grip on you and I'm afraid it's going to take you away from me!"

Tears are welling up in her already red and puffy eyes. Beca swallows hard, taking in Chloe's words.

"I mean for God's sake, Beca, you're buying pills from some shady guy to get through the day and night. That's not fine!"

"Really, Chloe, I'll be okay," she stands up, a little unsteady on her feet, but composes herself somewhat, "see?"

"Yeah, being able to _stand up_ is not convincing. You're going to need to do better than that."

This should be when she lays it all out there for Chloe. Give her the balls-to-the-wall apology. Tell her how she feels, even though it still scares the hell out of her. This is what she should do.

"I'm not going tomorrow," she blurts out instead, "just thought you should know." Why those are the words that come out, she's not sure, but she's gotta start somewhere. Maybe she wants Chloe to fight for her, even if its just to come to the competition. Chloe narrows her eyes at her, not saying a word. Beca braces herself. But instead of Chloe blowing up for letting the team down, she doesn't have much of a reaction at all, which hurts even more. She can't really expect Chloe to beg and plead for her to show up, or be all ready to forgive her for everything and give her a Chloe-hug and have everything go back to normal. What was normal anyway? The moment Chloe barged into her shower and into her life, nothing was normal anymore. Not that she wants to be normal. She just wants to not be everything she's been throughout her whole life anymore. She's lived her life and made her choices through the lens of a broken person, scared of life because life has been scary so far. It's kind of kicked her ass. But she doesn't just want to be the product of things that have happened to her. She's sick of being kicked around. She's ready to kick back. She thinks. This could all go terribly wrong.

"Did you hear me?"

"I heard you. What do you want me to say? You want me to beg you to come? You want me to tell you how much we need you there, how much I need you there? Because I -"

"Actually," she interrupts, taking a step towards Chloe. "I just need you to listen right now." She takes a deep breath and dives in, head first. "For a long time, I've lived with the belief that I am just better off alone. It's better for me and for everyone else. The people who were supposed to stick by me no matter what were the ones who didn't. My dad left when things got hard. My mom went crazy and killed herself, and I was the one who found her." She takes another deep breath, steadying herself. "So there I was, left floating out to sea, no raft, no vest, just my arms and legs working as fast as they can to keep me afloat. And sometimes I got tired, and let my guard down. And people took advantage of that." She pauses for a moment before continuing. "One really bad time in particular, when I was 16."

Chloe's eyes grow wider with each revelation, an audible intake of breath after the last one. Beca knows she might be going overboard, sharing too much, but she continues anyway, understanding that on some level she just needs to get this out. She needs Chloe to understand.

"I wanted nothing but to forget about this life I had here, with my dad and stepmom. Just push it down as far as I could and move on with my life in LA. But...I ended up here, at Barden. And I met you. And you were...unexpected, to say the least. And you made me feel like I mattered and I wasn't just somebody to kick around. But old habits die hard, and I couldn't shake that feeling that you were just going to up and leave too, because I'm not good enough to stick around for. My nightmares came back, well more like they intensified, as they never _really_ left. And they were convincing. And the thought of...loving you, was freaking me out too. I've never been in love before so this was all uncharted territory for me and my mind kept messing me up. There was this common presence in my nightmares, and he...just got in my head, made me not think right. And I'm not telling you all this so you'll take me back or whatever, I mean I don't think you ever really had me to to be honest because I never really let you. Anyway...what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry and I'm not trying to make excuses for myself. I just needed you to know..."

She steps towards Chloe, taking her hands in hers, holding tight, looking her straight in the eye.

"And again, I'm so sorry, Chloe! I let it all get the best of me and you suffered. I thought I was doing some sort of noble thing letting you go...making you go, rather. You didn't deserve that. You deserve someone who will give their all to you, because that's what you do, you go all in. I...um...I just need you to know that I didn't mean any of that stuff I said. I didn't mean any of it! I"m sorry I said it, that you had to hear those words! I followed an idiot's advice, and I've learned my lesson. I hope. Sooooo that's it, I think."

Chloe drops her hands, tears welling up in her eyes. She takes a step back from Beca.

"Beca, how do I know this isn't just some random stroke of bravery from you? That you won't just get scared and run away? I don't think I can handle you giving up again."

"You're right...you don't know that. And honestly, I don't either. I guess I'm just asking you to trust me."

"Trust you with what, exactly?"

"You."

"I don't know Beca. I think I just need some time...this is a lot to take in right now."

"OK...will you stay with me tonight?" Beca blurts out hopefully.

"Beca...I can't..."

"Right, yeah...sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"I'll see you in the morning."

"Um...?"

"Yeah, you're absolutely _not_ skipping tomorrow. We need you. I will come drag you out of bed if I have to." She moves to leave, stopping at the door, turning to Beca one more time. "You going to be okay?"

Beca just nods, looking at the floor. She's surprised to feel arms suddenly wrap around her and Chloe's voice so close to her ear.

"I still love you, Bec," she says, her voice breaking, "I just...take care of yourself okay?"

Beca returns the hug, nodding into Chloe's shoulder, willing time and space to freeze so she can live in this moment forever, stretch it longer. But as fast as the embrace came, it's gone, and so is Chloe, echoes of a closing door her only company now.

/

Buzz...buzz...buzz...buzz...

Exhausted can't begin to describe how she feels. It's like her mind, body, soul went through an Ironman competition and then climbed Mount Everest and then challenged Einstein to a math contest. But she has to get up. She has to show up today.

She has about 45 minutes to get ready, get coffee, and make it to the bus. She drags herself out of bed, grabbing what she needs to shower and heads to the bathroom. She almost falls asleep in the shower, but she makes it through. She gets dressed, runs out with her hair wet (she'll deal with that later), sprints to Nik's to get coffee, and makes it to the bus with about 2 minutes to spare. Aubrey surprisingly only greets her with a steely glare. She finds the redhead already on the bus.

"Coffee?"

"Oh! Wow, thanks Beca," she says genuinely, holding the cup with both hands and bringing it up to her face, taking in the scent.

Beca chuckles, knowing it has that same effect on her. She turns to find Amy, who's just boarding, saddling up in the driver's seat.

"Hey, Amy..."

"Beca."

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Are we going to be using inside voices?"

"Yes...I just, um...need to apologize to you. I'm sorry for the way I acted. Can you forgive me?"

Amy isn't looking at her, keeping herself facing forward. "Apology accepted. Just don't pull that shit again, alright Mitchell?"

"I promise to try."

"Good. Now buckle up. We got a competition to get to."

Beca settles into her seat, throwing her headphones on, and cranking up her music. She glances over at Chloe, surprised to be met with a small smile. She smiles back, feeling like today is just the beginning of something great.

/

There's no way they're going beat these teams. The group performing right now has got MJ, amazing choreography, and just all around swag. There's no way they're going to win. Beca glances over at the other girls as they all watch from the side of the stage together. Aubrey's jaw is twitching. The other girls' expressions are split. Some holding strong in showing the exterior confidence. And the others have more of an "oh shit" look on their face. Beca glances over at Chloe, who is a bit unreadable. She looks like she's studying the routine happening in front of her, following every movement with her eyes, her foot tapping frantically. She'd be lying if she said she's feeling apathetic about winning. She wants to win, really bad. She wants to win for Chloe. If she can make them win today, maybe everything will be okay again. One step closer to the finals, more time to convince Aubrey. Stacie's going to have to flash some serious cleavage, she thinks, to get the judges to pay attention. It would be their luck too, to follow this group. They need this win. Beca needs this win.

She shuffles over to Chloe, hesitantly grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. She's relieved to feel the pressure returned. They break hands only when they're team is being called to stage.

As she predicted, the audience is already losing interest. They're about 4 bars into "I Saw The Sign." and she sees the faces of these people turn from expectant to WTF. Phones are coming out of pockets and purses. The judges just look plain disappointed. Even team Michael Jackson is openly mocking them from the side of the stage. She can feel it slipping away. It's now or never.

"_This time baby, I'll be Bulletproof..."_

/

"What the _hell_ were you thinking, Beca?!" Aubrey yells, the moment they are off stage, all the other girls behind her.

"They were falling asleep out there!"

"And you thought it was a good idea to mix up the set spontaneously. We looked like a hot mess out there, because of you! We're gonna lose now, because of _you_!"

Beca's at a loss for words, her mouth open as she tries to find them. She looks frantically to the others girls for some support, but none is openly given.

"Amy?" she hesitantly asks and who looks a little caught off guard from being called out.

"Um, yeah it was cool ya know, just caught us by a surprise a little..."

"More like a lot!" Aubrey interjects.

"I was just trying to help!"

"I knew I shouldn't have let you on the team."

"Aubrey, come on..."

"No, Chloe, you've defended her enough. She's obviously just going to do whatever the hell _she_ wants. She went too far this time. That was selfish and stupid!"

Chloe looks at Beca, an apologetic look already in her eyes, indicating she's, yet again, alone on this one.

"I just wanted us to win," she whispers, before turning on her heels and running.

She hears her name being called, but doesn't look back.

_What the hell was she thinking?_

_/_

"Nik, I messed up," Beca confesses as he pours her another cup of coffee. He sits down across from her in the booth, setting the coffee carafe down. It's been about a week since everything happened. She hasn't talked to any of the other girls, Chloe included.

"What happened? And how come Chloe hasn't been in here with you? It's either just you or just her..."

"Oh...uh, our schedules have just been a little crazy that's all."

"I miss you two together. You always make me smile seeing you two. Inna's noticed too."

"Well us not hanging out can just be added to the list of "why I suck," she deadpans.

Nik chuckles. "Oh little girl, have your whole life to make mistakes. Try not to beat yourself up every time one happens."

"How is it that I've managed to make a lifetime of mistakes in such a short amount of time?"

"You're young, it's what you're supposed to do! Make as many mistakes as possible! Most people die with a million what-ifs on their lips and that's no way to go, child."

She sits there, absentmindedly stirring her coffee. Nik reaches over, and lifts her chin up. "The important thing to remember is what you _learned_ from your mistakes. And move on! That's how you grow," he says with a smile.

"I've learned that I'm beyond repair and I should just give up now. Forge ahead alone and make the best of it."

"Oh Beca..."

She sniffs, wiping the tears from her eyes. Nik looks over at her sadly, placing his hand over hers in effort to comfort her.

"I should go. Thanks for the coffee, Nik. I'll see ya later." She hastily lays some money on the table, and hurries off.

What the hell was she thinking, trying to mix up the set without telling anyone and hoping they'd go with it and it'd be this great spontaneous thing like they had at the riff-off. She's managed to ruin Chloe's dreams of winning Nationals in her final year, she let her other friends down, and Aubrey has most likely put a hit out on her. She heads to the radio station, she'll be early for her shift but right now she just needs a safe place to go.

Jesse greets her as she walks in. "What uuuup?!"

"Hey Jesse," she responds flatly, but returning the high five he's offering.

"Hey look - for the record I'm really sorry about, you know. I'm sure Aubrey didn't go easy on you."

"If you see a red dot on my forehead, promise you'll yell duck?"

"Promise," Jesse says laughing.

"Congrats to you guys though. That's awesome."

"Thanks."

"So...you think any of them will forgive me?"

"Beca both you and I know that you're little stint wasn't the nail in the coffin. You were right all along that you guys needed to update the set. You're all great singers, but that routine did nothing for you. I think Aubrey just needs someone else to blame besides herself."

"Do you really think so? Because I've been beginning to think my ideas were all some delusion, like maybe I thought the way Aubrey was thinking and had tunnel vision and,-"

"No," he says cutting her off, "they weren't, I promise. Sure you're timing might have been off, but when you cut in with Bulletproof, that was the only time people glanced back up from checking their tweets or Facebook. You made them listen."

"Thanks dude. That means a lot."

Luke pops out of the booth, surprising them both with his sudden appearance. "Hey, Beca, you got a sec?"

"Uh, yea Luke, what's up?"

"Come into the booth and I'll tell ya," he says with a smirk as he sits back down in front of the console.

"Well that's not ominous at all," Beca says sarcastically, earning a chuckle out of Jesse. I'll be right back I guess."

She enters the booth, sitting in the open chair across from Luke, thinking about all the things he could be about to tell her. He swivels around, meeting her eyes, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

"So...I bet you're wondering why I've called you here?"

"Can you please not drag this out," she blurts out. "I mean...sorry, didn't mean to interrupt, I-"

Luke laughs.

"What?"

"Nothing nothing, it's just cute how obviously nervous you are. Ok ok I'll just get to it. I listened to your mixes and they're good, Beca. They're really good. I want you to take the night shift starting next week. Play your stuff. Let's see what the people think. What do you say?"

Is this happening? Did she, a freshman, just get the chance to have her own slot at the station, to play _her own mixes?_ She feels the grin creeping up her face, as her eyes widen in joy.

"Beca?"

"YES! Yes yes yes, I'll do it! Of course I will. Thank you Luke! Thank you, thank you!"

"Sure, don't mention it. Alright get out of here. Go celebrate or something."

"Thank you!" She runs out of the booth, and before Jesse can match words to his questioning look, she's hugging him.

"I get to DJ...my mixes...night shift," is all she gets out in all the excitement.

They break their embrace and Jesse looks down on her, smiling big, genuinely excited for her. "That's awesome, Beca. Congrats. You deserve it you know. You're great at what you do. More people need to know."

"Thanks Jesse. Wow, I can't believe this is happening. My own show. I should call -," but she stops herself in her words, knowing there's no one to call. The only person she can share good news with now is right in front of her, already fully informed.

"You should call her. She'd want to know," he says, finishing her unspoken words.

"I think that ship has sailed. Ok well Luke said I should go celebrate, and I'll look like a mega loser if I don't so I'm going to go even if I have nowhere to go. Sorry I didn't mean for that to sound so self-deprecating."

"It's okay," Jesse laughs, "hey my shift is done in a few hours. How about we go celebrate tonight? Have some good ol fashioned college debauchery or whatever trouble we're supposed to be getting ourselves into."

"That actually sounds kind of perfect. I'll meet you at your dorm around 7?"

"Sounds good!"

"Ok cool. I'll see you then. Oh and Jesse?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet. You have no idea what's in store for tonight."

Beca laughs. "Ok I'll keep that in mind."

/

"See ya later, Kimmy Jin. I'm going out with Jesse, so don't wait up," she says as she leaves her room, knowing full well Kimmy Jin doesn't care one bit.

"Like I ever do," her roommate mutters back. Her apathy is oddly comforting at this point.

She gets to Jesse's dorm just after 7. Fashionably late.

"Looking good, Mitchell! You ready for the best night of your life?"

"You're setting the bar pretty high for yourself you know."

"I'm an optimist, what can I say," Jesse says, shrugging nonchalantly.

"So what _are _the big plans for tonight?"

"Well drinking of course. With a dash of public humiliation. How does that sound?"

"Like two things I don't have enough in my life."

"Alright, then, let's go!"

They arrive at the diviest bar she's ever seen. It's a mixture of every walk of life. College, townies, old regulars, and everyone in between.

"They never card here, which is cool. So as long as you don't pick a fight or act like a total ass, they won't look twice at you. It's like Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is -,"

"You don't talk about Fight Club, yea yea yea, I get it." Jesse turns to her, putting his hand on his chest and tilting his head to the side.

"Look at you, quoting movies. I'm so proud." He says, pretending to be weepy and wiping a tear away.

"You're such a dork," she says laughing, giving him a light punch to the shoulder.

"You love me. Oh! I forgot to mention the best part...karaoke!"

"Oh no."

"Oh _yes_!"

A raggedy, hippie-looking dude wanders over to them, slapping Jesse on the back. "Jesse! Good to see you again!"

Beca raises and eyebrow and smirks at Jesse, wondering how these two know each other.

"Hey Fish! Good to see you," he says shaking the other man's hand before motioning to Beca. "Fish, this is Beca. Beca, this is Fish. Our Karaoke DJ Extraordinaire."

"Au Chante Mademoiselle," Fish says, bowing to Beca and grabbing her hand and kissing the top of it.

She can't help but chuckle at the bizarreness of the situation, but loving it at the same time, deciding to just go for it and play along. She does her best curtsy back, bowing her head and responding with an "Au Chante, good sir."

"Whenever the lady has a request, just bring it to my attention and I'll make it happen."

"Good to know. Merci Beacoup!"

"Oh I like this one. And Jesse, as always, the same goes to you my friend. Now, I must get back to my throne, so I bid you adieu. And tell Rita the first round's on me!"

"Thanks Fish!" Jesse says as he walks away.

"Wow, first name basis. You come here often?"

"Yeah well...I'm like top shelf entertainment here, what can I say? They just can't get enough of me."

Beca smirks at him. She's glad they're back to normal. She missed him and the ease of their friendship.

"So, what's your poison, Mitchell?" Jesse asks, leaning on the bar. She walks up next to him, mimicking his position.

"Whiskey."

"Wow. You don't mess around."

"Maybe throw some ginger in there...mellow it out a bit. I'd like to remember some of the night."

"Yeah I bet you'd like to throw some ginger in there," he teases. "Sorry..."

"It's fine, Jesse," Beca laughs. "Let's just have fun tonight, okay?"

"I'll drink to that. Hey Rita, one whiskey ginger and my usual, on Fish!"

The woman she assumes to be Rita nods with a smile, making and delivering their drinks in record time.

"Here you are sweets. Get on up there soon, now. I don't want to listen to these drowning cats too much longer," she jokes, implying the couple up on stage belting out a very off-key "Endless Love."

They both laugh and Jesse nods, giving the bartender a wink.

"Cheers, B. Here's to you DJ Mitchell!" he holds out his glass to her.

"Cheers Jesse. Thanks for sticking with me," she says grinning, as they clink their glasses together.

/

Another whiskey and who know how many shots later, Beca's pretty sure the words coming out of her mouth aren't English anymore. She and Jesse have managed to win the crowd over, whether performing together or solo. And it only took one shot for her to get up there by herself. All she can do right now is giggle. Giggle and dance like an idiot to whatever song Jesse is belting out. Applause breaks out when his song ends, and he takes a lingering bow before hopping off the stage and into Beca's arms. Apparently drunk Beca likes to hug. Okay.

"YOU...were awesommme. Like, you should win a karaoke Grammy for that. A Krammy!," she exclaims before bursting into a fit of giggles, as Jesse laughs along with her. He pretends to be holding an award in his hands, as he clears his voice.

"I'd like, _hiccup,_ to dedicate this Krammy, _hiccup,_ to the fans of course, _hiccup,_ I wouldn't be here with all of you. And, _hiccup,_ I'd also like to thank my best friend, my muse, _hiccup,_ Beca Mitchell. Peace and love, ya'll!" He kisses his two forefingers on each hand and extends them out into peace signs.

"Bravo! Bravo!" Beca cheers, clapping. She tries adjust her footing, but her coordination is a little on the drunk side, so she trips, falling into Jesse.

"Ok," he laughs, "time to go I think." Beca just giggles, wrapping her arm around Jesse to steady herself as he does the same.

"You okay just staying at my dorm tonight? I want to make sure we both get back in one piece."

"Okay...but no funny business!"

"I swear on my Krammy!"

They take a taxi back to Jesse's dorm and stumble into his room. Benji might be there, she's not really sure, all she wants to do is pass out. The second she hits the bed, she's out like a light.

/

Her head is pounding and someone is snoring. Everything is fuzzy when she peels her eyelids open. Jesse is flat on his back, his shirt off, but pants on. She's fully clothed as far as she can tell, sprawled out, half on top of Jesse. He is still sound asleep. She lifts her head up, and wow that hurts. She blinks a few times, trying to gain focus, and she must be hallucinating because she sees Chloe sitting across from them, one leg over the other, hands folded over her knee, a look on her face that Beca doesn't really want to interpret right now.

"Chloe?" she croaks out, her voice raspy and dry. "Are you really here right now? I thought... I was in Jesse's room."

"You are. Would you like me to leave?" Her tone is flat, maybe even a bit angry.

Now she's confused. "Huh? W-why are you here?"

"I went to your room and Kimmy Jin said you went out with Jesse last night and never came home."

"O-kay...," she says carefully, still confused.

"You know, I knew you were unsure about our relationship, but after we talked and I said I needed time, I thought you were ready to give us a chance. I missed you, and after everything that went down at the competition, I just needed to see you, so I went over to your room this morning because I needed to tell you something. Then came over to check here after talking to Kimmy Jin. The door wasn't even closed all the way. In a hurry to get to the bed?"

"What?" Beca peels herself off Jesse, who's still passed out cold. She sits up, leaning against the wall, holding her hand up to her head, willing the pounding to go away. She closes her eyes, trying to think about what happened last night. Worrying that things might have happened that she's not even aware of. Jesse has no shirt. But his pants are intact, as well as all of her clothes. There's no way they had sex. She was in control enough to know that. She's pretty sure they didn't even kiss. Karaoke. Whiskey. Shots. Karaoke. Something about a Krammy. Taxi. Crashing onto the bed. Right now. She looks back over at Chloe, whose eyes are welling with tears. She gets it. Wow, no more whiskey.

"Chloe I swear, nothing happened! We went out to celebrate and we just got wasted and we came back here and passed out. That's it. You have to believe me!"

"Do I, Beca? Tell me why I _have_ to believe you. Please, enlighten me!"

She's far too hungover, and maybe even still a little drunk, to do this right now.

"Can we talk later, please? When I don't feel like my head is going to split open."

"No, we can't. I have, um...an appointment to get to."

Beca tilts her head in confusion, but as she studies Chloe's expression and she sees the fear cast a shade over her face, she realizes what she's talking about.

"You're getting the surgery today?"

"This was a bad idea, Chloe says shaking her head, "coming here. I gotta go."

And before Beca can stop her, Chloe is out the door.

She flops back down on the bed, next to Jesse, groaning. She shakes him, and he stirs awake.

"Jesse...are you alive?"

"Ugghh..."

She laughs, knowing full well that's exactly how she feels.

"Why is my shirt off?"

"Don't ask me, Fabio. I was just as surprised as you when I woke up."

He turns over to her. "We didn't...did we?"

"No, no. Don't worry. The shirt was just a simple casualty."

"Ok good."

"Chloe stopped by."

"Last night? Wow I must have been totally smashed if I don't remember running into her."

"No, this morning. She left like a minute ago."

"She was here, in the room? Like when you woke up?"

"Mmhmm."

"If it were anyone else but Chloe, I would have called campus police by now."

Beca laughs at just how true that statement is.

"I should go. I think if I don't try to fix whatever it is between us, I'll lose my chance forever. Thanks again for last night, I really needed that. This hangover I could do without, but I had a lot of fun."

"Me too. Glad you had fun."

She grabs her bag, as he turns back over in his bed, burying his head in his pillow.

"See ya Jess."

He mumbles a bye as she walks out.

The sun shouldn't be allowed to be this bright. Ever. It's around 11 AM, as she trudges through campus, sure she looks like a hot mess. Chloe doesn't answer her calls or texts. She decides she can't do anything until she takes something for this headache, so she heads back to her dorm. After popping a few Advil, she also decides it's probably best to shower, sure the alcohol is seeping through her pores. Feeling a little more refreshed and having the headache subside a little bit, Beca sets out on her hunt for Chloe, determined track her down. Sure enough she's at Nik's, just staring into her full cup of coffee. She catches Nik's eye, who glances from her to Chloe, his eyebrows raised. She takes a deep breath, and walks over to their booth, sitting down.

"Hi," she breathes out.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"I know. I wouldn't want to talk to me either. But I want to make sure you're okay, before the...you know."

She nods slightly, rubbing her thumb around the rim of her coffee, staring down at the dark liquid.

"I don't even know why I ordered this, I'm not supposed to eat or drink anything at this point before the surgery. I just like the warmth between my hands, I guess," she sighs, cupping the mug with her hands. "And coffee makes me think of you," she adds quietly, shrugging, and still not looking up.

"When do you have to be at the hospital?"

"Pretty soon. I was just about to leave actually."

"Is anyone going with you?"

Chloe shakes her head.

"What? Chloe, you shouldn't do this alone. I'm going with you."

"No, I don't want you there."

"You don't mean that." Beca reaches across to grab Chloe's hand, but the redhead pulls back.

Why is everything backwards right now. It's like weird backwards deja vu. What the hell has she done to Chloe? She's not giving up this easily though. Beca gets up and sits down next to Chloe, putting her arms around her. Chloe tries to tug away, but she holds tight.

"No Chloe, I'm not letting go. Just like you wouldn't. I'm so sorry I hurt you and that you don't trust me. I promised I'd try and this is me trying so please don't let the fact that I'm an emotional fuck-up mess you up, because you are the best person I've ever met. I'm going with you today, and I'll be there when you wake up."

She waits for a reaction, keeping a tight hold on Chloe. She gets it in the form of the redhead leaning back into her, crying softly.

"I'm scared, Beca. What if,-"

"Shh, everything is going to be just fine. Better than fine. I'll be right there with you. But you cry if you need to. My dad would always tell me not to cry, but you should. You cry all you want." Beca softly strokes Chloe's head, running her fingers through her red locks. They stay like that for a while, not talking, just Beca holding Chloe. They finally break when Chloe says they should probably go so she won't be late.

Beca drives Chloe's car, her hand clutched around the other's hand, neither talking. They get checked in at the hospital, and wait.

"Chloe Beale!" a nurse yells.

Chloe's head snaps up at the sound of her name. She takes a deep breath, holding her hand up, signaling to the nurse.

"Right this way, Ms. Beale, and we'll get you prepped. Anyone with you can wait here and we'll inform them when you're out of surgery."

Chloe swallows hard, still holding tight to Beca's hand. She gets up slowly, breaking their grasp and takes about two steps forward when she suddenly turns around and plants a hard kiss on Beca's lips, both her hands on either side of Beca's face. It says all the things neither of them can say to each other right now; it's full of sadness, pain, fear, joy, love, and hope. Chloe pulls aways slowly, kissing her softly once more.

"Just in case," she breathes out, before turning around and following the nurse.

And now all Beca can do is wait.

/

"_God, I know we haven't talked in awhile and the last time was probably when I wanted something, but...it's just that...I just...I'm really confused and scared right now. There's a girl in an operating room here in this hospital that I l-love...and I'm just hoping you love her too and will take really good care of her. She's the only one who's cared about me in a long time and I don't know what I'd do without her. I don't think you hold grudges so I won't either, even though it felt like you let me down a lot before, so maybe we can start new today? Thank you for Chloe. Please keep her safe. Ok...thanks. I mean, amen."_

She's been in there forever. That's what it feels like at least. The hospital coffee is starting to taste good, that's how long. It's really only been a couple of hours, but when all you have to do is wait, the seconds and minutes seem to double and triple in duration. Her foot won't stop tapping, the caffeine taking it's full toll on her. She's thankfully shoved her headphones and ipod in her bag, before she left her dorm so she has that to distract her. About an hour later, she's tapped on the shoulder by a nurse and about jumps out of her seat.

"Sorry," she mumbles. "Too much coffee."

"She's out of surgery. You can visit her if you'd like," the nurse says kindly.

"So she's all good, I mean the, uh, the surgery was a success? Or it went well? I mean...," she stammers, then deciding to bite her lip to shut herself up.

The nurse chuckles. "Yes, everything went very smoothly. She can't talk to you yet, and she'll be groggy when she wakes up, but I'm sure she'd like to see you."

She sighs in relief, and picks up her stuff as she follows the nurse to Chloe's room.

Chloe is not awake when Beca walks in. She looks so small in the hospital bed. Her face has no emotion on it, she just...is. Her red hair is splayed across the white pillow, the contrast striking. She could almost be glowing. Beca slowly approaches the bed. She feels awkward, unsure of what to do. The nurse seems to sense her hesitation.

"Just take a seat next to her, sweetie. So you'll be right there when she opens those beautiful eyes of hers."

"They are beautiful aren't they?" she says before catching herself. "I mean...how could you not notice, ya know?"

The nurse just smiles at her. "Call if you need anything okay? I'm Nurse Ryan."

"Ok. Thanks."

Beca scoots the chair up to Chloe's bedside. She takes her hand in her own, intertwining their fingers. She swallows hard, taking a deep breath, looking around the room, and remembering how much she dislikes being here. She just sits there for a while, thinking, looking at Chloe, wondering how she got here, to this point in her life. She wishes she had asked the nurse how long Chloe would be asleep for, just for her own peace of mind.

"I really hate hospitals you know. My mom, she was in and out a lot The day I found her was just her first successful attempt. She'd get drugged up every time she'd end up here, and so she'd be lucid, promising to get it together this time. She'd always apologize and cry, begging my dad not to go. Begging me. I always promised to stay, no matter what. My dad promised in the beginning, but eventually he stopped. I remember curling up with her one night after a really bad attempt. The one before the last. She was unconscious still from losing so much blood. They had just let us in after clearing her for visitors. Well, just me really. My dad had given up already. I remember she looked so small, just like you do right now. But she looked peaceful. She didn't have that very often. I wished that...she wouldn't wake up, that she would just stay in that peaceful state forever, never to be tormented again. I wished that I would get taken away and put with another family...a family that wanted me, "she chokes out, the tears beginning to flow freely. "A family that wouldn't abandon me. A family that would protect me. And we'd be so happy. Sometimes I think my mom figured out that I wished that and knew that I finally gave up on her, the only person to always stick by her side let her down. And I think that... maybe that is what killed her." The sobs are racking her body, coming out heavy. "She knew that I gave up so _she_ gave up. And she left me. And my dad left me. All alone." She just cries for some time, leaning her head down on Chloe's bed. When she settles down, she lifts her head up, wiping her eyes. "But you know what, Chloe Beale, I don't want to be alone anymore. So when you wake up, I'm going to tell you that. Tell you how you kind of rescued me, from myself. Tell you how much I," here it comes, "how much I-I love you! But you rest now, okay?" Beca lifts up their joined hands, kissing Chloe's. "You rest and I'll be right here when you wake up. I'll wait for however long you need in this dumb hospital that I hate being in."

Between the lack of sleep from the night before along with her recent exhausting and emotional confessional, Beca feels the weight of sleep on her. She lays her head back down on Chloe's bed, keeping their fingers locked together, and drifts off. What she doesn't see is Chloe's eyes peek open, looking down at her sleeping form, a wide smile forming at her lips as she revels in what she just heard.

/

She's awakened by the feel of fingers on her head. Beca lifts her head up, opening her eyes sleepily, only to be met with brilliant blue eyes and the best smile she could ever imagine. Chloe.

"Hi," Beca breathes out. "Good to see you, again."

Chloe nods in acknowledgement, squeezing Beca's hand. Chloe reaches across, stroking Beca's cheek with her thumb.

"Do you feel okay?"

Chloe nods.

"When, um...when will you know...everything else?" Beca hesitantly asks.

She looks down, shrugging her shoulders.

"It's going to be alright, whatever the news. And I'll be here for whatever you need, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

Beca reaches down and grabs the duffel bag at her feet. "Want to change?"

Chloe smiles, nodding, and mouthing a "thank you." When she's changed, Beca's signaled to turn back around, finding Chloe in some yoga pants and a long sleeve Barden shirt.

"Better?" Beca asks, raising her eyebrows, and Chloe smiles in agreement. Chloe then scoots over in the bed, patting the now empty side. Beca smiles at the invitation, slides in next to Chloe and they wrap their arms around each other. Beca lays her head on Chloe's chest, inhaling deeply. She feels a light kiss on the top of her head. Beca doesn't want to read too much into it, not knowing where exactly they are at in their relationship right now. They haven't resolved anything between them yet, but Chloe not pushing Beca away right now is enough for her so she tries not to think about it too much, but it's really weighing on her. Chloe just strokes Beca's head, holding her tight. They lay there for a while before Beca eventually tilts her head up, catching Chloe's eye. She shifts her weight, so she's hovering over Chloe, hesitating a moment before bringing their lips together in a soft kiss, happy when Chloe returns the pressure on her lips. She can feel the tears well up in her eyes and tries to will them away. A tear must have escaped, because Chloe pulls away, and Beca sees her wipe a fallen tear off her cheek, before looking back up at Beca, a questioning look on her face.

"I really messed up," she confesses not even attempting to retreat into herself. She's here with Chloe, who seems to be offering forgiveness and she doesn't want to dance around it anymore. "I messed up Chloe. I let bullshit get in the way. But I don't want to do that anymore. And I just need to know if you forgive me. If you can trust me again. If we even have a chance anymore. Because you're my best friend and I need you," she cries, breathing hard.

Chloe takes her face in her hands, planting a soft kiss on Beca's lips, then pulls her in hugging tightly. Beca feels warm breath against her ear, and the faintest voice say "I forgive you and I need you too." Beca lets out a kind of laugh/sigh of relief.

"That's good to hear, because..." _You can do this, Mitchell. Just say it. _

She's cut off when they hear a loud bang, followed by the lights flickering around them, before going completely dark.

"What the hell?"

It's pitch black. Beca can't even see Chloe's face which is right next to her. They hear some more commotion outside, but it doesn't seem like anything out of the ordinary for being in a busy hospital. The emergency lights come on, dimly lighting the room

"I'm gonna go see what's going on," Beca says, rolling off Chloe and getting out of the bed but Chloe grabs her hand, not wanting to let go. She squeaks out a noise of protest. "It'll be okay, I'll be right back." She gives Chloe a reassuring kiss on the forehead, releasing her hand from the vice-grip.

She's barely opened the door when she hears, pop-pop-pop! And then some more, and then some more. She takes a peek and the horror occurring before her eyes can't be real. She squeezes her eyes tight, holding for a few seconds. POP-POP-POP! POP-POP-POP! RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT! Beca slams the door shut, turning on her heels back to Chloe, who's wearing a terrified expression. They just hold each other's gaze for a split second, a million unsaid things passing between them. Beca breaks the silence, with one simple order.

"Hide."


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to everyone for reading and all your kind reviews! It really means a lot and I love reading your comments. Hold on tight, we're about to take a lil trip into AU land :D **

Beca finds herself stuffed in a closet, Chloe tightly wound around her. It's pitch black, and they're surrounded by blankets, sheets, and pillows - along with Chloe's duffel and Beca's backpack. They hear more pops, some are isolated, some are several in a row, along with an array of other noises, yelling, screaming, the sounds of chaos. Muffled voices come into their room, but quickly make an exit when it's deemed "all clear, no civilians, no patient zeros." Beca keeps her eyes shut tight, trying to will the images of what she just saw out of her mind. _They were just shooting those people. Lined them up against the wall and pulled the trigger. They slumped down like ragdolls. And Patient Zero? What the hell is that all about?_ She must be dreaming, she thinks. There's no way this, whatever the hell this is, is happening. No. Way. And in a moment, everything she once thought important, became an afterthought, her only thoughts being how to get out of here alive, how to keep Chloe safe. Her phone iss buried in her backpack, Chloe's in her own duffel bag. She was afraid to move an inch, sure that a gunman was waiting outside, ears trained for movement he or she has been ordered to cease. Luckily both their phones are on silent, so she can breathe easier knowing they won't be going off and attracting any unwanted attention. They hear some distant rumbling, but the pops and rat-a-tats have been silent for a while. They can't stay in this closet forever. Beca releases her hold on Chloe just enough to put her lips to the redhead's ear.

"Hey," she breathes out, barely whispering. "We need to try and make a break for it. You trust me, right?"

Beca feels a sharp intake of breath from Chloe, but feels her nodding her head against her. Beca smiles, planting a soft kiss on Chloe's ear.

"I'm going to listen at the door for a moment, before opening it. Then just follow my lead."

Beca presses her ear up to the wooden door, closing her eyes as she focuses all her energy on listening. There were distant murmurs of something, definitely outside of the hospital. Their room seemed to be all clear at least. She waited and listened, her heart pounding as she reached up to the doorknob. Every movement was intentional, careful. She kept her ear to the door as she slowly turned the knob, her whole body tensed for what may or may not be waiting for them on the other side of this door. Chloe's hands dug into her as she was still clutching her haphazardly, her tension being released in squeezing Beca where she grasped. This would probably be a good time to open her eyes. One eye peeks out, as a sliver of light floods in. She waits there, looking for any movement. When all seems clear, she opens it up a little more, waiting. When she can finally get a good look of the room, and it's completely empty, she swings the door open all the way slowly. But they stay frozen for a moment, braced for anything and everything.

"Ok, we're clear," she finally whispers.

Beca stands up, reaching her hand out to help Chloe get up. They stretch out their limbs, as they were crammed in that closet a while. Beca tries to get a glimpse of what's happening through the small window on the door, while Chloe quickly puts her shoes on. As far as she can see they're clear but she couldn't get a very good look, so it still feels like they're going out blindly. They grab their bags, Beca throwing her backpack and and Chloe slinging the duffel over her shoulder. Beca reaches her hand out, which Chloe gladly takes, and they stand side by side facing the door. She turns to the redhead, looking into her eyes. Her mind is in overdrive. Fight or Flight. Today it might be a little of both.

"I don't know what's going to be on the other side, but whatever it is, we stick together and we keep moving, no matter what. Okay? We just need to make it to the exit and out to the car."

Chloe stares forward, nodding in agreement.

"Ready?" Beca asks, and feels Chloe squeeze her hand in response. She notices her free hand shaking as she reaches out to grab the door handle. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath, before, pushing it down as slowly as possible. Chloe is right at her back, their hands still grasped together. Beca peeks her head out, frantically searching left and right. Her stomach turns when she spots pools of blood and bodies in both directions. Hospital equipment, papers, chairs, and other stuff is strewn about. Emergency lights are flickering, casting dancing shadows on the wall that Beca keeps mistaking for human movement. She closes her eyes again, and just listens for a moment. There doesn't seem to be any more human presence nearby, so it's now or never. She turns her head to glance back at Chloe, who gives her a reassuring nod indicating she's ready for what's next.

Beca is pretty sure she doesn't breathe the whole time they are making their way out of the hospital. She does her best to keep her eyes up and ahead, but the horrors on the floor beg for her attention. She hears Chloe gasp and whimper behind her as she also takes in the carnage all around them. They safely make it to an exit, pausing in a nearby corner to assess what may be outside and catch their breath.

Beca turns to Chloe, taking her face in her hands and leaning her forehead against the redhead's. She realizes that she's crying, Chloe's eyes running with hot tears as well.

"Are you okay?" Beca asks breathlessly.

Chloe fervently nods against Beca's forehead, her eyes tightly shut.

"We're almost there. We're almost there," Beca repeats, not knowing where they are almost at or really what to do when they get there, but she knows they just need an objective right now, something to keep them going.

"Almost where?" A tiny voice croaks out. Beca snaps her gaze up to Chloe, who's looking at her with a pained expression. Hearing the other woman's voice immediately brings a smile to Beca's face, but it quickly drops when she realizes she has no answer to the question.

"I don't know, but we have to keep moving."

"Why? Why can't we just wait for someone to come find us, a search team or something," Chloe asks, almost pleading.

Immediately Beca is hit with the recent memory of all those people just being lined up and shot down. She has a feeling that those uniforms pulling the triggers were the search team and she's not so sure they want to be found by them. She looks in Chloe's eyes, as she finds her words.

"I...um...don't think they're going to be looking for us here. This place has been swept. We _need_ to get out of here Chloe. We need to find some help, find our friends!"

She has absolutely no idea what is on the other side of these doors, but she's hoping their friends being safe and _alive_ is one of the things they find. And she suddenly remembers she has her phone in her bag. She takes it off her back, unzipping the front pocket and taking it out. Chloe gasps, taking hers out as well. Beca has a million missed calls from Jesse, Amy, her dad, and surprisingly - Aubrey as well. Along with that a slew of texts all panicked and full of questions.

She has a voicemail from her dad.

"_Beca - something bad is happening. Please call me back, I need to know you are safe. They are locking the city down. Campus too. I have to go find Sheila. Beca, STAY AWAY from the uniforms, the strange ones. Go somewhere and hide. Be safe, I love you. I'll do whatever I can to find you."_

And one from Jesse.

"_B - I hope you're ok. I'm with Aubrey and Benji. We're safe. You know where to find us. See you soon I hope."_

Amy's is short and to the point.

"_This place is going to hell. What the fuck, America? Call me! ...Easy soldier - I'm putting the phone away, hey you don't have to -" _click. That doesn't sound good, Beca thinks, her stomach dropping at the thought of what might have happened to her friend.

Aubrey's is panicked, but assertive.

"_Dammit Beca Mitchell you need to call me back right now! and tell Chloe to call me! If you guys are together, be safe! Where are you?! Call me!"_

She's glad they seem to be safe and that Aubrey, Benji, and Jesse are together. She wonders about the other girls, praying they're okay. And who the heck are they supposed to go for help, then? Even her dad is warning them away from the soldiers. _What did he see?_ The thought sends shivers down her spine. She tries to call him back, but there's no service. Network fail.

"Eerrggh!" Beca yells in frustration, and let's be honest, a lot of anger as well. "Your phone working?"

Chloe shakes her head, indicating she has no signal as well.

"My dad said they've locked the campus down, as well as the whole damn city! Jesse's text said people are being evacuated."

"Yeah, that's what Aubrey's said," Chloe says, her voice still weak. "I hope they're okay, Beca."

"They're fine. They're all fine. Aubrey is with Benji and Jesse. I'm sure the other Bellas are safe too. Amy and Cynthia Rose could kick some ass and they'll look after everyone if they're together."

"We have to find them Beca!" Chloe yells, wincing a little as her hand immediately goes to her throat.

"Shh," Beca says in attempt to soothe her. "Please don't strain your voice. And we will find them, we will."

They stay silent for a moment, then Chloe softly clears her throat and asks with a raspy voice, "Do you think this is happening everywhere else?"

"I don't know," Beca sighs, shaking her head. She then realizes what Chloe was really asking. She grabs a hold of both her hands. "I'm sure you're family is safe. They're far away from here."

Chloe is shaking her head from side to side before Beca can even finish that sentence. "You don't know that," Chloe cries weakly.

"You're right I don't, but you just need to believe that or you'll make yourself crazy. Look at me, Chloe! They're safe."

Chloe takes a deep breath, leaning her head into Beca, and laughing softly, which takes Beca by surprise.

"What?"

"Since when did you become such an optimist?"

Beca chuckles. "Well, I think I have you to blame for that, actually."

Chloe pulls Beca in by the waist, holding her close. "I'm glad you're the one I'm with right now," she whispers into Beca ear.

"Me too," Beca breathes out and they stay in that position for a moment, enjoying the silver of serenity. Beca reluctantly brings them back to reality.

"I'm going to take a peek outside, see if I can see anything, and if it's safe. Stay here."

She inches around the corner, seeing that the inside set of doors have blown out windows. One of the second set of doors has the same issue, allowing a decent view of the immediate area outside.

"Looks like we're in the clear. You ready?"

"Yeah, but, where are we going anyway?"

"Radio station."

"Why there?"

"It'll be a safe place. There's an old bunker below it actually. Jesse and I found it one day."

"Well that's convenient," Chloe says, laughing.

"Yeah who knew, right?"

Beca takes out Chloe's car keys from her backpack before pulling the straps back around her shoulders. She looks at Chloe, taking one of her hands.

"Ready?" Chloe asks before Beca can.

"Ready. The car is out this door, to the right. We don't stop till we get there. Not for anything. "

And with that they make a break for it, the full sunlight hitting them with such force it's a bit startling at first and Beca can't see anything for a moment, just white. Her vision adjusts though and they are met with a sight no one can be ready for. There are bodies everywhere, some intact, some just parts, as well as bullet shells strewn about, and even some discarded guns, that look military-grade. Beca runs as fast as she can, making sure Chloe can keep up. She's still a little weak from being put under. There at least doesn't seem to be anyone around, she gladly observes, but that thought is quickly pushed away when a figure comes out of nowhere, lunging at them and she's suddenly knocked to the ground. She hears Chloe shriek and then she registers the sound of growling and snapping teeth. The thing that is crawling towards her seems to be wanting to bite her...like it wants to...eat her? _This is not some zombie shit, _she thinks. _No way this is happening. _

"Beca!" Chloe shouts and she looks up to see her holding a very large gun. She takes a swing, giving it a good whack in the head with the butt of the gun, which stops it's attack for a second. Chloe grabs Beca's hand pulling her up and before the thing can get back up, they are booking it towards to car. Beca sees more of these things as they run, each one turning their attention to the two girls and making their way towards them.

"Beca, what the hell is going on?" Chloe yells from behind her.

"I don't know just keep running I see the car!"

Beca presses the unlock button on the key fob. Another one of the blood-thirsty figures is heading right for Chloe just as they reach the car and Beca sees it before she does. She lunges at Chloe, grabbing her arm and yanking the girl out of its path just in time. The thing slams right into the car, knocking itself over.

"Holy shit!" Chloe shouts.

Beca opens the driver's side door, beckoning Chloe in. She climbs in after her, shoving the key in the ignition. She checks behind the car as she puts the car in reverse, seeing the figure back on its feet. She slams on the accelerator, ramming the body and knocking it backwards. Chloe gasps, putting her hand over to mouth. Beca turns the wheel, spinning them around to face forward. She puts the car into drive and steps on it.

"Beca, watch out!"

More figures appear, racing towards them, some faster than others. They make it out of the hospital parking lot, clipping one of the things as they left. It spins around violently, blood splattering the windshield. Both girls scream, Beca trying her best to keep cool and focus on getting them out of there and to the station, which is about 10 minutes away. This part of town seems to have been evacuated already, the only presence being the rageful human figures meandering about. She's worried about running into the uniformed guards, or whoever is taking control of this situation, unsure of their fate if they end up in their hands.

"I think we should pull over and walk," she blurts out.

"What? Why?" Chloe exclaims.

"Because I don't want us to get caught."

"Caught by who? If you're talking about those _things_, that's a guarantee if we get out and walk."

"They're not the only thing I'm afraid of."

"What are you talking about?"

Beca swallows hard "I just think...there might be other people out there who may seem trustworthy, but aren't."

"Who, Beca? Who are you talking about? Did you see something at the hospital?"

The images flash in her mind. She didn't know those people, but she won't forget their faces as the life was taken from them in a split second. Then she sees Chloe's face, and Jesse, and her dad, and her friends, and the tears come pouring out. She spots an alley, jerking the wheel to the right, taking a sharp turn and slamming on the breaks as she pulls on the car into the empty alleyway, her emotions getting the best of her.

"Beca?" Chloe asks cautiously. "Beca...babe, we can't stop." Chloe is starting to cry now too. "Please...we have to keep going."

Beca gets a hold of herself, her breathing slowing down and steadying. She lays her head on the steering wheel, both hands still gripped tight on it. She feels the pressure of Chloe's hand on her back, rubbing back and forth in attempt to soothe her.

"Do you want me to drive?"

"No," Beca mumbles out, her head still down. "No I can do this," she says now lifting her head up and looking over at Chloe. "The station is not far. Maybe a 10 minute walk. We're right by,-"

"Walk?" Chloe asks, alarm in her voice. "Why do we have to walk? I don't understand. We're _safe_ in the car."

"You just have to trust me on this, Chloe. We need to stay out of sight. A car will attract attention."

"Out of sight from WHO!?" she asks loudly, clearly getting frustrated.

"From the soldiers! From whoever took charge of this situation! They can't be trusted."

"Like the Army? I'm pretty sure they would be the best people to run into right now."

Beca shakes her head. "I'm not so sure Chloe," she responds dryly.

"Why not? What did you see?!"

"They shot them!" Beca shouts.

"What? Who shot who?"

"The soldiers! At the hospital. All those people dead on the floor, _they _killed them! Right after the lights went out and I went to go check outside, I saw it! They lined them up against the wall and _shot _them!"

Chloe looks at her, terror and shock on her face. "What?" she says, her voice shaking, almost a whisper.

"I'm not going to let that happen to us. To you!"

Chloe grabs Beca's face. "That's not going to happen. We're going to be just fine. As long as we're together."

Beca nods, tears streaming down her face. She hastily wipes them away, taking a deep breath. Once she composes herself again, she looks in the backseat for their bags and brings them up front, handing Chloe her duffel.

"We can't draw attention to ourselves. We have to walk from here. It's not far. You still trust me right?"

"Yes."

"I think we can follow this alleyway up to 9th, which is the east side of campus and that's where the radio station is."

Chloe looks at her in amazement. "How do you know that?"

"Just spent a lot of time wandering around the city I guess," she shrugs.

"You are a mystery, wrapped in a conundrum, you know that?"

"Um, thanks?"

"I mean that in the best way," Chloe says smiling and placing a soft kiss on Beca's lips. She leans her forehead on Beca's, each silent as they relish in a few moments of calm.

"We go on three, ok?" Beca says after a while.

"On three," Chloe confirms.

They count in unison and they're out of the car in seconds, starting their trek to the station by shuffling along the side of the alleyway wall. Beca is leading, her hand grasped tight over Chloe's. It's eerily quiet and Beca's just waiting for the worst to happen. An explosion. Gunshots. More zombie things. Something. They get to the end of a part of the alley, coming up on a cross street. Beca holds her hand up, signaling Chloe to stop, so she can take a peek around the corner before they cross. They press their backs up against the brick wall, waiting in silence a moment. Beca moves about an inch when a startling sound forces her back, flat against the wall, her hand over her mouth, Chloe doing the same.

The footsteps get closer and the words from the approaching strangers become clearer. Beca motions Chloe to follow her and they duck by the dumpster a few feet from them.

"Keep up, Riggins. We've got a lot more to patrol. And remember, you put down anything and everything that moves."

"But not _everything, not everyone_ is infected. I don't understand why -"

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me. We have orders and you follow them, or you might just find yourself on the wrong side of this rifle. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Good. Keep moving."

Beca catches the sight of the soldiers as they walk by the alleyway opening. They're in full uniform, but as she gets a better look, it's not one she recognizes. It's not a typical Army or National Guard or whatever US Armed Forces uniform. _Who are they? Why are they so intent on just shooting everything down...without even a second thought?_

Her heart and stomach drop to the floor when she hears the Captain say, "Go double back on that alleyway. Make sure there aint' any of those shitbag biters around."

"I didn't see anything when we -"

"Dammit Riggins! Just do it. That's an order."

"Yes, sir."

She sees him appear at the opening, his gun up and he takes small steps forward. This is it. She couldn't protect them. They're going to die in this gross alleyway, at the hands of some scared shitless soldier, because those are the _orders. _She puts her arms around Chloe kissing her on the side of the head, tears running down her face. Chloe's eyes lock on hers and Beca looks back into the bluest of blue eyes, praying it'll be quick. Praying Chloe won't feel any pain.

She hears the crunch of gravel underneath the soldiers feet. He's just about to the end of the dumpster, one more step and they'll be face to face with their fate. He steps in front of them, just as startled as they are when he sees them, immediately aiming his gun at them. Beca looks up into his face, and she can see the terror in his eyes. He's shaking, beads of sweat running down his face. She pulls Chloe closer, shutting her eyes tightly.

The painful silence is broken when she hears, "You see anything?!"

She opens her eyes back up, locking in on this soldier Riggins's eyes. He swallows hard, still shaking, still aiming the gun right at Beca's head.

"Riggins!? Do I need to come hold your hand you piece of shit?"

"No!" he suddenly shouts. "All clear, Captain."

The tightness in Beca's chest releases, as the realization that he is going to spare their life registers. He fishes something out from behind his back, presenting a handheld gun and an extra clip. He hands it out to her, pressing it into her when Beca makes no movement to take it. "Take it, _please_," he whispers. She removes a hand from around Choe and grabs hold of it, looking up into his eyes, silently thanking him. He nods in acknowledgement and before she knows it, he's walking away, and rounding the corner, out of sight. Their voices become more distant as they walk away, and they wait there until they hear silence for a good 5 minutes before making a move.

Beca looks down at the gun and clip in her hands, having absolutely no idea how what just happened, happened.

"I can't believe that just happened," Chloe whispers, vocalizing Beca's thoughts.

"We may not be so lucky again. Come on, let's keep moving."

She stuffs the gun and clip in her backpack, and pulls Chloe up on her feet.

"You okay," she asks, the redhead visibly shaken.

"Y-yeah. Let's just get to the station. I don't like being out here."

"I'm going to take another look just to make sure we're clear to cross."

Chloe nods and Beca walks to out to the opening, inching her head out to get a look both ways. She lets out a sigh when she sees and hears nothing, at least nothing human...or whatever else is out there.

"Ok, Chloe. Let's go." She puts her hand out, which Chloe gladly takes, squeezing tightly.

They make a break for it, crossing safely to the other side. They make their way down the passage, inching along the sides. They're at the end of the alley now. The quad is just across the way, the station in their sight. They look around, taking in their surroundings. Beca sees a huddle of figures in the distance, not far from their path to safety.

They're crouching down, huddled together at the opening of the alleyway. "What do we do?" Chloe asks. "Those things are going to see us."

Beca takes out the gun, Chloe's eyes widen at the sight of it. Beca looks up into those wide, blue eyes and leans in close. "Don't worry, I'll protect you," she whispers against her lips. She feels Chloe smile against her, letting out a breath. "Do you even know what to do with that thing?"

"Well from what I've read, you just pull the trigger," she says smirking.

"Smartass. Just...be careful. Guns freak me out."

"Me too, but I'm not about to let one of those things get the best of me. Or you."

"Let's just get this over with," Chloe sighs.

Beca nods in agreement. She puts her backpack back on, holding the gun in her right hand, Chloe's hand in her left.

"Yippie-kai-yay?"

Chloe laughs and repeats, "Yippie-kai-yay."

They make a run for it, Beca keeping her focus on the radio station's door, her eyes only darting away from their target to make sure none of those things get too close. They reach the door to the station, and she reaches for the handle, her heart dropping when it doesn't budge.

"This is not happening," Beca says under her breath.

"What?" Chloe asks, as she looks around at the menacing bodies closing in on them.

"It's fucking locked! Jesse!" She pounds and pounds on the door, screaming for help. "Jesse! Aubrey! Benji! Someone! Please help us! The door is locked!"

"Beca! What do we do!?" Chloe cries. "Those things are getting closer...oh my God, they're running! They're running towards us!"

Beca whips her head around to see a small herd of people, if that's what you can call them because the look on their faces is almost inhuman it's so rageful, and that sends chills through Beca' body. They both have their backs pressed up to the door, hands clenched together. Beca has the gun up and is aiming it back and forth at each thing, their growling, a growl that's almost like a shriek at the same time, getting louder as they approach. She squeezes the trigger and fires off a bullet towards the closest one. It hits it square in the head, and it crumbles to the ground, unmoving. Beca freezes, her arm still outstretched. Chloe looks at her, then at the body on the ground, and back at her, wearing a shocked expression.

"Do that again!" Chloe shouts and Beca aims the gun at another approaching figure. A loud bang behind them makes them both scream and they turn around to meet a face that sends a wave of relief through Beca's body. The door is unlocked and they are ushered in, the door slamming shut quickly, and being relocked just as two of the figures slam into the glass, growling and snapping.

Beca throws her arms around their savior, never feeling happier to see him than right now. "Oh my gosh, Jesse!"

"I'm glad to see you guys," he says, giving Beca a firm squeeze back before moving to hug Chloe.

"We didn't think you were here when no one would answer us, or that you couldn't hear us down in the bunker," Beca explains, catching her breath still. "I thought we were dead meat."

"I'm so sorry Bec...it just took me a minute to up and out of that bunker. Who was shooting by the way? Oh my God, is someone hurt?"

"We're fine," Chloe says. "Beca shot the gun."

Jesse turns his head towards Beca, shock on his face. Beca smiles nervously, holding up the gun and shrugging.

"Holy shit," he whispers.

"Yeah...I'm a pretty good shot it turns out."

"Huh. Good to know."

They're attention is beckoned again to the door as the growling and scratching continues. "Come on," Jesse says. "We should get back down there, out of sight."

Jesse and Beca lead the way to the bunker, Chloe following behind. He opens the door, hidden under the carpet.

"Jesse?" They hear a tentative voice call out. "Everything okay?"

"Better than okay, actually..."

As Beca and Chloe climb down the ladder, they see Aubrey and Benji, whose expressions immediately change from hesitant and scared to relieved and overjoyed as they see their friends.

"Chloe!" Aubrey shrieks, running into her friend's arms. Tears run down each woman's face as they hug each other, glad to be together again. Beca gives Benji a squeeze before turning to Aubrey, who walks right up to her and brings her in for a hug. Beca hesitates before returning the pressure.

"I can actually say in full honestly I am happy to see _you_, Beca Mitchell."

"Wow. Thanks Aubrey. Glad you're here too."

Aubrey breaks away, keeping a firm grasp on Beca's shoulders. "And thanks for keeping Chloe safe."

Chloe comes up behind Beca, wrapping her arms around her and resting her chin on her shoulder. "She was amazing," Chloe says adoringly, kissing her on the cheek. Beca's blushes, looking down.

Aubrey raises an eyebrow, smirking a little. "Hmm...who knew?"

Beca rolls her eyes, and Chloe turns her around in her arms, placing a passionate kiss on her lips. She feels embarrassed as she knows all 3 pairs of eyes are gawking at them right now. She pulls away, blushing. "Geez, Chloe. We're not alone anymore," she whispers.

Chloe just giggles at her. "Yeah well we're alive and with our friends. Thanks to _you_. It just got me a little worked up is all."

"Well just try and keep your toner in your pants, it's a small space," Aubrey says dryly.

"And there it is," Beca retorts.

Aubrey just rolls her eyes at her, letting out a huff and Beca chuckles, because it almost makes everything feel normal, but she quickly remembers that nothing is normal anymore. "So does anyone know what the hell is going on?" she asks, bringing them all back to the grim reality of the situation.

Jesse sighs, and runs his hands through his hair. "All we know is there's been some sort of outbreak. A virus or something. Benji and I were walking home from rehearsal and suddenly all hell broke loose. Military personnel, or whoever the hell they are, started invading the campus, rounding people up."

"It was all very...hostel," Benji interjects. "We saw them just...sh-shoot some people down. For no reason!"

Jesse nods in agreement. "We made a break for it, trying to dodge the soldiers. That's when we ran into Aubrey. I remembered about the bunker, so we came here. Then we saw those _things_ start roaming around. We thought we were safe when we made our way of the soldiers' path, but then these things came flying at us, like they wanted to eat us."

Beca swallows hard at Jesse recount of the day's events. Is it still the same day? A sense of time has gone completely out the window. She feels Chloe's grip on her tighten.

"So what do we do now?" Chloe asks. "Where can we go?"

"I dunno," Jesse answers grimly. "We can't trust those soldiers. For all we know, they'll shoot us dead the second they see us."

"Not all are bad," Chloe says. "Remember, Beca! That one soldier...Riggins! He let us go. He looked right us, had his _gun_ pointed right in our faces and he let us go. That's how we got the gun Beca has! He can't be the only soldier with a conscious."

Beca can't help but smile at Chloe's persistent optimism. "Yeah, but how can we know who to trust and who not to trust?"

"I don't know," she concedes, "but we can't stay here forever."

"It's not so bad," Jesse says. "But you're right, we can't last long. Realistically speaking we only have enough food and water, not substantial food I might add, to last us a few days.

"Have either of you talked to anyone else?" Aubrey questions.

"No...our phones aren't working. I had some messages from my dad and Amy, but I have no idea where would be right now. What about you?"

"I talked to Cynthia Rose for a minute. I was frantically calling everyone the second we got here. She was with Amy, actually. Cynthia Rose said they were heading to her friend's place in the city. I don't know if they made it."

"Amy got cut off by some soldier in the middle of the voicemail she left on my phone," Beca says, frowning. "I hope they're okay."

"They're fine," Chloe affirms. "Those are two tough girls. They won't be taken down easily, not without a fight."

Beca nods, knowing and believing the truth to that last bit Chloe said, but the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach makes her question the first. "What about Lily...Stacie...the other girls?" she asks.

Aubrey shrugs, sadness and fear washing over her face. "I-I don't know. I couldn't get ahold of any of them." Tears are welling up in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks. Jesse puts an arm around her, wiping the tears away. "We're going to find them. I promise. And they're going to be be just fine."

Aubrey sniffs, a weak smile forming at her lip, as she nods at Jesse's encouraging words. "Thanks, Jesse. You know, for a Treble, you're alright."

"I can see your toner through those jeans," Beca deadpans.

Aubrey snaps her head up, glaring at Beca, and under normal circumstances she would probably have a string of well thought out retorts to fire back. But again, these aren't normal circumstances, and she ends up just shrugging, even laughing. "Yeah, well...considering what's going on right now, I figure there's no time for silly rules like that."

Beca raises and eyebrow and looks at Chloe, who has her lips pursed together, her eyebrows skyrocketing upward as well. They both burst into laughter, Aubrey, Benji, and Jesse joining in. "It really did take the zombie apocalypse for Aubrey Posen to loosen the reigns!"

The laughter dies down as that ridiculous pair words seem to sober the moment.

"Do you think that's what's happening?" Benji asks.

"I mean I've seen enough movies to know that we can't be too far off," Jesse says. "I haven't exactly seen anyone come back to life, but they're definitely not human on some level," he finishes grimly.

"Chlo, what did that soldier call them?" Beca asks, racking her brain to recall what he said.

"_Double back and see if any of those shitbag biters are in the alley."_

"Biters!" she exclaims, answering her own question. "He called them biters."

"Whatever they are, they sure as hell want to do more than bite us. I swear I saw one drooling," Jesse says, scrunching his face in disgust.

"Maybe it had a crush on you, Jesse," Beca snorts.

"Ha-ha. Next time I'll be sure to try and score the digits from the thing that's trying to eat me."

"I'm just sayin...might as well make some lemonade from these damn lemons the universe is raining down on us."

Before he can respond, Aubrey is cutting in, shutting up their laughter.

"As cute as your bromance is right now, we really need to figure out what we're going to do. Nobody is coming to rescue us and we need to make a game-plan! We need a strategy!"

"Aubrey, chill out. I was just trying to lighten the mood. I think we all understand, as much as we can at least, the situation at hand."

"Don't tell me to chill, Beca! We need to arm ourselves and figure out an exit strategy! Or figure out how to make this place a more permanent, sustainable residence!"

"Aubrey, please calm down. We're all scared here and getting into a fight won't help anything," Chloe says sympathetically, her hand resting on Aubrey's shoulder.

Aubrey turns to her best friend, tears on the verge of spilling over. She chokes them back, closing her eyes for a moment to compose herself. Chloe wraps her arms around her, pulling her in for a hug.

"It's okay to cry you know."

Aubrey nods into Chloe, pulling away and swallowing hard. "I'm fine."

"Aubrey..."

"I'm fine, Chloe. Let's just get our heads together here and figure out what the hell we're going to do."

"Anyone have any suggestions?" Beca says.

"Do you think there's any chance of a refuge center?" Chloe asks.

"Possibly, but how do we know it's actually safe. We all saw what those soldiers are capable of," Jesse says grimly.

"They're following orders! That's another thing me and Chloe overheard. I don't think they're actually on the lookout for normal human beings. For all we know, we're enemy #1."

"Well who do they expect to be left if they just shoot us all down?" Chloe says. "I just don't understand!" Beca grabs Chloe's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Honestly," she continues, "it's like _we're_ the enemy!"

"Maybe whatever is happening will be taken care of in a few days. Maybe we just need to wait it out,' Benji says, trying to sound optimistic, but his tone is betraying him because she can tell he doesn't quite believe what he is saying either.

"Yeah, maybe," Beca offers, and he gives a small smile in return. She looks at the people before her, wondering how they got here, wondering how _she _got here. She looks over at Chloe, her blue eyes locked on hers. She feels a shift happening inside her. She recalls a favorite song lyric, _there's a fighter somewhere underneath this skin and bones._ And for the first time she actually believes it. But it's not just because she is literally having to fight for her life now. Back in the hospital, she let her instincts kick in. She let herself fight without shame, because she knew what she was fighting for. And that's what changed everything. She was fighting for herself, she was fighting for Chloe, she was fighting to see the people she loved another day. Maybe it's because she was born into a world she didn't fit into. But the world was changing and now she finds herself more confident than ever. Because when you're fighting for your life, in whatever capacity, all the bullshit goes out the window. There's no time for second guessing. You go with your gut. You learn to trust yourself. And for a long time, she's doubted her gut, believing it was wrong, unsure of its way of thinking. She always felt like she was made wrong. She didn't think like anyone else or act like anyone else. But maybe there was nothing wrong with that after all.

They hunker down for the night. Beca is wrapped around Chloe in a corner of the small room, each holding on to each other for dear life. The others are asleep, but Beca can't seem to get her mind to calm down. She takes a deep breath, and feels Chloe stir in her arms.

"Sorry didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep," she whispers, giving Chloe a kiss on the head.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I...just have a lot on my mind I guess."

"Want to talk about it?"

"I guess I...I'm just really scared, Chloe. I have no idea what to do and I don't want to let you guys down."

Chloe shifts so she can look at her. "Beca...the reason you and I are alive right now is because _you_ got us here. You were so brave back in the hospital and the entire journey here. _You_ remembered about this place. _You_ got us to our friends. You've been amazing so far. I think we're pretty lucky to have you."

Beca blushes at Chloe's words. "Thanks...I just want to keep you all safe so bad. And find the other girls. Find my dad. I know he and I haven't been close in a long time but that doesn't mean I wouldn't miss him if something happened to him. We just seemed to make some actual progress the other night and now the world's going to shit and I'll probably never see him again and I have no idea what to do and I'm so scared something is going to happen to you and I, -"

Chloe leans up and captures Beca in a kiss, successfully cutting off her rambling. She pulls away only slightly. "As long as we're together, we'll be safe. You make me feel safe. And we'll find them. All of them."

Beca smiles at Chloe, and leans her head down to nuzzle her face in the crook of Chloe's neck. "Hey Chloe?" she mumbles into her neck after a few moments.

"Hmm?"

Beca pulls back and looks Chloe in the eye. The pace of her heartbeat is suddenly something she's very much aware of and her breath becomes more rapid. She swallows hard, knowing this may not be the perfect moment. It's not romantic. It's not picturesque. And even though Chloe deserves all those things, she doesn't want this to go unsaid any longer.

"Beca, calm down," Chloe says, noticing her hitched breaths. "What's wrong?"

Beca laughs softly, releasing a breath. "Nothing...well, so to speak," she says with a smirk. Chloe smiles back and reaches a hand up to stroke Beca's cheek.

"I just um, need to say something. Just in case there's a chance I won't get to again."

Chloe looks at her expectantly, her hand still on Beca's cheek. Needing a bit more courage, she leans in, pressing her lips firmly against Chloe's.

"Chloe, I, -"

_CRASH!_

Loud commotion above them interrupts the moment, and all their attention is drawn to whatever is happening upstairs.

"What was that?" Chloe asks.

Beca looks up, following the sound with her eyes.

"I don't know...but I don't think we're alone anymore."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So thanks to all of you who are sticking with the story! I know I've kind of messed with your mind and hearts as I've taken it on a wild ride and in a different direction than I'm sure any of you imagined it would go. I'm a big fan of survival scenarios and just having that literally fighting for your life aspect in stories, so that's a big reason I took it in this direction. Sorry for the long wait, just haven't had much time to work on it lately, but I got dose of inspiration and time in the last week so without further ado, here is chapter 8! Enjoy! (And as always, your reviews and comments are much appreciated!)  
**

Footsteps, several footsteps in fact, are roaming around above them.

The others are imitating her, frozen where they are at, looking and listening. Muffled voices seep through the cracks, although nothing coming through clear enough for them to actually understand.

"Jesse did you put the rug back over the bunker door?" Beca whispers over at him and he doesn't have to reply for her to know he didn't, his answer clear in his expression.

"I'm going to get a better listen," Beca says as she unwraps herself from Chloe, as well as trying to ignore the look she is giving her.

"You are absolutely _not_ going to get a better listen unless it's from right here," Chloe fires back.

"They might be saying something important or useful!"

"I'll do it," Aubrey cuts in.

"Aubrey, _no!_" Chloe pleads.

"Chloe, stop, Beca's right we need to see if we can hear anything that will help us figure out what's going on," Aubrey says, already climbing the ladder and directing an ear towards the ceiling.

They all look to her, waiting for an indication of what's going on. Beca walks over to the bottom of the ladder, Chloe close behind her. The voices are still muffled but suddenly pick up as one person in particular starts shouting.

"YOU LYING PIECE OF SHIT. THERE'S NOBODY HERE, THIS IS A WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME!"

Whoever is being yelled out isn't talking very loud so they can't quite make out any of the responses.

"I wish we could hear, -" Jesse begins, but Aubrey waves her hand at him signaling him to shut up. She presses her ear closer, her brow scrunched in concentration.

"STOP BEGGING YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK! GET ON YOUR KNEES!"

Their faces contort in horror, understanding that whoever is being yelled at is probably at the wrong end of a gun right now.

.

Beca can't help but notice the change in Aubrey's expression as the muffled voice continues. Her face contorts as she listens to the conversation above, indicating it's getting worse. There isn't anymore yelling, just two different muffled voices. Aubrey glances over at Beca for a split second, her eyes widening, and Beca's stomach churns at the look she gave her. After a bit more time listening, Aubrey eventually climbs down from the ladder and strides up to Beca.

"What? What is it? What did you hear?"

"We just need to stay quiet and I think they'll go away," Aubrey answers flatly, and something about her demeanor makes Beca think she's hiding something.

"Aubrey, if you heard something that will affect us, you need to tell us!" Beca implores.

The blonde's eyes shift to Chloe, then to Jesse and Benji, and finally to the floor. Why won't she look at her?

"Aubrey, look at me!" Beca pleads, her voice barely above a whisper.

Green eyes slowly make their way to hers, tears already forming. A million things go through Beca's mind, trying to guess what could have Aubrey so upset right now.

"I, um...," Aubrey begins, her voice wavering, "I recognize the other voice...the muffled one."

Beca hears Chloe gasp behind her. She can feel her own heart pounding a little harder. Before she can ask, Jesse voices the question, as she walks over, joining them.

"Who is it?"

Aubrey doesn't address Jesse when she answers the question. She looks directly into Beca's eyes, the grief already indicated in her green orbs.

"Who is it, Aubrey?" she asks, but it's more of a plea.

The words "your dad" are barely out of Aubrey's mouth when they hear a single gunshot, and the sound of something hitting the floor. They all jump at the sound, everyone except for Beca who just stares at Aubrey.

"What did you say?"

That question brings Aubrey's focus back to her and she can feel someone, presumably Chloe, right at her side, hands on her shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, Beca," Aubrey says with tears in her eyes.

It's as if her mind and body shut down and when her legs give out, Chloe's there to catch her. She is eased down on the floor and can faintly hear voices speaking her name, asking questions.

"Beca?" Chloe asks, "Beca, can you hear me?"

Her eyes feel hazy and heavy, but eventually find Chloe's, who's own move back and forth, as if she's scanning Beca's mind, hoping to figure out what she needs to say to make it better. She knows she should cry, but no tears come. She doesn't know what to feel. The reality of what's happened is only based on a foundation of hearsay words. Aubrey could be mistaken. She didn't see what happened. None of them did. And since when was she a voice expert? Has she ever spoken to Beca's father? How does she know his voice? What did he say that made her identify that unfortunate person as Dr. Mitchell?

Chloe's looking at her so intently, her hands on either side of Beca, keeping a steady grip.

"I need to see," she suddenly says.

Chloe's already shaking her head. "No...that is not a good idea," she immediately counters.

"Yeah, Bec we don't even know if whoever was up there is gone," Jesse says.

When Benji speaks, three pairs of unhappy heads turn to him. "I heard them leave, I think it's all clear."

"Dude, shut up! She is in no state to go up there!" Jesse says through his teeth, even though Beca can hear him perfectly.

Benji approaches Beca, ignoring Jesse's protest. He looks her square in the eye when he tells her again that she needs to go up there.

"You'll never be ready. There's nothing that can make you ready. Just...get it over with," he says, his normal calm demeanor betraying him at the end.

Beca nods in understanding, and stands. "I'm going. I have to see."

"Then I'm going with you," Chloe argues. She grabs Beca's hand, intertwining their fingers, and that simple action immediately has a calming effect on her. She wants to tell her no, she doesn't want Chloe to see, but at the same time she isn't completely sure she could actually do it on her own. She doesn't know what sight will be upon her once she ascends that ladder and opens the door.

"Are you sure about this?" Aubrey asks.

"Yes. Benji's right, I have to do this. If you're right," directing her gaze to Aubrey now, "I...I need to see for myself."

"We will check if the coast is clear first. Don't want any surprises when you go up there," Aubrey says, her expression cringing at her choice of words, "I mean...we don't want any unwanted visitors sneaking up on you."

Beca nods and turns into Chloe, burying her head in the space between the redhead's neck and shoulder. .

"Jesse," Aubrey says as she looks at him, then makes a jerking motion with her head towards to door.

"Wha-? Why do I have to do it?"

"I'll be _right_ behind you, ok? Now get your ass over here!"

"Ok! Ok!" he says, making his way towards the door and up the ladder. He hesitates a moment, pressing his ear to the door and listens. When he seems to be satisfied with whatever he has or hasn't heard, he slowly pushes the door up, his body stretching up so he can get a good look.

Beca hears a faint "oh my God," from him and knows his eyes have fallen upon a horror she's still convincing herself she needs to see, and she almost throws up in that moment, so she tightens her grip on Chloe, who then presses a kiss to her temple, whispering, "it'll be okay, it'll be okay," into her hair.

Jesse opens it up all the way, and climbs back down. She releases Chloe and turns to him, but he won't make eye contact with Beca.

"All clear," he says in a shaky voice. She climbs the ladder, Chloe close behind her. She turns back for a moment and sees Aubrey take Jesse's face in her hands, using her thumbs to stroke his cheeks in attempt to soothe him.

"Are you okay?" she hears her whisper to him. The last thing she sees is him shaking his ever ever so slightly before she fully ascends the ladder.

She doesn't let her eyes focus on anything in particular, instead shifting her gaze often and frantically. Lending a hand to Chloe, she pulls her up and onto the main level of the station. Beca finds herself unsure of what to do next. Her feet are frozen to the ground, her body suffering from a case of amnesia. She can't seem to remember how to move. The thought of what she will discover is like a glue between all her joints, inhibiting any action.

"Beca?" Chloe softly asks, bringing a hand to cup Beca's cheek, forcing her to meet blue eyes.

"What if it's him, Chloe? I don't think I can handle seeing him..." she says in an unsteady voice, images of her mother invading her mind. "I still have nightmares of my mom...I can't see my dead father in them too, I can't..." Hot tears fall down her face, burning tracks in her skin.

"Shh," Chloe coos, "it's okay." Soothing hands cup her face and thumbs wipe tears away like windshield wipers. "You don't have to do this. If you're not ready. We can stay like this as long as you like. Forget everything else. It's just you...and me."

"I wish it were that easy, Chloe," Beca sighs. "Can you do something for me?"

Chloe nods, tucking a strand of brown hair behind Beca's ear.

"Stay here."

A frown quickly adorns Chloe's face as those two words fall upon her ears, her eyebrows and forehead scrunch in discontent, and blue eyes search her own. After a few moments though, Chloe's face softens and she leans in, kissing Beca lightly on the lips.

"Okay...but I'll be right here if you need me."

"I know. Thank you," Beca says, offering a small smile.

She wills her legs to move, and walks away from Chloe, towards the front of the radio station. She continues to keep her eyes trained straight ahead, not letting them wander. But she catches something out of the corner of her eye and feels her stomach churn. Rounding the corner, she spots the body on the floor, slumped over from being shot, while apparently kneeling. She remembers someone, probably this person's murderer, shouting at them to get on their knees. They're not dressed in regular clothes, she notices, instead in some sort of smock uniform, almost like a prison jumpsuit. A pool of blood is already congealing on the floor.

She stops for a moment, before fully rounding the body and tries to calm her breathing. When her feet start moving again, she comes face to face, so to speak, with the person she is praying is not her father.

But it is. The lifeless body of Dr. Jackson Mitchell lies before her. His eyeglasses have fallen off, and someone took the time to smash them on their way out. They, much like their former owner, lie broken and crumpled on the floor, discarded without a care. All the breath from her lungs has escaped and she's suffocating. She falls to her knees, unable to stand anymore. She closes her eyes tightly and opens them again, in hopes that she'll see another face in front of her. A stranger. Not her father. Not him. Her hand reaches out to touch him, a part of her believing her touch will bring him back. He just needs to be reminded that she's here. He just needs a little nudge.

"Dad...," she barely croaks out, her fingers stroking his face. "Please wake up. Daddy, please. I need you. I'm so sorry..."

Blood covers her fingers, and when she pulls her hand back to examine the sticky substance, her head starts swimming. There's not enough air and she can't breathe. The next thing she knows she's outside, and she's running. Running for her life. Running for the life that was taken away from her father. Maybe this is just another one of her nightmares. She just needs to wake up. Wake up, stupid! This isn't real. When she stops and falls to the ground, she doesn't register that she's not standing up on her own, but another pair of hands is pulling her up. And when she's turned around, it's not Chloe she's faced with, but another familiar face. A soldier.

"What are you doing?!" he hisses.

Her eyes are clouded with tears, her voice box silenced by grief. She reaches up to wipe tears away and when she sees the blood on her hand, a fresh wave of sobs racks her body. Strong arms embrace her, holding her steady. But they are suddenly ripped away when another person joins their presence, yelling "GET OFF HER!" A blur of red knocks the soldier off Beca, and quickly steps in front her.

"Hey! I'm not going to hurt you!" the man says, and she hears Chloe suddenly gasp.

"Oh my gosh, you're that soldier! The one from before!"

"Private Andrew Riggins," he says.

Chloe doesn't greet him back, instead turning her attention to Beca, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Are you okay?! Why did you run off like that? I was so scared, I didn't know where you went. I just heard the door suddenly slam shut and you were gone!" Chloe takes Beca's face in her hands. She knows Chloe saw that it was her dad on the floor, she can see it in her eyes. "Beca, I'm...I'm so sorry," Chloe says, barely holding back her own tears.

"We need to get out of sight," Pvt. Riggins interjects.

"Can you just give us a minute!" Chloe implores.

"I'm sorry, I can't," he answers and Chloe goes to fight him on it again, but Beca speaks up.

"He's right, Chlo, we're sitting ducks out here."

"Just, come over here at least, behind this building," he says, motioning to a nearby lecture hall.

She agrees and they quickly follow him until he deems a good enough spot for them to hide out in for the time-being. The three of them stand in awkward silence for a moment until Beca speaks first.

"Thank you, by the way. For saving our lives yesterday, and for not killing us again just now." He just smiles and nods in response.

"Why though?" Chloe asks. "Why did you disobey orders? Why are you helping us now?"

He sighs heavily, removing his helmet and revealing thick, dark hair, trimmed short. His gloved hands run over his head, front to back. She hasn't noticed until now, but he can't be much older than them, his facial features still young and fresh, peppered with fatigue and melancholy, probably due to the horrors he's witnesses while in the service. "Let's just say, I didn't sign up for killing innocent people."

"Well lucky us it was _you_ searching that alleyway and not your commanding officer. He seems like a dick," Beca says.

"You don't know the half of it. He shouldn't be allowed to have a weapon. But...it's not me calling the shots."

"Do you know what's going on?" Chloe asks. "I mean, I almost can't believe I'm about to ask this, but...is there like, a zombie outbreak or something? Because we've seen some people that wanted to attack us, they were biting at us!" Her face contorts upon speaking those last words, like she can't believe them herself.

"I'd take zombies over this, to be honest. At least they can't think. This _particular _new..._species _of human is unfortunately a bit more calculating."

"Why'd your captain call them "biters" then?"

"Because he's an idiot and doesn't know what hell he's talking about...but he has a big mouth and liked to take classified information he knew and add his own dumbass opinions."

"So what the hell is going on?" Beca asks.

"Well...what we're dealing with here is a government experiment gone terribly, terribly wrong."

'That still tells us nothing," Beca replies, trying to piece information together.

"Apparently, mortality was unacceptable. Some secret governmental or military sector was developing something along the lines of an elixir. Ya know, _make the boys overseas unstoppable_," he says in a mock accent. "But some things shouldn't be fucked with...and mortality is one of them."

"So this...elixir...it didn't work?" Chloe asks.

"No...it did, just not like they imagined. And there were some startling side effects. The test subjects...well, instead of becoming themselves with an invincibility shield of sorts, they became rageful, inhuman. And when taken down right away, they'll be dead, but the longer they stay alive, the stronger their ability to regenerate or repel injury becomes. So, yes, like a zombie they may actually want to eat you, but not because they need to feed on brains or organs, but because they're not human anymore. They're just plain crazy and see you as something to be destroyed, no matter how they have to do it. And they're getting smarter. They know how to reproduce, well, so to speak."

"Oh my God," Chloe breathes out.

"I know this is a lot to take in. Trust me, I didn't want to believe it and I about heard it straight from the horse's mouth."

"So what's with shooting down people for no reason? I saw people at the hospital lined up against a wall and murdered!"

"Test subjects," he answers, frowning. "They probably weren't fully matured. They wanted to take them out before they became too strong."

"Why were they even there in the first place?!" Beca half-shouts.

"I think there was some hope of an antidote, once they figured out what was happening to the earlier subjects. But when their little...army...escaped, they started just taking anyone down who could end up a threat."

"I'm sorry, did you say, _army_?" Chloe asks, as if she doesn't believe what she just heard.

All Pvt. Riggins can do is nod before Beca's shouting again. "They made an entire ARMY of these rage-monsters?! And now they're just roaming about, hell bent on killing everyone?"

"Yeah..something like that."

"How did they even get out?" Chloe asks, her voice remaining calmer than Beca's.

"That I don't know. I just know there was a mass break-out of sorts. And now the city is basically quarantined. Nobody in, nobody out - unless clearanced to do so. There's still a lot of _them_ throughout the city. We tried to round up as many civilians as we could, to keep them safe, but we eventually got overrun. There's a base/refuge center about 10 miles out of the city, that's where they're keeping everyone, but as you can imagine, it's getting pretty hostel there too. Lots of unanswered questions, lots of confused people, lots of missing friends and family members..."

"So anyone left in the city is either a rage-monster or shit-out-of-luck?" Beca asks, not even trying to mask the hostility in her voice.

His silence and pained expression answers her question. She turns to Chloe, wanting nothing more in this moment than to just take in the sight of this woman in front of her, and forget everything else. She takes Chloe's hands in hers, their fingers interlocking like perfect puzzle pieces. "So what do we do," she asks him, still facing and looking at Chloe.

"I don't know...wait it out best you can I guess. This place isn't going to be saved overnight. This is...bigger than you might think or understand. But the longer you remain in the city, the more you'll be seen as a definite threat and automatic kill. We're still sweeping the city and anyone hiding out or resisting is considered an enemy."

"But we're hiding from the bad guys!" Chloe exclaims.

"I know that, and you know that, but...the people in charge don't see it that way. This is a dirty little secret they're trying to cover up. There can't be any leaks. I'd say you have a few days before they decide to just blow it up entirely, and blame it on someone else."

"You can't be serious," Beca says, turning to him now.

"I wish I wasn't," he replies grimly.

"So what do we do? Do we go to the refugee center?"

"Get out of the city. Get as far away as you can."

"But you said they have it locked down, how are we supposed to get out?"

"Well I guess you'll need some help from a soldier then?" he replies, a small grin on his face.

Chloe's face brightens. "You'll really help us?"

"Yes...but I have to do something first and maybe you can help me too. I'm looking for my sister, she goes to the university here. The last I heard from her, she was hiding out in a friend's loft downtown. She hasn't turned up at the refugee center so I have to believe she is still there."

Beca turns to Chloe. "We can't go anywhere without Aubrey, Jesse, and Benji though."

"Where are they?"

Beca motions towards the station, "Back at the campus radio station. We were hiding out in a bunker there, until...," but she can't finish her sentence as she is reminded of the memory of her dead father slumped on the floor. Chloe grabs hold of her before she collapses to the ground.

"Are you okay?" Pvt Riggins asks.

"Baby, I'm right here, I've got you," Chloe whispers softly into her ear.

Once again, her lungs feel tight and inadequate. Her legs become jello, eventually giving out, but Chloe catches her, easing her down on the ground. Like flashes from a camera, images of her dead parents in each of their final states blind everything else around her or in her mind. She opens her eyes and sees them dead on the ground. She closes her eyes and sees them dead on the ground. Subconscious thoughts speak audibly. _They couldn't stand being around you. They couldn't wait to get away from you. They'd rather die than live another day knowing you as their daughter. _

Tears flow freely down her face. "Not...true...that's not true," she chokes out.

She can barely hear Chloe speaking to her. "Beca? What's going on? Talk to me, please! Come back to me...come on, baby, come back to me."

"I can't...should have been me. It should have been me," she cries.

"No, don't you dare say that! Your mother was sick. Your dad was...murdered. They loved you, Beca. They loved you so much. I'm so sorry they're gone now, but you have to know they would give anything to be here with you."

"You don't know that, Chloe! You don't know anything!" Beca says angrily. She tries to push Chloe away but the redhead just grabs a hold of her tighter, pulling her into a hug.

"Let go of me!" Beca yells. "Just let me go! Let me die!"

"No, Beca! You belong here, with me! You belong here. Please believe that. I love you so much."

She struggles against Chloe, who only tightens her hold on her.

"I don't want to hurt you...I don't want to lose you," Beca sobs into Chloe's chest.

"You're not going to. I'm not going anywhere, Beca. I'm right here, holding on to you for dear life. And you just hold on to me right back, okay?"

She fights the war waging in her mind, focusing on Chloe, the feel of her, the sound of her. That seems to calm her down some, she at least stops shaking.

"That's it," Chloe coos. "Just breathe. Look at me, now," she says, guiding Beca's head up with her chin. "I'm right here. And I'm not going anywh -"

Her words are cut short and their embrace is broken when Chloe is ripped from Beca's arms. Beca's head snaps up to find the presence of two new soldiers.

"Stay on the fucking ground!" one of the men yells at her. His voice is oddly familiar, her stomach churning at the thought of who it might be.

"Chloe!" she yells, and whips her head from side to side, finding the redhead on the ground a few feet away from her, a combat on her head, keeping her firmly on the ground. They catch each other's glance, fear mirroring in each pair of eyes.

"Nice catch, Riggins!" the man holding Beca at gunpoint says, his smug grin making Beca's blood boil. "Were you saving them just for me?"

Beca glances up Pvt. Riggins, silently begging for his help and awaiting his answer.

"Yes, of course, Captain."

Her heart and stomach drop to the ground at the thought that she now awaits the same fate as her father.

**Dun dun dun! What did you think? The "biters" are better than just plain ol' boring zombies right? RIGHT?! :)**


End file.
